Pretty sure my coworker is pissed at me

Page 1 of 1 [ 6 posts ] 

amal
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 4 Nov 2016
Gender: Female
Posts: 5

14 Aug 2017, 4:26 am

I'm pretty sure my co-worker is not happy with me.
I don't know why.
They hardly speak to me now and when I talk to them they make very brief comments that seem like they are angry with me to do with how the work is there for both of us.
But I do work hard.
How can I address this? I am afraid if I speak to them to ask I will make it worse because I won't understand their response.
Our supervisor is not really that involved and I dont know that it will go well if I speak to them.

Thank you.



Carinthium
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 10 Aug 2017
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 6
Location: Melbourne

14 Aug 2017, 7:52 pm

There are serious downsides to revealing autism, but assuming you already have (otherwise I wouldn't recommend this), I would try attempting to be sincere, emphasize autism a lot, and try to persuade them you really don't understand what you did. Say you're sorry for whatever it is and try to get them to talk to you.

If you haven't, it depends how much you value the relationship. If you're sure you're wrong or are willing to humiliate yourself, maybe try saying things like "I'm sorry I was such a d__k" or "I'm sorry I'm so insensitive." It's humiliating and it's unfair on you, so it's a matter of if it's really worth your dignity but it could work.

(DISCLAIMER: I have never tried to give advice before. I'm simply hoping this is better than nothing)



SixthTitan
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 19 Jul 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 48

15 Aug 2017, 8:10 am

Just ignore them for now and let them cool off steam, don't contact them unless you are required to.
They could be having issues outside of work and taking them to work with them which is unprofessional but it happens.

Let them work out their issues and don't try to help unless they ask for it.
Just go on about your day and try to forget about it.

amal wrote:
I'm pretty sure my co-worker is not happy with me.
I don't know why.
They hardly speak to me now and when I talk to them they make very brief comments that seem like they are angry with me to do with how the work is there for both of us.
But I do work hard.
How can I address this? I am afraid if I speak to them to ask I will make it worse because I won't understand their response.
Our supervisor is not really that involved and I dont know that it will go well if I speak to them.

Thank you.



oddnumberedcat
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 1 Aug 2017
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 54

18 Aug 2017, 9:37 pm

I'm having a little trouble understanding what you meant about work, but I'm interpreting it to mean your coworker is annoyed with how you approach your work?

I think it's worth asking them, "Hey, so-and-so, I was thinking about our work together and wanted to get your thoughts. Is there anything you see that I could do differently or need to improve on?"

Phrasing it this way does a couple things things: 1) it makes you not sound paranoid in case you're reading too much into their behavior (I do this a lot), 2) makes you sound like you're genuinely interested in improving at work, and 3) gives them an easy opportunity to give direct feedback, if they have any. Not everyone is comfortable giving critical feedback, so he may say nothing's wrong when there is (but he could also say nothing's wrong because there's truly nothing wrong). If there's an issue and he denies it, that's his loss, and it is now out of your court. You gave him an opportunity to express his concerns, and he didn't take you up on it.

If they say there's no problem, then drop it and don't bring it back up (unless things escalated or something).



beady
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Sep 2013
Age: 64
Gender: Female
Posts: 885

20 Aug 2017, 4:51 am

I strongly suggest not sharing any personal information with an already angry coworker. Chances are good they will get over their current state on their own. They may also use the information against you.
If the situation presents itself, I would agree that it might be helpful to communicate. However, I wouldn't apologize and make this other person assume you are the problem. I would suggest asking if everything is ok with them because they seemed a bit quiet lately. It's their problem, not yours.



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

20 Aug 2017, 8:52 am

It might be the co-worker's problem.

It might not be your problem.