Socialization and escapism

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It's so great that I've found a framework to model the visual cortex of the autistic brain. All too many things are falling into place. I mean, "conceptons" surely allow me to understand myself, but more importantly, "vortons" explain so many things in the provideo group, including in the classic-autism group.

Now I am coming to understand, too, why most children on the spectrum develop escapism.

See, once upon a time, my son did have escapism. As people may know, I raised my son through making animation video clips, in his early days. He always enjoyed watching the video clips I made for him, and I taught him so many skills via video clips. But, one day, he refused to watch my new video clips. He had escapism. That was odd, I told myself. I scratched my head at what was going on.

You know what I did? I said, enough, I needed to spend time with him. So on one Saturday, I took him out to playground. Then I took him to the local shopping plaza, and visited all the elevators there. That Saturday, I did nothing but going out and have fun with my son. I took pictures from the shopping plaza, and then that night, I made it into a video with my drawings. The next day, I showed the video to him, and guess what? As soon as he recognized the shopping plaza, his eyes glued to the TV screen again. And I gained my son back. His escapism was gone.

The other day I remembered about a few children of some local families we hang around with. In two cases the children clearly had escapism, when I interacted with them. Now that I understand the mechanism of vortons, I also start to understand why those children had escapism. The mothers of those children were very much into play dates and socializing with other children. I mean, what better things to do develop the social skills of autistic children, right? Shouldn't we provide opportunities for them to socialize and make friends?

See, something as innocent as that. When you view autism as a defect, of course you want to fix it. So, if children are not socializing, then your instinct is to teach them to socialize, to make friends. That's what any loving parent would do, right?

But, have we paused to think that this might actually harm the children?

I mean, whose idea is it that, what you are doing is what autistic children want and need?

Now imagine you are the autistic child. You are thrown into an environment that you didn't ask for. All the multitude of other people, the motion of other kids, all the sound signals, are all nose to you. Not only that, it's been multiplied due to the presence of so many other people. And your parents and/or ABA therapists are pushing you to say hi and play with other kids or adults, which, again, you did not ask for. They are forcing you to do things that are totally meaningless to you. Adults are dumping noise to you. To the adults, they think they are saying: "Johny, say hi to Mark!" But to you, what you hear is "Blah blah blah, blah blah blah." And then your parents or ABA therapist shove you from behind. Well, to them, they think they are just giving you a pat on your shoulder. But to you, it feels like a push.

And you don't like it. However, surprisingly, the adults would repeat this ritual all over again the next day. And the day after. My question is: how would you feel?

Inside your brain, you then assemble a vorton: a repulsive vorton. You develop negativity towards the adults, and towards any new environment. Next time you see a stranger, you recall the vorton, and tell yourself: "Uh oh. Oh no! It's all coming back again." Remember, vortons rotate inside a superfluid: they don't stop... they don't slow down. There is no viscosity. You bad memory stays there forever. There you go: you have just developed escapism.

What autistic children want, and need, is a one-on-one interaction, and going out for fun, doing things that they like.

Yet, parents instead assemble all those awful sensory environments, in their desire to make their children social.

Then their children develop escapism. Remember, escapism are made from vortons. And vortons don't go away. So, parents think that they are helping their children, but have actually caused permanent harm to their children. Because, once you have escapism, you are shutting the door to acquiring skills. Good job, parents! You've just destroyed the life of your children.

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I have always been able to remove resentments from my children, even in the early days when they were non-verbal. I have always been very careful to remove their resentments ASAP. How did I do it? I did picture-aided communication, particularly at bedtime. I "talked" to my children by drawing picture, about each day's events. So, for instance, if I had to hurry my children up because we needed to go out for an appointment, they might cry or throw a tantrum. But, at night, I would always explain to them why we needed to hurry up. I did all that via drawing pictures. See, my children were non-verbal. But, they did understand that I was giving them an explanation, that I was addressing their concerns. And miraculously, each and every time, their bad feelings would disappear, forever.

Yep, when you connect their good times (bedtime story telling and picture drawing) to their bad times (resentment, tantrum moments), you are building space-time wormhole tunnel between an attractive vorton and an repulsive vorton. That was how you could manage to get rid of the repulsive vortons. My children loved my drawings. Very often, when I scolded at them, they would cry. But as soon I picked up the drawing board and started to explain to them why I was mad and what they have done to make me mad, guess what? They would stick their heads closer to my drawing board, and watch what I was drawing. Even though they had tears in their eyes, they were still curious as to what I was about to draw. They always had a warm feeling towards my drawings. It was the way how they grew up. It was the way they felt close to me, because my drawings and stories were always funny. They have developed a strong and positive feeling towards my drawings. It was the way how we communicated.

See, I could get rid of repulsive vortons from the minds of my children, even when they were non-verbal. But what about other parents?

Good luck. Those other parents won't lift a finger to draw pictures for their children. That's what I mean by saying, unless you place a piece of duct tape on the mouths of those parents, they really won't know what to do. Parents like to talk, but they don't know they need to use their hands to communicate.

- - -

The result is I end up with two happy and smart children, while most parents end up with low-functioning children. I have a happy family, whereas other parents often end up with broken families. So much for wanting their children to socialize.

It can't be a more innocent act of love. Parents would say: what harm could it cause by asking children to socialize, to have play dates?

Well, now you know.

Do other parents really not draw? My parents made drawings for verbal, NT children. We have a family game of drawing funny little monsters. Drawing together is fun, just like singing or dancing together.

I think the reason for forcing social realtionships and not using hands to communicate is the same: fear of being "abnormal". Many parents are not bold enough to be proud of uniqueness of their children and themselves.

I really can draw only minimally. I have about the skill of a 2nd or 3rd grader.

.. The very first memory I had asking one of my parents to draw for me was an outright rejection. If I can recall, my dad might as well said he can't. I whined and cried about it, and got ignored and still said no.
The memory of this 4 year old self is still vivid, after 20 years ago.

Never drew anything with my parents. Ever.

In fact, overall, my parents didn't do well really. Though while they didn't neglected me nor they abused me -- they realized, I cannot simply be handled. So they let me be, because of the possibility that they may break me without knowing.
My mom realized that I don't have any real interest in socializing around high school, as much as she tried to give me opportunities. So she would have to figure what I want.

Lucky enough, I happened to have a serious motivation to become self-sufficient and reliable. I've been self-taught in many things, had saved and risked some with little to no interference.
It's just... I don't have the right conditions (social/emotional/regulation gaps), I don't have the best circumstances nor guides due to said conditions.


I love them, they love me back but... They're clueless. They won't understand. They still don't. They knew and realized that it's more complicated.
And I'm quite grateful that they didn't interfered too much, and things would very likely escalated if they tried.

So I would had to do a lot of inner work and observations myself, growing up with my parents behind the scenes.
Still figuring myself out as time passes.

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