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lady_katie
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17 Oct 2017, 7:07 pm

Hi there, I was hoping to get some opinions on a situation I'm experiencing with my 3 year old who has autism. I have him enrolled in a special ed preschool - it's 5 hours per day and he receives speech/OT/PT several times per week each, and spends the rest of his time in an integrated class of 12 (including him) students.

He seems to enjoy school, and his speech has improved tremendously in just the first month of being there. He sings the little songs, and I hear him saying his classmates names. It seems to be having a positive impact on him. However, right after school, immediately after he is handed off to me, he starts having significant behaviors. Typically before we even get out of the school doors he has flopped to the ground at least once. Once we get out the doors, he has been flopping to the ground every few feet, refusing to walk. He refuses to get into the car, and then once in the car, refuses to get in the car seat. He starts screaming repeatedly (not tantruming, just screaming.)

So, I asked his teacher if she thinks he might be overwhelmed with school, and what we can do about it. She doesn't think he's overwhelmed. She suggested that I "wait him out" when he has behaviors, and give him firm instructions on what it is that I want him to do. So, I've been trying to take her advice.

This is backfiring, though. He quickly caught on to the fact that I am waiting for him to get up, and he started flipping over onto his knees, quickly crawling out of arms reach, and than bolting. Today he started to bolt into the parking lot and I had to leave my older son (who also has autism) standing on the sidewalk while I ran after him (he can be left for a second, but I definitely do not prefer to have to do that.) Then after I got him in the car, I had to stand in the parking lot "waiting him out" for the next 20 minutes while he screamed, kicked me, and tried to push his way through me to get back out of the car, until he finally tired himself out enough for me to get him into the car seat.

The behaviors generally de-escalate about 75% for the car ride home, re-escalate a bit between transitioning from the car to the house, and then slowly de-escalate a great deal for the remainder of the day.

The school isn't being very helpful, or very sensitive to the fact that two days per week I have my older son with us, who also requires my assistance. For example - last week, my older son ALSO flopped to the ground while I was trying to get my 3 year old to stand up, and multiple classroom aides and staff members walked by without offering me any assistance what so ever.

I do not necessarily agree with his teacher about him not being overwhelmed, but if she does not think that is the problem, I am not sure what I can do about it. I homeschool my older son, so I am somewhat concerned that she might be resistant to me suggesting that school could cause a problem. Some people get really defensive over this sort of thing, especially some of those who have invested themselves into a completely different model of education (this is definitely not everyone though, some professionals are extremely supportive and enthusiastic about it.)

Anyway, I don't have to keep him in school if things continue to get worse - I could switch him over to home based therapies, but I would hate to lose his current speech therapist. I feel like I am kind of on my own here, and I'm just not sure what to do. Should I try telling his teacher about the bolting behavior and ask her for more advice? I feel like that will get me nowhere. I suppose I could ask her if we could involve the school psychologist and/or social worker.

Does anyone have any thoughts?

PS: My husband brings him to school in the morning, and as far as I know he does not experience any issues at all.

Thank you!



ASDMommyASDKid
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18 Oct 2017, 4:59 am

I was going to type something out until I saw that he only does this with you and not your husband. I can't tell if this is because of that or because of the difference between drop off and pick up. I know what I am suggesting may not be possible (and that the change itself may cause problems because it is change) but I wonder what would happen if you switched one day and your husband picked him up and you dropped him off. (I am guessing your husband would have to do it on a day off?)

It could also be a combination -- meaning he is overwhelmed after school AND you are his safe person with whom he feels most safe releasing his pent up feelings.



Daddy63
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19 Oct 2017, 6:19 pm

Clearly he's being pushed into a new world where he is expected to communicate verbally and expected to behave according to social norms that he likely doesn't yet understand. It very likely he is overwhelmed and simply holding it together until you get to the school to pick him up. He feels comfortable enough with you and he has a meltdown which is simply his way of unwinding.

So what might you try?

1- Make sure teachers are giving him opportunities to self-regulate. Kids who are overwhelmed like this often seek relaxing behaviors by themselves -- building with blocks, reading, and stimming (spinning, flapping etc). If teachers attempt to stop those activities and especially if they force him to stop and join social activities, it can be extremely negative.

2- Provide visual and written instructions. He likely doesn't understand the verbal communication and this will likely help. Often our ASD kids are learning with their eyes and not their ears especially at a young age. You may be surprised how much he can understand and communicate with pictures and how easy it is for him to read or learn to read simple instructions. Once he can clearly understand expectations and communicate his needs in the classroom, I bet the after school meltdowns will subside.

My son went through the same phase at that age. Once he clearly understood all classroom routines and instructions were provided in written form with pictures, he improved dramatically. We did have to have a couple of battles with teachers and aides who forced him to participate in social activities when he clearly needed to de-stress. This was especially an issue on Thursday and Friday at the end of the week when he often wanted to play or read books quietly and alone to unwind. He is now in a full day regular kindergarten and is excelling. The written and visual instructions continue to be important.



Joe90
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24 Oct 2017, 4:30 am

When I was a child I used to do something a little similar, not when I was as young as 3, but when I was aged between 5 and 10. Although I had attention difficulties in school, I still behaved rather well. But when I came out of school, I would play my mum up all the way home, and when I got home I was very hyper. I think I was being someone I wasn't all day at school (due to shyness and anxiety), then when I saw my mum again I felt I could be myself.

Maybe it's the same with your son. In fact NT toddlers can be like that too, obviously not the same way as your son, but they are usually more well-behaved at nursery, then as soon as they see their mum they start to play up. They're usually more 'naughty' with the mother than they are with the father.


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