Hi, I'm Stacey, and I think I found my planet! :D

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artistictace
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22 Mar 2014, 1:27 pm

I'll start by saying hello, as I have learned is customary. I'm Stacey, and I'm 27 or 28 (I forget, and I don't understand why it's important to know your own age)

Now on to how I got here...

I moved back home after finishing college (It took me 10 years to get a 4 year degree because I couldn't handle more than about 9 credit hours a semester without having a breakdown/meltdown/freakout.) I haven't had any friends since grade school, and got used to talking to my mom for support, when people at college got mad at me and I didn't know why, etc. But now that I moved home, my dad is the person I end up fighting with, and when I try to complain about it to mom, she takes his side.

That necessary background aside, I went to my primary care for a routine checkup and he asked me how "things are at home", and I broke down and told him everything. So he added another anxiety medicine on top of my Zoloft, and referred me to a psychologist. My appointment for the psychologist is April 30th.

I like researching things, so I looked my new medication (Buspirone) up online. It's an anxiety medication, so I ended up clicking on a link for anxiety disorders. Then there was something about anxiety being common with Aspergers, I'd heard of it, but didn't really know what it was, so I clicked that link too. After reading the symptoms and thinking "A lot of those features describe me, but some of them don't." I googled Aspergers and found a website that listed specifically female characteristics, and on that list, almost every symptom fit.

I'm not the type to 'self-diagnose' myself with a condition, but I don't know if, when I see the psychologist, I should say "I read about this Asperger's thing, and I think it totally fits." or just tell him everything there is to know about me, and see if he comes to the same conclusion. I suppose if I do have it, he will.

My entire life I've tried to fit in, so a lot of the symptoms I read about were things I used to do, but made a conscious effort to stop, because people told me it's weird. Which makes me think, maybe when I see him I should not try and mask those things, but then I worry that instead I'll subconsciously over-do it, and he'll think I'm trying to fake the condition. Now I psyching myself out about it, and I have more than a month until my appointment.

It appears that sharing one's symptoms is a commonplace strategy on this forum, so the symptoms I've read about that I feel I exhibit, include, but I doubt are limited to, not knowing how long I'm supposed to look someone in the eye for (I've been told I look shifty), social anxiety, not knowing how to make or keep friends, but desperately wanting some, I can't stand tags in my clothes, I can't eat raw carrots because of the texture, if there is a little too much of a spice in a food I can't eat it (mom calls me a super-taster, because I can tell if she cut my roll open with the same knife she used to cut an onion, but can't everyone do that?). The fights with my dad are always because he thinks I'm being rude or disrespectful, and I never know what it is I said or did. Half the time I don't know he's mad at me until my mother says "What did you say to your father this time?!" When people come up to me in a store and say "Hi! We had a class together!" I have no idea who they are. I used to rock back and forth in my office chair, but kept getting told off for "making the chair squeak" and made my self stop doing that. I really liked doing that. Loud noises make me jump, and whenever my dad coughs, I suddenly feel angry. I love to organize things, I put my photos of animals into categories by genus and species, and sort out different colored beads. I couldn't be bothered with make-up or any more hair-styling than a little mousse and a comb. People often tell me I look/behave young for my age, and I always get carded at restaurants. My best friend is a cat. One friend of my mom's says I'm "Very knowledgeable about Oil Painting." She probably assumed I learned all about it in college, but I did most of that research myself. I can't stand sticky or oily hands (mine or other peoples, I go through a lot of wet-wipes while oil painting) And I definitely have that 'maladaptive daydreaming' thing.

As for things that don't quite fit, I use and understand sarcasm and analogies. I often explain bandwidth to computer illiterate people as "A highway where the cars are the information, and the higher the bandwidth, the more lanes there are." I can also read facial expressions, but I don't know if I'm doing it naturally, or if I've taught myself to consciously read the position of eyebrow, etc., because subtle expressions, or quick fleeting expressions often escape me.

Anyway, I apologize for being excessively verbose, but the easiest way to get the thoughts from spinning endlessly in my head is to write them down. Any comment on the question I posed a few paragraphs up about what to say to the psychologist would be great, but I mainly just wanted to say "Hi" and see what the people here think of me, as opposed to the general opinion of the neurotypicals (that's what you guys call the other people, right?) that I'm rude, stand-offish, and aloof.



Wind
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22 Mar 2014, 1:47 pm

Hello to you too, and welcome.

I read your thread and it sounds very much like me, almost down to a T really, and I'm officially diagnosed with ASD, so maybe that gives you a little hope? I'm also female.

Females with ASD on the lower end of the spectrum, are harder to spot than males.

Good luck when you have your assessment or whatever :)


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artistictace
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22 Mar 2014, 3:13 pm

Thanks Wind, that you relate to my experience, and that you have an official diagnosis does help. I was a little worried I might be developing hypochondriasis.

I also remembered some things I didn't add to my symptoms list.
I pick at scabs and pull out my own hair (and the dog's, not mean like, but when her winter coat is half hanging off in clumps it drives me mad, but she doesn't like me pulling off the clumps and I get in trouble for "bothering the dog" and making a furry mess on the carpet) I like to rub smooth/soft things (often polished rocks or the dogs ears) in my hands, mom calls them my 'worry stones'. I was diagnosed with IBS as a child, but I keep it under control with a very high-fiber diet. I can't stand the sound of a vacuum cleaner, unless I'm the one using it (is that odd?). I am very clumsy with large movements, I drop things, and trip all the time, but I can paint the smallest details without trouble. I keep certain things very clean, like my palette, and my paint drawer, but let other things get messy, like the counter in the bathroom, and I never make my bed. When I was a child I was always told I was either talking too loud or too soft. Now people mostly complain that I'm talking too soft or mumbling.

There were a couple more things I thought of during lunch, but have forgotten now.

Another thought that's been bothering me, is whether to tell my mother that I think I know why I'm 'weird', as she puts it, or wait to see what the psychologist says. I have a feeling if I told her, she'd tell me I'm being ridiculous, but if the psychologist says it, she'd be more likely to take it seriously.

I also have Marfan Syndrome, which is no walk in the park. I forgot to mention that.



OddFiction
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22 Mar 2014, 3:35 pm

From what I've picked up reading things around here, you can't expect many shrinks to come up with the possibility of AS on their own. Especially in adult subjects.



Willard
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22 Mar 2014, 4:26 pm

artistictace wrote:
I'm not the type to 'self-diagnose' myself with a condition, but I don't know if, when I see the psychologist, I should say "I read about this Asperger's thing, and I think it totally fits." or just tell him everything there is to know about me, and see if he comes to the same conclusion. I suppose if I do have it, he will.


That's pretty much what I did, someone close to me had brought AS to my attention a couple years previously and when I read the diagnostic criteria it blew my mind, because it made me feel like someone had been following me around with a camera and assembling a psyche profile on me personally. 8O

So when I got a chance later to meet with a Therapist about a different issue, I asked her to make a note in my file and see if she agreed that it fit. Then I didn't bring it up again for several months, at which time she agreed that it made sense and made me an appointment with a Psychologist experienced with Autistic Adults, to be tested.

OTOH, I understand some Mental Health Professionals can be a little touchy about patients who self diagnose. I suppose it makes them feel that if the patients can diagnose their own disorders, then all that money they spent on a degree was wasted. So be careful how you broach the subject when you bring it up. :?


And welcome! When I was in my 20s, I had trouble remembering my exact age, too. Now I wish I could forget. :roll:



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22 Mar 2014, 4:32 pm

Hello Stacey, and welcome to WrongPlanet! It sounds like you have AS to me. Textures and eye contact are classic Asperger's. Often times I have no idea what I said or did to make people mad as well.

There are all kinds of shrink stories here, most of them bad. Psychologists aren't bad. The first visit is tough for them too because they must fit a lot into 50 minutes. If you mention textures and eye contact, the shrink will take your suggestion of Asperger's seriously, and maybe request a test to diagnose you. Anyways, we're all glad to have new members on board.



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22 Mar 2014, 7:37 pm

Welcome to Wrong Planet!


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22 Mar 2014, 8:04 pm

Welcome! :D

I can relate to much of what you wrote.

artistictace wrote:
I like researching things...

After reading the symptoms and thinking "A lot of those features describe me, but some of them don't." I googled Aspergers and found a website that listed specifically female characteristics, and on that list, almost every symptom fit.

My entire life I've tried to fit in, so a lot of the symptoms I read about were things I used to do, but made a conscious effort to stop, because people told me it's weird.


many of your symptoms as well, but this one stood out because it was a biggie for me when i first started learning about asperger's and that i have it:

artistictace wrote:
It appears that sharing one's symptoms is a commonplace strategy on this forum, so the symptoms I've read about that I feel I exhibit, include, but I doubt are limited to, not knowing how long I'm supposed to look someone in the eye for (I've been told I look shifty), social anxiety, not knowing how to make or keep friends, but desperately wanting some, I can't stand tags in my clothes, I can't eat raw carrots because of the texture, if there is a little too much of a spice in a food I can't eat it (mom calls me a super-taster, because I can tell if she cut my roll open with the same knife she used to cut an onion, but can't everyone do that?). The fights with my dad are always because he thinks I'm being rude or disrespectful, and I never know what it is I said or did. Half the time I don't know he's mad at me until my mother says "What did you say to your father this time?!" When people come up to me in a store and say "Hi! We had a class together!" I have no idea who they are. I used to rock back and forth in my office chair, but kept getting told off for "making the chair squeak" and made my self stop doing that. I really liked doing that. Loud noises make me jump, and whenever my dad coughs, I suddenly feel angry. I love to organize things, I put my photos of animals into categories by genus and species, and sort out different colored beads. I couldn't be bothered with make-up or any more hair-styling than a little mousse and a comb. People often tell me I look/behave young for my age, and I always get carded at restaurants. My best friend is a cat. One friend of my mom's says I'm "Very knowledgeable about Oil Painting." She probably assumed I learned all about it in college, but I did most of that research myself. I can't stand sticky or oily hands (mine or other peoples, I go through a lot of wet-wipes while oil painting) And I definitely have that 'maladaptive daydreaming' thing.


for example, i thought it was perfectly normal that i could tell when someone in my family had just been in a room before me and i could tell which person it was by the faint smell they left behind in the room, even if they weren't in it for very long. i had no idea most people's sense of smell (or hearing, or sight) is not that acute.

i also relate to what you wrote about what doesn't fit in terms of symptoms--i like to think i have a pretty good grasp of metaphor and humour/irony (i don't think i could hope to be much of a writer without either). i also have become rather expert at reading people (faces, body language, gesture, dress, etc)--but i suspect this is an adaptation due to a difficult childhood (for example: my father was extremely volatile so learning to read warning signs was necessary; he also "played his cards close to his chest", so not only did i need to learn how to read people, i needed to do it well).

even this i can relate to:
artistictace wrote:
Anyway, I apologize for being excessively verbose, but the easiest way to get the thoughts from spinning endlessly in my head is to write them down.


as you may have guessed from my response. :lol:



KB8CWB
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23 Mar 2014, 12:06 am

Hello and welcome to WP Stacey! :)



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23 Mar 2014, 1:42 am

Hello Stacey and welcome to Wrong Planet :D



artistictace
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24 Mar 2014, 10:34 am

Thank you everyone for your greetings and commiseration. It is nice not to feel so misunderstood. I am looking forward, whatever diagnosis I get, to be able to garner continued support from this forum.



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24 Mar 2014, 2:57 pm

artistictace wrote:
Thanks Wind, that you relate to my experience, and that you have an official diagnosis does help. I was a little worried I might be developing hypochondriasis.

I also remembered some things I didn't add to my symptoms list.
I pick at scabs and pull out my own hair (and the dog's, not mean like, but when her winter coat is half hanging off in clumps it drives me mad, but she doesn't like me pulling off the clumps and I get in trouble for "bothering the dog" and making a furry mess on the carpet) I like to rub smooth/soft things (often polished rocks or the dogs ears) in my hands, mom calls them my 'worry stones'. I was diagnosed with IBS as a child, but I keep it under control with a very high-fiber diet. I can't stand the sound of a vacuum cleaner, unless I'm the one using it (is that odd?). I am very clumsy with large movements, I drop things, and trip all the time, but I can paint the smallest details without trouble. I keep certain things very clean, like my palette, and my paint drawer, but let other things get messy, like the counter in the bathroom, and I never make my bed. When I was a child I was always told I was either talking too loud or too soft. Now people mostly complain that I'm talking too soft or mumbling.

There were a couple more things I thought of during lunch, but have forgotten now.

Another thought that's been bothering me, is whether to tell my mother that I think I know why I'm 'weird', as she puts it, or wait to see what the psychologist says. I have a feeling if I told her, she'd tell me I'm being ridiculous, but if the psychologist says it, she'd be more likely to take it seriously.

I also have Marfan Syndrome, which is no walk in the park. I forgot to mention that.


I was also diagnosed IBS, but have mostly lived with it quite easily, compared to other illnesses I have :P I have no idea what Marfan Syndrome is though, so -Googles-.. yeah I don't have that.
It sounds painful and annoying! D: I'm sorry to hear that. Is there no way to help with any pain there might be, or is there no pain?


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I have ASD, ADHD, Hypermobility Syndrome.


artistictace
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24 Mar 2014, 3:40 pm

I had to have titanium rods put in my spine to correct the scoliosis, and they pretty much hurt all the time. I use a TENS unit, take Hydrocodone and muscle relaxants as needed, use an electric heating pad, take very hot showers, and rest a lot. I had the rods put in at 15, so I've been dealing with it for more than a decade now. Pain is "the story of my life" nowadays. But I make do.
:D The good news is, at the time of my most resent CT scan, my mitral valve prolapse as decreased in severity to the point where it only shows up on the scans (Dr. can't heart it with the stethoscope anymore) and I've 'grown into' my enlarged aorta, so I don't have to take the Atenolol that my pediatric cardiologist said I would be one for the rest of my life (yay, no more cold hands and feet! [just a cold demeanor]).

Thanks for taking an interest. Now, I return to my easel!



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01 Apr 2014, 8:18 pm

artistictace wrote:
I'll start by saying hello, as I have learned is customary. I'm Stacey, and I'm 27 or 28 (I forget, and I don't understand why it's important to know your own age)


Sorry, but you can't introduce yourself with a line such as that an not expect me to fall in love with you. What I mean to say is that I really enjoyed your introduction. I am undiagnosed, but I have a nephew who is basically my mini-me who is a diagnosed aspie. It wasn't until my sister (also aspie) started to learn about aspergers and read off the character traits that we realized why we were such oddballs. I didn't come here until I saw the website listed at the end of Aspergers The Movie (click for youtube) that I found this place and I've been here for a day or two so far (I have no sense of time and also often forget the amount of solar revolutions I've made). Aaaaand that was just my introduction because I'm too shy to start my own thread.

Back to you: Based on your description of yourself, I think your psychologist will figure it out soon enough, but all that does is put a label on your behaviour and labels are only necessary for other people, not for yourself (though it might help your family understand that you aren't their clone and should be treated as a unique person).


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AutisticGuy1981
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02 Apr 2014, 9:15 am

artistictace wrote:
I like researching things,

Oh I love researching lol
Quote:
I'm not the type to 'self-diagnose' myself with a condition, but I don't know if, when I see the psychologist, I should say "I read about this Asperger's thing, and I think it totally fits." or just tell him everything there is to know about me, and see if he comes to the same conclusion. I suppose if I do have it, he will.

I've never been one to self diagnose either, My doctor was very understanding and believed me 100%.
He had great difficulty finding someone to diagnose an adult but managed to find someone in the end.
Quote:
My entire life I've tried to fit in

same but never felt comfortable with life or like I could ever fit in.
Quote:
It appears that sharing one's symptoms is a commonplace strategy on this forum

It certainly seems like a massive relief when you just let it all out.
I still cry when I do it :(

Quote:
not knowing how long I'm supposed to look someone in the eye for (I've been told I look shifty)

I try to avoid eye contact as much as possible which must make me seem totally uninterested even though I'm just trying to be somewhat comfortable
Quote:
social anxiety, not knowing how to make or keep friends, but desperately wanting some

I can totally relate to that, I wish you lived near me in the real world lol :(

Quote:

I never coul I can't eat raw carrots because of the texture

I can't eat any meat other than.
bacon, pepperoni or chicken purely because I hate the texture of the other meats.
Quote:
The fights with my dad are always because he thinks I'm being rude or disrespectful, and I never know what it is I said or did. Half the time I don't know he's mad at me

I used to fight with my ex-wife over things I didn't understand, I just thought she hated me at times and needed someone to take it out on.
When I didn't argue back or just put up a wall of silence it made her even more angry.
Quote:
Loud noises make me jump,

I can't even bang on my desk without blinking and feeling a bit nervous even though it's me making the noise.

Quote:
My best friend is a cat.

My best friend is my self :(
Quote:
As for things that don't quite fit, I use and understand sarcasm and analogies. I often explain bandwidth to computer illiterate people as "A highway where the cars are the information, and the higher the bandwidth, the more lanes there are." I can also read facial expressions, but I don't know if I'm doing it naturally, or if I've taught myself to consciously read the position of eyebrow, etc., because subtle expressions, or quick fleeting expressions often escape me.

I can understand sarcasm and humour but I find it terribly hard to spot in written form
I've had people on other forums actually ask If I'm autistic purely because of me not getting a joke or someone's attempt at sarcasm.

My brain is completely literal and goes along with the webpages about literal thinking and autism pretty much though.

I can understand when someone is happy or when someone is angry/sad but I wouldn't say I can read facial expressions and cues like a normal people must as I often feel overwhelmed and confused.


BTW I often forget how old I am too :lol:

sometimes I have to do the maths to realise :oops:
I always know roughly how old I am to within a year but I can never quite remember.

I have a habit of double checking everything as well just incase.

like I'll lock my door.
Then I'll heck I've locked it for definite before feeling like I can move on

I'm paranoid when it comes to buying stuff as well, there was a time when I wouldn't use a credit/debit card unless I had the cash on me as well because I was so scared of the embarrassment if my card got declined for some reason and I couldn't pay.



rebecca1220
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02 Apr 2014, 5:06 pm

Hi Stacey, nice to meet you.

I have Aspergers and I could relate to some of what you wrote.

xx