black36 wrote:
Hey guys,
I am 41, my wife is 40, and we have 3 kids. Two boys 10 and 8, and my daughter is 5. I am writing about my 8 year old son.
Symptoms:
1 - Social problems: We just found out that he segregates himself from the other children on the playground during recess (he is in 3rd grade). He will "hang-out" with an aide, while engaging in adult like conversations with her. He will never join other children. He also cannot handle crowds of people. Any group frightens him, even family get togethers. Anxiety is at a high if he knows that we are going to some sort of social function as a family. He will demand continuously to the point of embarressment that we need to leave shortly after any arrival at any social event (birthday, graduation, wedding, general visit, barbeque, you get the picture). He also quit basketball last winter after several successful team practices. He had a melt down at his first game. This ended his basketball career, however, he has continued to play baseball (little league) for the fourth season in a row, but, when he made the all-star game, he had a tantrum during the 2nd inning, demanding that he needed to leave the field. Hopefully, he will play next spring. Also, even though he has some friends, he will often segregate himself even if the friend has been invited over to our house. He will usually demand that the friend needs to go home.
2 - General family tension: 90% of all issues in our home, includes my 8 year old son. On the rare occasion that he is not home (spending alone time with a grandparent for example), the house is suddenly calm and peaceful. He is also very physically expressive with anger. He will scratch or punch others without hesitation. (This includes all of us) This does not seem to go along with what I have researched on the web with "aspies", but I am just spilling my guts here with the hope to get some direction. Other common issues: when the family wants hotdogs, he wants hamburgers, get the picture?
I certainly get the picture, we have the exact same tension, and the exact same arguments with our son, I believe it comes from his need to control his environment, others might say it's oppositional defiance. I could see my son being oppositional, as he'd have easily learned how to be from me.
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3 - Coordination: An odd thing that he was diagnosed with a few years ago was his inability to hop on one foot during a routine doctor check-up. This seems strange because he is well coordinated with basic baseball skills, and his agility is normal. He also HATES to ride a bicycle. Enjoys playing chess and LOVES video games.
It sounds like it could be sensory issues to me.
Check out this age about the "7" senses. I've linked to Kinesthesia, because it sounds like what you're describing here.
http://academics.tjhsst.edu/psych/oldPsych/senses/kinesthesia/intro.htmlThis site is VERY informative...
http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/Quote:
4 - Eating: Will frequently spit out food due to gaging. Also, he cannot watch people eat certain foods, nor watch someone brush their teeth. He will gag. He also cannot handle the dentist. We had to have him put out at a hospital in order to take care of a simple filling a year ago. His adult teeth came in with cavities.
We had our son in the hospital for 5 fillings in May ($$$) again, due to his sensory issues. Everything about a dental office is a nightmare for our son (who's 12 by the way). The sights, sounds, anxious kids in the waiting area (he can pshysically seem to 'feel' tension), phones ringing(sound), drills buzzing(sound), laying back in a chair when he has such a poor sense of where his body is in space(kinisthesia, equillibrium) , having 2 strangers right in his face when he already has a hard time with eye contact and being close with people to begin with, ....and then, last but not least, BAM!! ! A nice birght light, directly in the eyes (sight). Of course there are also weird flavours ranging from latex to cherry flouride, these count for funny smells too. It's complete overload! The last time we went to the ped dentist, Trent was doing so well keeping himself in check, until the gave him the nitrous oxide, he went into complete panic mode. So, we booked at the hospital.
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5 - Noises and images: Loud sounds and certain visiual images will absolutely freak him out. If the family goes to the movies, my wife and I will have to cover his eyes during any, even remotely scary scenes. (We're talking rated G.) Live music is a problem when loud. Even the PA system at a baseball or hockey game can set him off.
What about motorcycles, fire alarms, or the cheering crowds at the games? MY son has a very difficult time with this. Is your son nervous of fireworks?
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6 - Homework: Handwriting is absolutely terrible, but gets better if he takes his time. Backwords letters, reverse order words and completely illegible words are common. He HATES reading, however, he is incredible with math. Homework is a daily battle, several hours.
Our sons printing/handwriting, appear as if they were done by a very young child. Does your son crack his knuckles? Is he double jointed, or loose jointed? If he is, kids with joint hypermobility will often have a sore hand after writing very little. They'll likely press to hard on the paper when they write. ....might he be dyslexic?
Also, consider the sense of 'touch'..
http://academics.tjhsst.edu/psych/oldPsych/senses/touch/intro.htmlQuote:
7 - Masked Symptoms: He is very tough to handle at home, but is suddenly ok everywhere else. People are shocked at our descriptions of what we go through until an outburst. Then they suddenly "see" what we are describing. This includes teachers. Weird.
8 - Profound Philosophical Statements: He has made countless, oddly profound, philosophical observations even as a 3-4 year old. He can also come up with very odd descriptions of certain things or concepts, while using language beyond his years. He is very smart. I think he is brilliant, and I am not saying this because he is my kid. We once tested him when he was very young because he showed symptoms of speech issues, but when he went through several various tests, he was off the charts higher than the average kid in terms of intelligence.
Our son too has come out with many bizarre and beyond his years things. He tests average for intelligence, with deficits in language and maths.
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9 - Depression: He has stated that he wishes that he was dead or that he did not exist. My wife and I are disturbed by such statements and we are not sure how to appropriately go forward here.
This has got to be really hard. We too can see the differences wearing down our son. And it's awful when he feels it even at homes sometimes. I try to remind myself that alot of his frustration comes from being misunderstood. We've always known he had some sensory issues, but we certainly didn't realize the depths to which that could make a kid feel different than everyone else. Especially if he feels like he's frustrating others, or letting them down. All he knows is that he works the way he works, and it is truly our responsibility as parents to tap into it. Trust me, I know that's easier said than done a LOT of times. It sounds to me like your son would benefit from occupational therapy to teach him how to deal with the things that stress him.
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10 - Loving: He is the most loving of my 3 kids and is exceptional with animals. We jokingly call him the "dog whisperer".
Of course he is, I bet he's a very sensitive little boy.
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Anyway, there's more but I just can't think of more at the moment. Please treat this post with the utmost seriousness. My wife is very close to embracing my son's constant daily demand to homeschool him. I am not convinced that this would be the best route in the long term. There will come a day that my son will have to deal with life, on his own. Please help!
So, as you can tell, I certainly believe he's got sensory issues that need to be addressed. I'm not sure what to recommend as it's all been trial and error (with a lot more error it seems) for us. I would assume it would be best to have him evaluated by a neurologist.
I'm in Canada, but I was told by a psychiatrist at a centre last week, that if our child's sensory issues had have been diagnosed early on, the school board would have owed him occupational therapy for his senses. He is still elligible to recieve it now, it just would have been niceif it started at 4, 5 or 6, rather than 12. Get him diagnosed, educate yourself inside out, and make sure the school gives him EVERYTHING he deserves! Consider homeschooling as a last ditch effort. It's good for him to be around kids, and when he gets a better handle on dealing with things, hopefully you'll see the improvements.... if not, maybe then consider homeschooling. Best wishes
Sue
Kinesthesia
Last edited by sbwilson on 09 Oct 2009, 10:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.
06 Oct 2009, 10:08 pm
5) Finally, be patient, be gentle, and try to get to know your son as a person, rather than as a child.
