School Supplies

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Time to start buying school supplies. DS needs a new lunchbox. He had a character lunchbox, but I think he may be getting too old for another one. At what age/grade do you think a kid is too old to have characters on their school supplies? DS does not have a strong preference either way. He is mainstreamed in a public school.

Tough call: I think every school is different, and what's more, older kids sometimes get character lunchboxes for the irony.

If your son doesn't care one way or the other, I might err on the side of the least-noticeable option. If characters are in, you can always give him stickers or decals.

I love school supplies time!
I will get a lunchbox too.
I think any age is fine for a character lunchbox.

That is a tough one b/c a plain one might be deemed uncool, also. I think it also depends on what type of character and that means understanding what kids his age thinks of as cool.

If I had to guess, I would say 6th grade is the end point and that once Junior High School starts, that is probably when they stop with that stuff, but it really does vary, I think.

I wonder if the school would know, and if there is anyone up there during the summer who could give you the 411 on the local customs.

My older kid is going into fifth. Most of the kids in his class have non character boxes, but that may just be because their parents don't buy them. He does wear t-shirts with Yu-Gi-Oh or Minecraft on them. I believe in 3rd grade, a bunch of the kids still had character stuff, but not so much in fourth. The kids in my younger son's second grade class are all still sporting character t-shirts and backpacks going into third grade too. I see many of them with Spider-Man or Batman. My kids have always had plain ones (as many kids here) because I am unwilling to spend more than $6 for a lunch box. The school is so big and lunch boxes go missing so often (and never turn up again). Where we live, plain is not uncool. I am pretty sure my fifth grader would love a Minecraft lunch box, though.

For a compromise between plain and character, how about camouflage? The military kind. Heck, you can even get a real military food container from a surplus store. Nowadays, with all the wars in Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria, Ukraine, wherever America wants to get involved in, the military aspects are invading (no pun intended) the civilian society like never before since Vietnam.

While a camo lunchbox may not be cool, or will certainly not be uncool. No boy will ever be given a hard time for showing interest in a male-oriented topic like the armed forces. Most school officials, however, hate everything "violent", so call the school and check if camo is allowed.

My daughter is going into 5th. She has indicated that she no longer wants "little kid clothes." No characters on shirts, backpacks, etc. She said that SHE still likes them, but that most kids her age do not have them anymore.

My son still wore novelty t-shirts into 5th grade, but he most definitely stood out because of it. But that could be because 90% of them were Pokemon t-shirts. I swear he had every one ever made. In 8th grade it seemed that "cool" kids could get away with character lunch boxes, novelty t-shirts and the like, but your average nerdy kid was still teased for it.

Camo was "safe" for my son for a long, long time - even now in high school, kids get camo stuff. Good call.

"Safe." That's the word I was looking for! Perhaps that'll change once the US stops getting involved in all the wars.
But it's the new normal, and it's here to stay.

Even now as an adult, camo T-shirts are a safe bet. It even seems like I get slightly more respect when I wear it. There's a fashion rule regarding camo clothes, though: shirt OR shorts/pants, never both.

Yes, this is a rule we also had my son internalize: matching top and bottom (usually) makes it look like you are wearing pajamas (at least in male clothing.) My son also prefers to wear black as much as possible, and we have to make sure there is enough differentiation (black tshirt and black jeans is OK, black tshirt and black sweatpants, not so much.)

All these rules are hard, especially since by and large they are strictly social rules that have zero practical effect - but it's hard to "fly under the radar" if you don't follow them, or at least don't break them purposely (DS likes to wear a hat year-round, but is aware of and willing to deal with the potential social fallout.)

Don't get me started on the shoe "rules." Bullying about shoes is incredibly common - we were fortunate to be able to afford inexpensive Nikes - not a small thing, considering he's been through 6 shoe sizes in the last couple years. In our school, Nikes are "safe," other brands can be a real challenge to navigate - if you get the really "cool" (and expensive) shoes that the cool kids are wearing, you get accused of "trying too hard" and if you get the "uncool" store brands, kids will point you out in the hallway. There's an entire nasty internet meme on the subject http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/what-are-those (kids really do this to each other at school...DS at first decided new shoes were better than having kids yell at him)

DS finally decided on shoes he liked because he liked the way they felt instead of the "safe" ones, and stopped worrying about the social fallout, and I'm proud of him for making that decision. I find the whole culture to be horrifying, especially since it specifically targets kids who are financially disadvantaged.

Momsparky,

I have not encountered the shoe thing yet, which is weird since we live in NYC. But, my nephew (in Long Island) was getting bullied for his shoes (in elementary school). I don't know whether it's because we live in a very economically diverse area and it doesn't happen so much here, or whether it's something we'll deal with later on. There are also lots of children whose families are immigrants here too and wear "different" shoes and clothes. My 10 year old kid (probably BAP) usually wears Vans slip ons because he likes to slip them off in class do to sensory issues. I like them because they are cheaper than a lot of other brands.

InThisTogether,

My rising 5th grader will wear Pokemon shirts. He is one of the few kids in his class who still loves Pokemon. He said that some of the kids claim it's babyish, but that he noticed that kids stop playing Pokemon in the older grades of elementary, but like it again in college , so figures he's ahead of the game (he has older cousins). He is not too concerned about kids making it, or the T-shirts an issue.

Well, matching camouflage isn't so much about resembling pajamas. It's more about it having a terrorist look (sorry!). That, or imitating a real uniform too closely, which servicemen might perceive as disrespectful. If you watch those videos, you'll see those scumbags wearing camo all over, although some wear black or a Islamic green.

That is NOT a desirable appearance is this day and age, especially with paranoid, fear-mongering school officials. Who don't even even realize that the classic US Woodland print, replaced by Digital Disruptive in the military but popular among civilians, is different from the camo worn in the Middle East.

Most Caribbean countries even make it illegal for civilians to wear any kind of camouflage, even purses or bikinis. I found out about it when booking a Caribbean cruise. Reason being that their rebel forces and drug runners wear it frequently, and the police might mistake civilians for those criminals and fire at them.

We didn't run into it until Middle School (which starts at 6th grade here, but my guess is that it starts wherever that cutoff is in different districts) We also live in a very urban, very diverse neighborhood and have lots of immigrants...I think it's also part of a push for assimilation that tends to happen in the teen years.

Every school district is different, though (and my understanding is that the "preferred" shoe can vary across our school district.) I worry more for the kids whose parents are choosing between "cool" shoes and necessities than I do for my kid who is able to process that sometimes kids are jerks.

I'm not surprised that "cool" kids are teasing other peers who are in lower-income situations when it comes to shoes. For some, $80 Nike's are a luxury...and impossible. The "cool" students are the ones with the higher income and can afford those $300 Air Jordans and other useless crap.
For a regular school day, you DON'T NEED AIR JORDANS!! !!
Surprisingly, no one bugs me about my shoes at all. I wore lots of low-cost shoes for years; the first real good pair of shoes I got was a $40 Adidas.
I wear just random T-shirts, no writing, just a straight color (I have yellow, orange, red, two or three blues, etc). Sometimes I'll wear my school shirt on a Pep rally day, for example. And I sometimes wear my several-year-old Seahawks jersey to school on a "Blue Friday" in football season.

I never really enjoyed character lunchboxes. I don't even use lunchboxes anymore - just paper bags. There's been a LOT of leftovers and turkey-cheese sandwiches in those bags. Thankfully this is my final year in the K-12 system.

RE: Lunchbox...
I would think a sports-themed lunchbox would be appropriate at any age for a boy (provided the boy is into sports).
Otherwise, if your child is artistic, why not buy a plane lunchbox and let him decorate it?

RE: Shoes...
In my area Converse "Chucks" (classic All-Star sneakers) would be considered "safe" for any age or gender to wear to school (although I'd avoid colours like pink for a boy).

The other option would be sport sandals. I see both boys and girls walking back and forth to an elementary school a few blocks from my house in these during nice weather. (Locally socks are required for school boys, but as we're so inland, it's pretty much the "style" with male sandal wearers).

(Of course this advice is coming from a dude who frequently wore Superman shirts to his college classes.)

It's important to remember there are two pieces to this issue: one, insulating your child - when reasonable - from differences he or she may not be able to understand that don't make a difference to him or her. Years ago, my son wanted his head shaved in a "mohawk," and I didn't let him - not because I care about his hair, but because I was well aware that he HATED when kids comment on his hair, and would have been constantly upset by both the negative and positive attention it was likely to generate. Unfortunately, especially with a kid on the spectrum - but even with NT kids, this is an impossible task, so the best parents are able to do is smooth out the rough edges.

The other thing is to teach them how to manage their choices when they are different, and to be aware of what it is that they are communicating via their personal appearance.

We let DS go to school wearing a totally (socially) inappropriate outfit because we had talked it through and were convinced he could accept the social fallout. For instance, he often likes to wear a full suit and tie in social situations that call for tshirts and shorts - we're OK with that, because he understands and is OK with the attention (both positive and negative) it generates.

So, while we started out by buying him Nikes because apparently Sketchers are "really, really bad," just to defray comment, he finally picked a semi-off-brand of shoes because they were his favorite color and had memory foam that suited his sensory needs...but he decided to take whatever was coming from the sneakerheads to do so.