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Resenting decisions parents made in the past

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momsparky
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27 Jun 2012, 6:15 pm

thewhitrbbit wrote:
Aspiewifeandmom; be glad your son got into it now when he's 13 and it's still a teachable moment.

My room mate in college is a caution to everyone who believes in helicopter/over protective parenting.

He was an honor role straight edge student in high school, because his parents kept him on a tight lease.

He got to college, and within 2 months was smoking pot every day and ended up failing out of college.


OTOH, my parents wouldn't let me walk into the yard on my own, I had to run away from home in my twenties, and I am one of the only adults I know who has NEVER smoked pot, I don't drink, I never got into dangerous sexual situations...so I think your logic is a bit flawed.

We do need to teach our kids to be self-sufficient, but every kid is different. Some kids need more involvement, some less - and at the end of the day, they grow up into adults and make their own choices.



thewhitrbbit
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27 Jun 2012, 6:45 pm

momsparky wrote:
OTOH, my parents wouldn't let me walk into the yard on my own, I had to run away from home in my twenties, and I am one of the only adults I know who has NEVER smoked pot, I don't drink, I never got into dangerous sexual situations...so I think your logic is a bit flawed.

We do need to teach our kids to be self-sufficient, but every kid is different. Some kids need more involvement, some less - and at the end of the day, they grow up into adults and make their own choices.


No offense; but I work around college students all the time. A huge percent of the ones who come from helicopter/control parents (and now the new black hawk parents) are clueless, get in trouble, do badly in school, etc. Even if they don't get in trouble per say, you can tell they are lacking in self sufficiency and can be naive about the world.

My parents gave me a lot of slack as a kid. I did a lot for myself, and I thank them for it. When I see these products of helicopter parenting; I grimmest.



momsparky
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27 Jun 2012, 7:11 pm

I don't know if you realize, but you're bundling an awful lot of assumptions together in that one statement.

I'd be the first to say my parents should have prepared me better for the world, and the extent of control they exercised was unreasonable - but I know that situation, because I was in it. I'm not so prepared to judge in situations where I have minimal information.

I will also say this: the helicopter/lawnmower/snowplow/tiger mom meme is really, really damaging to those of us who are parenting a special needs child. I have very good reasons to parent the way that I do (which, admittedly, is extremely different than the way I was parented, but is still perceived as the above) and there are also plenty of reasons why my son might not succeed in college which may not be a reflection of my parenting style (I think he will do fine, but I don't have a crystal ball.)