Socialising with collegous outside of work

Post Reply New Topic

Do you often hang out with those you work with outside of work? Lets say you were invited to a party they were organizing, with mostly people from work, would you attend?

I'm having a difficult time deciding whether or not I'm going to attend on one of their "gatherings", although they occasionally try to invite me, half-heartedly I suppose, I'm finding it hard to read if they actually want me there or not. Part of me really wants to go, as I would like to feel included and be a part of what they got. But I also feel like regardless of the setting I would still be the same old me, just sitting kind of by myself minding my own business, hardly ever contributing socially. (I've been working as an apprentice for about half a year now, and I'm already "known" for being the "weird", shy and quite guy.)

So my whole dilemma is; Should I go and risk making even a more fool out of myself, by showing everyone that I'm incapable of handling social settings, or just stay at home as usual?

Thanks in advance.

I'd go.

Generally, I find these things exhausting. BUT. I quite like people watching, it can be fun to just sit and watch in more closed-up, WASP-ish type settings where I get to observe my otherwise chatty co-workers be incredibly awkward when they're supposed to have "fun" with each other outside of work. Especially if it's a company event. It makes me feel like THEY should be made to feel included in my world.

Wow, you totally just described me right there. I went out with some co-workers after work one day last week, and some people wondered if I was sad because I was quiet and sitting by myself and looking at the tabletop. (I was fine; I just happened to be studying the pattern on the tabletop! ) With a lot of co-worker social events, I take the tact of "I'll drop by for little bit." I'll stop by for 45 minutes to an hour or so, then excuse myself.

I feel like I'm in the same boat, only I'm pretty much autonomous at work and am paid more than the others (except the two supervisors) so the few times I've been invited to stuff recently I don't know how unprofessional I can be and still be respected, especially because they're the drinking type.

You should definitely go!

I don't think I can handle it to be honest. I'm never included in their conversations at lunch times, even though I'm sitting with them. I don't want to make things worse by showing everyone there how "pathetic" I really am, even if I consume alcohol. I'm scared shitless of doing new things as well, such as going to cafeterias/restaurants etc. Ordering food and such is a hard task for me, as I'm often unsure on what to say and how the processes will go through.

I fear this will make me look even more odd than I am

I would not have gone.

Only if i had a close friend in that group i might have joined in....

Otherwise i would not go in a group where i can't relate to the people
plus i would be very quite and look out of place.

i prefer keeping workplace and social life different
hmm....i don't add colleagues from work on my Facebook account also
its risky

A very good point .

I have managed to attend a few "after hours" get togethers with co-workers, just to put in some "face time". Can't say it helped my career any, but it's good to be social sometimes.

Also, I think part of this journey though life with AS gives all of us not just the knowledge of why we are the we are (and there is nothing wrong with that), but also the power to change and adjust to the NT world we live in as we see fit .

I have learned of this (Asperger's) only as of late, so I have been compensating for my strange social life (just never really fitting in anywhere) for a lot of years.

Meerkat, you don't have to wait so long, this could be your chance to break out of your shell as it were, even if just to observe the strange behaviour.... . Or not. If you are not comfortable going to one of these "events", then politely decline. They may think what they like, but ultimately, the choice is yours .

It's a job, you are there to make money, not friends. Do as instructed, perform as expected and get paid. Nothing more. The social aspect, or perchance making a few friends along the way is just a bonus.
Somehow, I have always managed to make a friend or two at every job I have ever had, so you just never know .

Good Luck, whatever you decide .

I don't like such meetings and avoid them.

Firstly, work collegues are only work collegues, nothing more. It is not a good idea to become too close since in year or two either you or them would not work in the same place anymore.

Secondly, working in the same place rather not means you have anything in common. Work is acquiring food and other resources, not realising yourself, so at least if work is not your hobby, there's nothing binding you.

Thirdly, I have no common interests, and when not talking about job, such meetings will end up talking about sport, women or cars, topics of no interest to me.

I've only known about a dozen ppl irl that share common interest with me and none were coworkers. Another thing, some of those guys I'll see for forty or fifty hours a week, more than I see real friends, the hell I wanna spend more time them for?