New here...seeking input on potential diagnosis

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Hi, I'm Megan.
I'm 17, a senior in high school.
I first found out about this forum through my therapist...we are currently in the process of making a diagnosis. She strongly feels that I have Aspergers, though I'm not wholly convinced. I tend to underestimate my traits/symptoms for fear of making a diagnosis that isn't correct. I've grown up with the message that I shouldn't look for "more things wrong with me" and that what I'm feeling is completely normal and doesn't need labeling. Regardless of whether it's normal, having a name to put to my feelings really helps. It helped when I was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder - it's just for validation.

I always felt very socially awkward and odd growing up, and until last year always attributed this to having an artistic personality that didn't fit in with the rest of our neuro-typical society. Special interests? Big time. These range widely, from nuclear war studies (especially during the Cold War) to psychology to art and writing, etc etc. Dates fascinate me. I don't know if others do this too, but whenever I read or hear the year in which a person was born, my mind immediately begins to calculate how old they are currently. It's like I have to know how many years have passed since a given date or time period.

Every non-professional person I've talked to, such as my art teacher, had been surprised when I tell them that I might have Aspergers and it seems like they don't understand the reasoning behind my therapist's diagnosis. I've always been an introverted, socially awkward person, and only really come out of my shell when I'm around good friends or people I know well. Anyone else - forget it. I explained this to my teacher because she's had me in class for five years now and I felt the need to explain my awkward behavior (at least I think it is) and why I often don't understand what she says to me in class or directions she gives me unless she repeats herself a couple times (sensory processing issue?) This comes across to others as a hearing problem, but I can hear what is spoken just fine. To me it feels like people are talking too fast and I don't catch half of what they're saying.

I took the AQ test that I'm sure many of you are familiar with and believe I scored a 35 or 36. I've taken it a few times and have usually scored anywhere in the 30s, once in the high 20s. I took PsychCentral's Aspergers quiz and scored a 36. But of course I'm always afraid of "over-exaggerating" my answers on those questionnaires.

That's just a bit about me...look forward to meeting others and seeking input on my diagnosis. I plan on visiting a psychiatrist that I used to go to for anxiety medication - he specializes in diagnosing teenager Aspergers. It's not that I don't trust my therapist's opinion, just that I would feel better after having a thorough evaluation.

Nice to meet you all

Hi Megan, Welcome to Wrong Planet

Perhaps if you hang around the forums a little you might read some things that sound familiar and then you will have a better idea of what your therapist is getting at.

Even though I've always known there was something different about me, when a friend who was a teacher suggested I might have Aspergers I thought that was a bit ridiculous, partly because I had an image in my mind of what Aspergers 'looked' like (male, interest in trains or similar, lack of attention to appearance) and while that image might be true of some Aspies it wasn't for me and isn't for a lot of people. When I actually read about Aspergers (particularly books aimed at women with Aspergers like 'Aspergirls' by Rudy Simone) everything fell into place. I don't have a formal diagnosis yet, but I'm as sure as I can be that I have Aspergers.

I hope you find some answers here

Haha - same here regarding the boys and trains I guess one reason I'm a bit skeptical of her dx is that I simply don't feel "smart" enough to fit with the majority of the AS community. I know that's a big generalization, but I took an online IQ test recommended to me and only scored a 102. Probably not legit, but 102? I know I'm smart, so this was a big blow to the balls Seems like everyone here is at least in the 140s.

I won't worry about that - I know AS affects people from all intelligence levels. The sensory processing issues associated with it definitely hits home for me, especially the auditory. I'll never forget the time I made the mistake of sitting right next to the school band during a pep rally - OOPS. It's like I can't tune stuff out. Babies crying, background music in restaurants, etc. Every time I hear a song it gets stuck in my head.

Familiar, or am I just strange? (Ehh, I'll take being strange. Strange isn't necessarily a bad place to be)

I don't think that's the case for everyone here. I'm not sure how reliable online IQ tests are but I took one a few years ago and it was a lot lower than 102, it was just scraping normal. Some people with Aspergers might score very highly in one aspect of the test and then very badly in another, which can lower the score a little. I imagine you are a lot smarter than your IQ test might lead you to believe.

The sensory issues sound familiar to me, I also struggle to tune things out. I was trying to watch a You tube video recently and I was very keen to hear what the woman speaking was trying to say but there was a baby crying in the background and I couldn't tune it out. When I am waiting on the platform to catch a train (which I do quite regularly) I have to cover my ears when trains go past or it is painful. I also have to have headphones in when I go to the supermarket or all the people talking just seem to get louder and louder and I find it hard to concentrate.

Strange isn't necessarily a bad place to be, whether Aspie or NT we are all a bit different as individuals - the world would be very boring if we were all the same.

When I was diagnosed, I didn't even know what aspergers was. The person who diagnosed me wasn't particularly helpful, and I just took the diagnosis in my stride, not paying it much thought really. Then a few years later, I found this site, and after a few days I registered becuase I realised how aspie-ish I actually am. All the little things, things that arent used to diagnose people but a lot of us have just clicked into place.

Also, I tried to test my IQ once. I scored pretty low, around 90ish which actually quite bothered me for a while. Then I realised my IQ isn't holding me back, becuase I get good marks so I forgot about it. I have heard some people say that its harder for ASDs to test their intelligence, but I don't know.

I think a lot of people have that image of a introverted guy who never leaves university, is the brain box of the premises but also has a fully functional train set in his office. It's just the stereotype, as with anything else.

Anyway, good luck with your diagnosis, or whatever you end up doing and welcome to WP

Where does the 'train' part of the image come from, anyway?
I personally always imagine aspies as being WoW playing neckbeards who live in their parents' basements.

Also, welcome to WP, Megan.

Thanks for the responses guys - it helps a lot

I love the fact that we're so varied yet share the same diagnosis....I'm not a WoW addict, nor do I have an obsession with trains. I'm an overweight teenage girl complete with nose and eyebrow ring who reads obscure Wikipedia pages for fun and has a pet goldfish named Mr. Henry. On the surface you probably wouldn't guess that I have AS. It's mild, but I can tell it's there.

I can hold conversations with others, it's just relating to others and finding interest in what they're saying that confuses me and makes me not want to participate.

Hi Megan. I can understand your confusion. I found out late in life that I'm an aspie. I wish I had known when I was much younger.

I struggled through my teens with the usual bullying at school etc and not having any friends. I turned to alcohol to break down my inhibitions so that I could socialise to some extent. I called going out to clubs "watching the human mating ritual". It was also hard for me as touch is something one thing that I can't handle unless I am emotionally involved with the person which has been a rare occurrence.

Like many, I have had serial obsessions that consumed me. I eventually studied and became a psychologist as a way to try and understand myself. It was through this that I found out that I was an aspie. Knowing that has been the best thing ever because it has given something to work with.

I got married at 50 and now have a young child. If I had found out much sooner it would have made a huge difference to my life.

I am still socially awkward and rarely mix socially - and then only with Valium to help. I therefore believe that a correct diagnosis can be extremely beneficial. I hope that you aren't an aspie, but if you are you can work on some of the issues and live a relatively normal life.

Thanks for the response....you bring up something that has intrigued me for some time now.

I'm asking this from everybody....how do most people generally accept their aspie diagnosis?

I feel like it's bad to say because most people would want to be normal, right? Wrong, I don't. To me, being NT seems like one of the most boring things in the world I'd rather be different - I see it as a gift. If I go to the psychiatrist and he tells me I don't have AS, I think a part of me will feel sad or let-down because here I am trying to learn more about and accept my therapist's initial diagnosis.

Does this make sense? I have a lot of questions haha. I can't be the only one who would rather be an aspie if given the choice.

I know your feeling.
I got diagnosed about a week ago and I'm still not sure how to feel about it. In one way I'm happy since it will open up new possibilities for me and it also helps me understand my own problems. But on the other hand, I'm sad since it's a rather serious diagnosis and I'll be stuck with it for life.

Btw, I'm personally a bit more stereotypical(WoW addict, 4chan user, never going outside etc) but I'm not as socially horrible as the 'stereotypical' aspie would be, nor am I as interested and profound in politics/science.

I'm going to trust my therapist - she wouldn't suggest it if it weren't true, right?

I have to admit, I'm totally obsessed with memes. Whether that's a nerd thing or not, I don't know. One day last summer I stayed up all night reading about linguistics on Wikipedia - typical example of nerd behavior

I think everyone goes through stages. Obviously I don't have a formal diagnosis but when I self diagnosed it went a bit like this:

1. Relief - I thought 'Thank goodness, now suddenly my whole life makes sense'.
2. Misery - This was when I realised that I would always be like this. Before I had held out some hope that one day I would wake up and be like everyone else, not because I particularly want to be the same but I just didn't want things to be so difficult.
3. Acceptance - Now I've accepted it, I don't necessarily feel it is a good thing. I understand that some people do and that's great but I have no special talents and I find everyday life relentless and exhausting. I worry that my relationship will fail because I am not great at discussing emotions and I worry about whether I will be a good mother when the time comes (hopefully in around three years time). I also worry about being able to find a job, and then keeping it. I feel as if Aspergers makes everything just a little bit harder. I can only speak for myself of course.

I don't mean this to sound patronising at all, but I think that when people are 17 they are more likely to want to feel different - because that's when you are working out who you are as an adult and what sort of person you are going to be when you are free to make all your own choices for the first time. In 10 years time you may feel a wish to conform a little bit more, although of course you might not.

I also like obscure Wikipedia pages and I like the fact that you have given your goldfish a formal title.

Good point...I can see myself as being one to define my whole existence by my career. I'm going into psychology - not exactly the most NT group of people out there, but I like that about us.

Thanks - I was watching reruns of Monk a few weeks before I got him, and the daughter of one of the main characters had a fish with that name. It stuck

I think the only time IQ affect diagnosis is if it is low, in the intellectual impairment range. For Aspergers it must be normal or above. But I wouldn't trust an Internet test, when I got a professional test done my IQ tested 20 points higher than it does when I take online ones.

Welcome Megan,

My official diagnosis was a relief! It was so accurate, that I could not contest it. The label did not change me, since it is a part of me and has always been. It has allowed me to accept myself. Freedom!

On being normal: I tried very hard to be like everyone else. It was extremely painful.