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thatrsdude
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26 Jul 2005, 11:38 am

Post your favourites (don't worry if you can't perfectly remember them word for word, just as long as we get the point).

Some of mine that I can think off the top of my head:

Homer: Marge, since I am not talking to Lisa, will you please ask her to pass me the syrup?
Marge: Please pass your father the syrup Lisa.
Lisa: Bart, tell dad that I'll only pass the syrup if he doesn't put it on any meat product.
Bart: You dunking those sausages in that syrup homeboy?
Homer: Marge, tell Bart that I only want a glass of syrup like I do every morning.
Marge: Tell him yourself, you're ignoring Lisa, not Bart.
Homer: Bart, thank your mother for pointing that out.
Marge: Homer, you're not not-talking to me, and secondly I heard what you said.
Homer: Lisa, tell your mother to get off my case.
Bart: Uh, Dad, Lisa's the one you're not talking to.
Homer: Bart, go to your room!

Homer: Hey Flanders! You smell like manure!
Ned: Uh oh, better cancel that dinner party tonight, thanks for the nose news neighbour!

Homer: In a drinking contest, the important thing isn't whether you win or lose, it's how drunk you get.

Homer: Bart, would you like to say grace?
Bart: Dear God, we pay for this stuff ourselves so thanks for nothing.

Homer: I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman!

Mrs Krabappel: Thanks to you, we've come back from this field trip with the fewest students yet.
Skinner: God bless the man who invented permission slips.

Skinner: I'm riding the bus today because Mother hid my car keys for talking to a woman on the phone. She was right to do it.

Moe: Don't drink any beer while I'm gone.
Barney: What kind of pathetic drunk do you take me for? Oh look, someone spilt beer in this ashtray.*drinks from ashtray*

Homer: But I have to have a gun. It's in the constitution.
Lisa: Dad, the second amendment dates back to historical times, it has no significant meaning today.
Homer: You couldn't be more wrong, Lisa. If I didn't have this gun, the king of England could walk in here at any time and start pushing you around.

Homer: A gun is not a weapon Marge, it's a tool. Like a butcher's knife or a harpoon or... an alligator, you just need more education on the subject. Tell you what, I'll take you to an NRA meeting, and if you're still not convinced that guns are great, we'll argue some more.

Grampa: Dear advertisers, I am disgusted with the way old people are depicted on television. We are not all vibrant fun loving sex maniacs. In fact many of us are bitter, resentful individuals who remember the good old days when TV was bland and inoffensive.

Homer: Sorry Bart, but if you want something you have to earn it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.

Bart: What we'll we have?
Homer: Well that depends on what your teachers say. If you've been good, Pizza. If you've been bad... er... poison.
Lisa: What if one of us has been bad and the other has been good?
Bart: Poison pizza.
Homer: Oh no, I'm not making two stops.


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Last edited by thatrsdude on 31 Jul 2005, 4:47 pm, edited 2 times in total.

PaulB
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26 Jul 2005, 12:00 pm

I've got too many favorites for this

Marge: Oh, Homie! You're my rock!
Homer: And I promise you this rock will weigh you down for the rest of your life.

Richard Gere: It's a good thing Buddhism teaches you to let go of your desires, because right now I desire to kick your ass!


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thatrsdude
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26 Jul 2005, 12:13 pm

Lisa: Dad, what's a muppet?
Homer: Well, it's not quite a mop, it's not quite a puppet but man... *laughs* So to answer your question I don't know.

Homer: Facts are meaningless. People can use facts to prove things that are even remotely true. Facts schmacts.

Homer: Oh Lisa, leprechauns are make believe, like gremlins, elves and eskimos.


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Tim_p
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26 Jul 2005, 1:13 pm

There are to many to list, I'll just give three.

Homer to Lisa: "Do I know what rhetorical means?"

Homer: "Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow. --- Well, good night.

Homer: "English side ruined! Must use French instructions! Le grill? What the hell is Le grill? ... Ah now that's a fine looking barbecue pit, (camera pans form picture to actual barbecue) why doesn't mine look like that? ... Why must I fail at every attempt at masonry!"



thatrsdude
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26 Jul 2005, 1:37 pm

Homer: Kids, you tried your best, and failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

Grampa: You can push them out of a plane, you can march them off a cliff, you can send them off to die on some god forsaken rock, but for some reason you can't slap 'em.

Bart: You're living in a dumpster?
Otto: I wish. Dumpster brand trashbins are top of the line. This is just a Trash Co.

Otto: Please let me stay with you.
Homer: OK, but I get to treat you like dirt.
Otto: Wow, what's the catch?

Homer: Well I'm tired of being a wannabe league bowler, I wanna be a league bowler!

Moe: You go through life, you struggle to resist the urge to punch someone in the face, and for what? Some pimply little puke who treats you like dirt unless you're on a team. Well I'm better than dirt, well most kinds of dirt. I mean, not that fancy store bought dirt. That stuff's loaded with nutrients. I can't compete with that stuff.

Rod: We don't have to play football, do we daddy?
Ned: You betcha, team sports will keep you away from temptations like rock music and girls.
Rod and Todd: Yay!

Marge: I'm tired of being cooped up in this house all the time.
Homer: Open a window!

*When a car speeds past while Wiggum's asleep*
Chief Wiggum: This is Wiggum reporting a 318, waking a police officer.

Agent: Be on the lookout for a 1936 Maroon Stutz Bearcat.
*The car goes past*
Chief Wiggum: [resting] That was more of a burgundy.

Bart: Are you guys crooks?
Fat Tony: Bart, is it wrong to steal a loaf of bread to feed a starving family?
Bart: No.
Fat Tony: And what if you've got a large starving family, is it wrong to steal a truckload of bread to feed them?
Bart: Uh uh.
Fat Tony: And waht if that family don't like bread, they like... cigarettes?
Bart: I guess that's OK.
Fat Tony: Now instead of giving them away, you sold them at a price that was practically giving them away? Would that be a crime, Bart?
Bart: Hell no.

Marge: So, what did you children learn about today?
Bart: Hell.
Homer: Bart!
Bart: But that's what we learned about. I sure as hell can't tell you we learned about hell unless I say hell, can I?
Homer: Well, the lad has a point.
Bart: Hell, yes!
Marge: Bart!
Bart: [singing] Hell, Hell, Hell, Hell, ...
Marge: Bart, you're no longer in Sunday School. Don't swear.


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Last edited by thatrsdude on 26 Jul 2005, 4:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Serissa
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26 Jul 2005, 2:46 pm

Homer: "I am s-smart. I am s-smart. S-M-R-T. I mean, S-M-A-R-T."

Homer: "Oh confused, would we?

((I'll think of more later, I'm sure.))



thatrsdude
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26 Jul 2005, 2:52 pm

Homer: Me no function beer well without.

Homer: OK Bart, just read the card and you're a shoo in.
Bart: [squinting at cue cards] Hello, Mr. ...Kurns, I bad want money now. Me sick.
Homer: Ooh, he card reads good.
Bart: So pick please me, Mr. Burns.
Homer: It's Kurns, stupid!

Political Ad: Mayor Quimby supports revolving door prison systems. Mayor Quimby even released Sideshow Bob, a man twice convicted of attempted murder. Can you trust a man like Mayor Quimby? Vote Sideshow Bob for mayor.


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Malcolm_Scipo
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26 Jul 2005, 4:53 pm

Homer to a shark attacking the bottom of a glass bottomed boat: You call yourself king of the jungle?

MArge: We saw the most brilliant thing. A camel and it was wearing a hat!

Quote:
Flanders: Hi Homer. I want to eat your head.
HOmer: Okay... I am a zombie monkey from Mianus.
Flanders: Mooooooo!
Homer: I need to do a quack. *Quacks.*
Flanders: Mooooooooooooooo. *Bites Homer's head.*
Marge: I am a lesbian everyone/ *Starts making out with a goat.*
Lisa: YOu will die you infidels! Die for Buddhism! *Blows herself up along with everyone else.*


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THOUGHT IT WAS THE END.
THOUGHT IT WAS THE 4TH OF JULY.
I WOKE UP AND THEN I REALISED,
I WAS NOT WHAT I HAD ALWAYS TRIED TO EMULATE.
INSTEAD A SHADOW OF FORMER GLORY.
AND THEN I CRIED.


Last edited by Malcolm_Scipo on 27 Jul 2005, 4:29 am, edited 1 time in total.

thatrsdude
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26 Jul 2005, 5:11 pm

*when Bart is caught stealing*
Homer: OK, I've figured the boys punishment. First, no leaving the house, not even for school. Second, no egg nog. In fact, no nog, period. And third, absolutely no stealing for three months.

Homer: Stealing?! How could you? Haven't you heard from that guy who gives those sermons at church, Captain Whats-His-Name? We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those police academy movies, for fun? Well I didn't hear anybody laughing, did you? Except for the guy who makes sound effects.[makes various sound effects and the laughs] Where was I? Oh yeah, say out of my booze.

Blofeld: 20. Your move, Mr. Bont.
James: I'll take a hit dealer.
*Homer deals*
James: Joker? You were supposed to take them out of the deck.
Homer: Sorry, here's another one.
James: What's this card? "Rules for Draw and Stud Poker"?
Blofeld: What a pity, Mr. Bond.
[Odd Job and Jaws grab Bond and drag him out]
James: But...but it's Homer's fault! I didn't lose. I never lose!Well, at least tell me the details of your plot for world domination.
Blofeld: Ho ho ho, I'm not going to fall for that one again.

Homer: I've gone back to a time to when dinosaurs weren't just confined to zoos!

John: C'mon Homer, what have you got against gays?
Homer: You know, it's just not usual. If there was a law it'd be against it.


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Last edited by thatrsdude on 31 Jul 2005, 4:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.

jennyfreckles
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26 Jul 2005, 6:26 pm

homer homer simpson hes the greatest guy in history homer homer simpson hes about to hit a chesnut tree (sung by homer to the theme of the flintstones) :lol:



thatrsdude
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26 Jul 2005, 6:28 pm

Homer: Oh no, fire, what do I do? OK, just remember the song: When a fire starts to burn, there is one thing you must learn, something something then you'll see, you'll avoid catastrophe... D'oh!


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Scoots5012
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26 Jul 2005, 6:37 pm

Bart: Either that's dad or batman has really let himself go.

Flanders: Hey homie! I can see your doodle!
Homer: Shut up Flanders

Lisa: Are you sure you don't want to go to the hospital? After all a bridge did close on your head.
Homer: Na. I'll walk it off.

Marge: Homer, that monkey is on my side of the couch...
Homer: Marge, he's clearly marked his territory
Marge: (grumbles)

Ralph: Doctor says my nose wouldn't bleed so much if I kept my finger out of it.

Abe: Ledgend has it my grand-papy stumbled across this while searching for a cheap substitute for holy water.

Bill Gates: I didn't get rich by writing checks

Homer: I'm getting out of this town alive even if it kills me

Homer: I hope I didn't brain my damage

Homer: HiyougottahelpmebecasueI'mareallybigfatguywhosgottogettothepowerplantbecasue there'sgoingtobeposiongas. I mean really posion gas, and everyone's going to be dead, ESPECIALLY ME!

Homer: You got anything to drink in there?
Vendor: Crab Juice and Mountain Dew
Homer: Euwwww! I'll take a crab juice

Homer: Uhhh, you got a bathroom in there?
Vendor: No bathroom, only ko-klush!

Herb: Ok, your gonna hang up and call right back and say the opposite of what you just said. HEY KIDS! Come over here and listen to what the guys at the plant think of you 'ole man.
Tech on the phone: Uhhh, Homer simpson is a very intelligent man, his ideas are practical and well thought out, oh and uh his hgyiene is above reproach.

Homer: Apu! Apu! Apu! I want to but this yodel and this winning lottery ticket, I have... this much (throws change on the counter)
Apu: You do not have enough
Homer: Ohhhhhhhh.... I'll take the yodel

Marge: Homer! I thought you were going to get rid of that gun!
Homer: But I never thought he'd (bart) look in the vegtable crisper

Homer: Early for work for the first time, Expcept for all those day light savings days. Lousy farmers!

(Carl, Lenny, Barney, and Homer are in a shower singing were are the champions)
Barney: (slips and falls) Whoaa!!
Homer: Careful

Homer: Oh my god, that guy is my exact duplicate - hey look, that dog has a puffy tail!

Nelson: Look at skinner cleaning the goop off his house, wait till he sees what I left in his bird bath
Skinner: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!! !! !

Homer: Gee, look at this place. We gotta do something.
Bart: Hmm. Garbage angels?

Homer: Hello Vegas. $100 on red.... DOH!! I'll send you a check!

(Smither and plant gaurds search the mens room)
Smithers: Come on Simpson, open up! We know you're in there Mmm...that one. (The gaurds kick open a stall)
(Homer is standing in a toilet)
Homer: Someone's in here. (Gets dragged off) No...No! Oh! For the love of...
Smithers: Boy, I've never seen a man so desperate to get out of five minutes of calisthenics.

Dr Nick: If you unsure whether something is fattening, rub it against a piece of paper. If the paper turns clear, it's your window to weight gain!

Homer: Sit down and let me tell you a tale boy. It began one day last summer when I locked myself out of the house during a bad thunderstorm. Grabbing a large piece of sheet metal, I ran for cover under the largest tree I could find...

Willie: Oh, you're gonna break like matchsticks! I promise ya that!...
Ned: Hey, I made some Rice Crispie squares for our hungry deprogram-orinoes.
Willie: Acck!! You ruined the atmosphere, you daft pansy!
Ned: Well, this is my rumpus room.
Willie: Ah, j-- don't call it that!

Flanders: (wakes up with a start) Maude, I think I hate Homer Simpson.
Homer: (wakes up with a start) Marge, I think I hate Ted Koppel. No wait... I find his commentary both humerous and witty! Good night Marge.

Lisa: I'm studying for the math fair. If I win, I get to bring home a new protractor.
homer: Too bad we don't live on a farm.


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thatrsdude
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26 Jul 2005, 6:45 pm

It's amazing how many jokes that went through me when I saw the episode but when I read them I realise just how funny they are... There's just too much jokes on that show.

Dr. Nick: Don't worry, you won't feel a thing. Until I jam this down your throat!

Dr. Hibbert: What you have here is a rare case known as the Homer Simpson syndrome.
Homer: Oh, why me!

Bart: Since when was Christmas supposed to be the presents. Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas- the birth of Santa?


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AbominableSnoCone
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26 Jul 2005, 7:41 pm

Lisa: Bart, two wrongs don't make a right!
Bart: Yes they do!
Lisa: No they don't
Bart: Yes they do!
Lisa: No they don't
Bart: Yes they do!
Lisa: Dad!!
Homer: Two wrongs make a right, Lisa



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27 Jul 2005, 4:30 am

Ralph (on sugar): I am both happy and angry.
Ralph (off sugar): My baby! May baby! Where is my baby?


_________________
THOUGHT IT WAS THE END.
THOUGHT IT WAS THE 4TH OF JULY.
I WOKE UP AND THEN I REALISED,
I WAS NOT WHAT I HAD ALWAYS TRIED TO EMULATE.
INSTEAD A SHADOW OF FORMER GLORY.
AND THEN I CRIED.


PaulB
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27 Jul 2005, 11:27 am

Don't forget everybody's favorite Ralphism: (after eating poison berries) Tastes like burning!


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-Lydia Dietz, "Beetle Juice"