Terrible week so far...

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Today, I got a 64 on my Algebra test, but to be fair, there was a wide range in terms of grades in the class. The lowest was 18 and the highest was 96, though I took my test in a separate room in the academic support center, so that seemed to help a bit. However, what's worse is that it didn't just bring my average down to a bit, but by A LOT, especially given how tests are worth 80% as well as attendance being 20%, so people are already at risk at either being late, not having homework done on time, or being sick. I don't know why some professors do this to their class. But this is the first time that anyone's ever heard of someone who gives 80% on their tests afaik. My average is a 71 or a C-, so right off the bat, I'm already at risk of failing just like almost everyone else, but at least I'm doing well enough to pass (so far; hopefully). She said that if anyone fails the next exam, then they should drop the class. But it's not like I can drop the class anyway because I have to transfer to engineering next year AND if I drop it, then I won't be eligible for financial aid OR on-campus housing and this test is supposed to be before the break.

Given how my birthday is in two days (well, normally it would be today if I was out by this day as a baby), it's going to be the fourth sh*ttiest birthday in a row. 17 was a bad hair day and I planned on going on some trip, but my dad yelled at me. 18 sucked. 19 I didn't get anything. And if you ever followed up on my previous posts about my family, it's likely that I wouldn't get anything decent but a big fat giant C- on my report card this year when I turn 20. And this wasn't made any better given the fact that we had a snow day last wednesday so classes were cancelled and the test was moved to Monday. When I went back to my dorm bedroom today, I smashed a mug and started cutting myself. I washed it off with cold water and wrapped it in toilet paper bandages just to punish myself for being so reckless. I knew that it would count a lot towards our grade, but not by THAT much. Obviously, math would be my most biggest challenge, but the other classes I would wound up passing with an A with. I just have to make sure that I do well enough to get a 3.5 so I can get into phi theta kappa for next year, especially since I'll be taking summer courses for college algebra and pre-calc just to complete the transfer.

I hate everybody in my college. Everybody just seems to be a fake or just pretending to care about others when they really don't. I don't have any friends to help me get through this desperate struggle for getting good grades and all that. Even then, people fail to realize that college isn't like high school and the only way to get through day to day is if to treat it as if it were a zombie apocalypse. The toxic people are the zombies who only want to eat your brains and the ones who do care will either stab you in the back or leave you in a ditch for the rest of your life or both. Plus, you can forget about buying perishable food as the only foods that would matter are non-perishables because you wouldn't have time to make a decent meal.

Not only that, but sh*tty club meetings and overbearing professors, parents, advisors, job, etc. just kill my energy for the day. I can get that the world doesn't give a damn about me, but it's like year after year, I've been getting nothing but sh*t.

Many instructors give "extra credit." Try to get some "extra credit."

You're not failing. You just had a bad test. Just do better on the next test.

What are you learning in algebra now?

Intermediate, but I doubt that there'll be extra credit, since we joked about it in class about how the other class was begging for it, since they did worse than we did. But isn't it crazy to have tests that are 80% of your grade? I mean, what other professor (besides mine) does that?

I've been vomiting lately to get rid of all the bad food I had since food makes me sick now. Not only that, but I have a terrible headache.

I'm wondering if you're getting the flu, actually.

No, I don't have it. It's just a matter of the fact that I was emotionally devastated after this test and never imagined that it would (almost) kill our averages. Now I'm worried that I won't pass the next one or else I won't complete the grade or transfer or won't tutor it at all.

I didn't think of that....maybe you could go to the tutoring center or something?

I have gone to the academic support center for extra help, even weeks before the test. I did some practice on the problems as well. I have no idea why I did so badly. Maybe it was because I didn't eat much. Maybe it was because of the snowstorm (I'm not blaming the bad grade on the snowstorm, but I think it left us out in terms of studying or knowing what will be on the test). Who knows.

Regardless, I have to make sure I pass.

Plus, what made me get a headache also from last time was also from the county music my roommate was playing. I guess country music gives me a headache now.

Today was a disaster for my birthday. Had to go see the psychologist at my school. We talked a bit about this Ellis guy. Something about irrational fears or whatever. Went to my math class. Girl next to me with a lot of friends keeps giggling way too much. Had a long day at work. Went to Walmart and had to deposit my check but what's worse is that I wasn't told that I could've taken a photo of it and it'll transfer, according to my mom. Like, how was I supposed to know that? That's what banks are for. So that happened between my mom and I arguing. I have to go back to Walmart tomrrow to cancel the account, which is a $29 fee to cancel. Plus, when I came back, the tomato sauce I bought broke and spilled all over my pants which left a couple of stains that I need to wash. Not only that, but I had to bring EVERYTHING back up by myself, ONLY to have the tomato sauce spill again AFTER I shut the door and having to leave a towel on it to clean the stain. It's as if when life knows I want to have a good time, or having a good time, it manages to kick me in the ass harder than ever. And the only things I manage to succeed with in life are either good grades or money. Not people. No family. No friends. Plus, my mental state is growing more fragile by the minute and I have a massive headache, too.

I can relate to a lot of what you have said all too well.

Have you spoken to the instructor about your struggles with the exam? Do you have any academic accommodations? Mathematics has always been a weak subject for me, and exams/tests were always big anxiety triggers for me. One thing that made them bearable was taking them in my schools testing center. Basically I would take the test on a day that worked for me (not necessarily the day of the test) as long as it was before the set deadline. I would go there and basically have from the moment I walked in to the minute they closed to take the test. Mind you this was a community college, so it might be a bit different at a four year school.

I would also suggest practicing the equations and problems over and over again. It probably won't help with headaches, but you'll feel much more confident when test day comes.

Also, don't take in the contents of the whole test all at once. In my experience that is asking for an anxiety attack. Focus on one problem at a time. If one is challenging, skip it and move forward, then come back to it.
The way I looked at this stuff, you might end up wearing yourself down, but once its over, its over and done with.

If you're beyond stressed, step away from the work and the environment that is causing you stress. Take a walk, go to a favorite store, go out to eat somewhere. Do something that you know will calm you down.

This is basically how I was able to endure a 20 credit and 19 credit semester back to back, my senior year, with the added responsibilities of a theatre major and an Eagle Scout project.

I hope I have provided you with at least one little bit of helpful information.

I really wish I had friends.

I have spoken to them, but stopped talking afterwards due to the fact that I failed given a wide range of issues. But my biggest issue overall was not having enough money to buy anything to eat, which kind of ruined how I was able to study.

I practiced and did everything the teacher told me. But a lot of the times, my issues stem from a lot of financial security of which I don't have, given how I not only opened a bank account at walmart due to the lack of chase banks nearby, but was told that I could've taken a photo of until AFTER I already made the account.

If finances are the root cause of your stress is it possible to take a semester off to work and raise income?

If you are struggling to meet people/make friends, I can't recommend enough joining a club. At this point every college should have a wide variety of different clubs. See if you can join one that relates to your major or one that relates to a special interest. In community college I was in the theatre club and at university I was in an improv club and a gamer's club. Not only did they help make meeting people a little easier, but it was also something to look forward to after a long day of classes/work, and was a great way to step away from it all and unwind for an hour and a half.

Also, you mention wanting to get into the PTK honor society. If you can use it as a goal to do well and persevere, then by all means. However if trying to obtain that goal is too stressful and interfering with you elsewhere, then you need to ask yourself if it is really worth it. I was able to get into the same honor society in community college. When I transferred to a university, I unfortunately was unable to get into the honor society on campus. It was disappointing, but based on the stress I saw it cause some students in that society, it might have been for the best.

And in all honesty, getting inducted into PTK has not been of any particular use outside of college.

If you could clarify, are you attending a community college or a four year school?

It would be benign and impossible to take a semester off, especially given my home situation. I am working to say the least, but there are too many f*****g issues at home that it's impossible for me to go back and work. Plus, given how everyone sleeps in a walk-up apartment, and I don't have my own room to sleep in, I would have to sleep on the floor until fall 2018. Plus, college semesters are so goddamn long, so it's pointless to stop halfway because I wasn't doing so well in terms of finances. I'll have to find my own way. I HAVE to keep going, regardless.

I am already part of three clubs: Student Government, Peer Tutor, and History (also vice-president). The problem is though that the social life here is dead and it's just mainly the black and hispanic students that go to events more often than the caucasian students, especially since the BLSU (Black Latino Student Union) is the most active club on campus with a total of 200 or so members with the aforementioned 3 having a handful or two at best.

Well, it's not that I WANT to get into PTK per se, but that it's just a goal in mind that I could possibly reach. Most of my classes are pretty easy, save for Algebra in which I need to get the grade up by the next test. Even if it doesn't matter after college, it still helps to show to employers what you've done, along with the clubs you're in.

I'm attending a community college, btw. So it's a lot harder to really build a middle ground in terms of social life so whenever I do try and make "friends", which are more than less acquaintances, they're really a means to get by through the tough times and only offer a shallow sense of relate-ability. The same way with people at work and at high school and so on.

The problem with my clubs though is just that there are too many different issues at hand. For the peer tutor and student government clubs, the former we had an issue with the advisor and she was being a total b*tch to everybody and started getting overly emotional because only 2 appeared in our last meeting (meaning the meeting before the meeting when we had our meeting this week; so basically, the other week's meeting). This was due to the snowstorm that occurred on wednesday so some students may have been sick or unable to commute or both, but she took it way too personally as if one meeting meant the end of the world to the club. However, many of the members are mainly second years, so it's obvious that they wouldn't be as active as much. Still, it was a lot harder to say nothing because it could mean the wrong thing to her and she start acting more like a b*tch than ever before. Plus, everyone treats each other as competition for the scholarship.

The Student Government meeting doesn't really care much for giving credit to others, as well as the fact that it doesn't even give a sh*t about the well-being of the student body overall. The biggest example would be when I mentioned that there should be a shuttle bus in the college hill area because there's a massive and steep hill students have to walk up do during particular days when there are snowstorms, especially since that it takes about 20 minutes just to get to a phys ed course and 15 more minutes to change into the insane amounts of layers I wear to and back. Plus, this class is at 8AM on Mondays and Wednesdays so I have to be out of my dorm by at least 7:10am or else anymore later I wouldn't be able to make it.

Another issue is that each or some friday(s), there is an event called freebie friday and given how this week was the chinese new year, the college thought it best to give out free chopsticks. But there's one problem to this, THERE ARE ALREADY FREE CHOPSTICKS IN THE CAFETERIA. So I brought this out on how much of a waste of resources it was and the excuse for why, according to the advisor, as to why this had to be done, especially for every freebie friday, was because so that more people could come in to their office. That is just a sad, sad excuse to hold an event, don't you think so? Plus, they emphasized greatly on the event towards foreign students, but the foreign students had a problem with the poster design because the chopsticks were holding sushi and sushi was Japanese and they were Chinese. Plus, why would they (the foreign students) need to teach other students how to use chopsticks when they could already learn it online?

I was also part of other clubs like the science, anime, and video game clubs but those became a waste of time for me. I made the poster and everything for the club and brought astronomy magazines and did my research, but all of that became destroyed when one student decided that the science club should also focus on the fake or pseudosciences or the social sciences in that regard. Which destroyed the overall aspect of the club because why have a science club if science is not the main component? The video game and anime clubs became wastes of time for me because they were too long AND I didn't want to waste 4 hours of my life watching anime or playing video games when I would already have bigger, better, and more important things to do like keep my grades up and do homework? Plus, their tastes were terrible. I don't mean to sound like an elitist, but there are MUCH better games to play than Call of Duty or Mario Kart. Plus, one girl with orange hair who went full babushka mode this semester (that is, wrap a scarf around her head, but it could be migraines or head cold that's the case), who's also vegan and short and has a fiancee but spends more time talking to the foreign exchange students than her actual fiancee, kept taking way too much of an interest in me for some reason. She even did that whole innocent arms behind her back pose when she commented during game night (which I only went to for the free food) about how much she loved the nintendo gamecube (because tournaments were being held for Melee and Injustice 2) and I said "well, everybody loves the nintendo gamecube (*silently mutters "So I don't see your point in what you're doing")." I think she might be what the internet calls a "th*t." And I'm not saying this on my behalf, or anything in that regard, but I think that guys who call girls who are cheap imitations of "good girls" are what they call thots.

The History club is still fairly new and we only meet the third tuesday of every month. The problem is that there aren't as many active members as it is, so it's going to be very tough to bring it up and running without a strong group to back it up.

Overall, until the summer comes, I have to tough my way through on my own from no on. My parents are both low-income at this rate, especially with the whole BS mistress affair that happened last month and I haven't been able to get anything for my birthday at this point either, apart from my paycheck and having to cancel the bank account until my mother told me that I could've taken a photo of it.

Another issue is that regarding "friends", especially online. Most of the time I meet them via gaming on my PC, but my PC broke in November due to dehydration issues and how the tap water tasted terrible up here. So I'll have to buy a new gaming laptop, along with a controller and new games to boot it up. I've compiled a list over the past few months of games I plan on getting, though it's likely that I'll have to save some for later in the year depending on my income.

Based on the Steam sales, my games so far are:

Summer:

FTL
Jagged Alliance 2
Zachtronics Bundle
Hollow Knight
Shovel Knight
Chaos Theory
Resident Evil REmake, 0, and 4
Legacy of Kain
Recettear
Oddworld
TIE Fighter series
Stardew Valley
Freespace 2
Age of Wonders 2
Total Annihilation
Dark Messiah
God Eater 2
Vampire Masquerade
Titan Quest
Darklands

(GOG Only):

Battle Realms
S2: Silent Storm
Ground Control
Disciples 2

Winter:

Shogun 2
Nier Automata
Rimworld
Morrowind
Oblivion
Cuphead
Okami HD
Xenoverse 2
Pillars of Eternity
Deus Ex
Diablo II
Neverwinter 1 and 2
Planescape Torment
Icewind Dale

I think its important and good that you recognize that. Unfortunately sometimes there are no solutions that involve a lot of hardships. My fall semester of senior year I was taking 20 credits, working at my campus job, working on a dance show in two different capacities (co-light designer + helping assemble costumes), and in the middle of all that I had to get my Eagle Scout project completed by a certain time.

Then the spring semester was 19 credits with three of them being writing intensive (I wrote 60+ pages for finals alone), performing in a play, and arraigning my post-graduation plans.

Those plans wound up being an 11-week intensive acting apprenticeship at a Shakespeare theatre, which began less than two weeks after graduation.

To say that I was extremely burnt out by the time I finally could settle down after close to a full year of nonstop work is the understatement of the millennia. But everything I did I had to do, and it had to get done with minimal time for self woe. Despite how difficult it all was, it was a feeling of relief that I could not begin to describe when I knew without any uncertainty that it was over, and I can look back on it all and realize what I accomplished in those times. Perhaps what you are going through is such a time.



If you feel it is a goal you want to achieve and feel you are capable of achieving it, then go for it! I personally don't have this or any of the clubs I've been in on my resume and I've never heard any professional in my field recommend I do so, but perhaps your field is different. I would ask a professor or someone who works in the field you are interested in if such a thing would be seen as an asset on a resume when looking for work.



I started out in community college too, and what you said here is more or less true. You had also mentioned that the people are "shallow" and think community college is "an extension of high school". I have found that community college students, especially freshman right out of high school, are the primary source of these conceptions. They are still in that high school mentality and they need time to mature and grow (assuming they actually will). If they say that it is just like high school, they probably aren't very good students, and their performance as students will have a LARGE affect on their choice of schools if they transfer. When you transfer to a four year school as a junior presumably, I think you will find a vast difference in the quality of student you encounter there.



On one hand, I can understand this as a way to advertise their presence and their services to students on campus. On the other hand regarding the chopsticks, it sounds like they didn't plan thoroughly. If the target audience was foreign students, it would have been better if they consulted with actual foreign students from each present demographic how to appeal to them. I think a better idea would have been to get the Asia club involved and have them give out little trinkets or something that is an accurate representation of their culture. You accomplish three things going this way;

1. The student body club & the guest club get to promote themselves.
2. The student body club can get more people in their office and the guest club can get new members.
3. There is a learning opportunity for the attendants of the event. In this case, it the Asia club was the guest club, someone might learn a thing or two about that culture which they didn't know before.

Also, if there are no clubs that interest you or are worth your time, then just focus on your work and finishing community college so you can move on.



1. I would suggest if you really are friendly with them, ask if there are other ways you can talk with them (email, other forums, phone number, etc). That way you are not completely cut off from them if your computer stops working.

2. *side note* The PC games I usually play are very light hardware wise, so I am not familiar with true gaming hardware. I know that some graphics cards and CPU's for gaming purposes run hot enough that they need water for coolant, but does the quality of water really matter for that stuff?

Sounds like you've been through a lot. Hope things are better for you, now. I can probably talk to my professors about PTK, but let's wait it out a bit until I get into my sophomore or senior year.

Hit the nail on the head right there. But the problem is that it doesn't have to be the bad students that say it's like high school. Sometimes it can be the good students, the ones who work hard enough, but find it to be too easy in some cases and just long and dragged out. Which I kind of can't help but hate. When you get engaged in college but are struggling to go on, it'll be a waste just to drop out but at the same time it's just too long each semester so it'll be pointless to consider it. It's really a lose-lose situation for everyone, including me.

The problem is that with the lack of family support and no room for me to fall under, and the fact that my sister is graduating high school this year, I can't afford to give up now.

Well, it's obvious that they didn't plan thoroughly. But the student gov't club is still important nonetheless. Same with the peer tutor and history club as well. Plus, it's not like I can drop them or anything because they kind of go through my curriculum or whatever.

I still have my mac, but it's garbage when it comes to games and size. also, what I meant by water and dehydration, I didn't mean anything involving the computer. I meant that I was too dehydrated to play because I didn't drink any water the whole day so I got angry and such.

Thank you. I graduated two years ago, so unless I decide to go to grad school, regular schooling is finished for me. Doesn't mean stressful days or periods of time are no longer a problem.



I took about three years to finish community college, and after a while most of the people I had come to know well who were in my major reduced because they moved on. So even I felt ready to move on from community college. Again, it is something one has to power through to the end.



I have found that sometimes the most hopeless seeming of situations can end up being the biggest motivators.



Is their any way you can present feedback to them? If they know what's good for them, they should listen to constructive criticism that they get so they can improve themselves. Feedback can be the incredibly valuable to an organization (or anyone really) to better themselves, but someone actually has to leave feedback for them.



Ah, I see. My apologies. Nonetheless, as someone who is prone to getting dehydrated relatively easily, make an effort to drink some kind of fluid. Dehydration has sent me to the hospital before. Believe me, you don't want that.


Has your week improved at all? I hope that anything I have said has been helpful to you in some way.