feel so isolated as a parent

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my son has asperger's and adhd. it really does isolate the entire family. i feel like the three (wife, son and myself) spend enormous amount of time sitting at home. I think we do this to avoid the stress of "going out". It just drives me a little crazy because I also work from home. does anyone else feel this way?

Welcome to WP!

I think many of us have felt that way before. It can be very isolating at times.

How old is your son? Are there specific things that happen that make you want to stay out of public?

he's 7 and totally managable at home - dare i say easy. but once we get in public he becomes hyper sensitive to sights and sounds. there's a clear regression from him being so over stimulated. we do everything we can to manage those high anxiety moments that are bound to occurr.

Very much yes. I don't like going out that often, because too much socializing stresses me out, but I can definitely relate to the feeling of avoiding even that amount of going out. We homeschool, so we spend a great deal of time just me and the three boys. The biggest isolating feeling for me lately has been that my husband has been on extreme overtime at work--gone 14 hours a night, and working 5-6 days a week like that for the last 3 months (normal is 4 days a week for him). The one in our family that the isolation bothers the most is my middle child (12) who is ADHD, but not on the spectrum. He almost physically requires interaction with others outside of the house, and a lot more of it than the rest of us do. Sometimes I send him to activities with neighbors or things only he is signed up for that i can drop him off at, or even send him to a relative's house for a week to give him a break from the monotony.

Are the other members of your family pretty content with the amount of going out that is happening?

My son has ADHD and NVLD, which looks a lot like Asperger's in him. What I can say is that he has made remarkable improvements since he was 7 (he is 11 now).

Do you think your son gets overstimulated in the ADHD kind of way, or do you think it is more related to actual sensory issues? Not that kids with ADHD cannot have sensory issues, but there was a distinct difference between my son getting overstimulated because he got too "revved up" and my daughter getting overstimulated because her senses were being bombarded by noxious stimuli.

yes, my wife, son and dog all seem to be content with the amount of home time. my wife works also but she had an office to go to.

You may want to try desensitizing him so he'll be able to cope through what he's unable to now.

I decided to stop working from home. As convenient as that can be, I NEED something that forces me out into the world everyday.

Once I'm out and about, it feeds on itself and my desire to do things outside the home expands.

When I stay home, that feeds on itself and its like I get crazy-glued to the house.

The best thing is to know yourself and your patterns, and then make lifestyle choices that put you in the most nourishing environments for who you uniquely are.

For me, that means no more working for myself in my own little corner.

We are all homebodies, anyway, and the reality of how things are exacerbates it. We make an effort to get out and do things that are of a special interest nature, but from a social perspective we are pretty isolated. It is not ideal, and we are trying to figure out options, at least for our son, but that is just how it is, for us right now.

I used to tell my parents to go out without me, so I could enjoy peace and quiet at home by myself.

I have 2 suggestions 1) try to find some occasional outings to places that are quiet and calm, I'm thinking art museum, library, etc. 2) get involved in things on your own. It is not bad for you to get out and do something for yourself. Take a class, join a club, volunteer... My DH is on the spectrum as is my younger child. I crave more social interaction than DH does and my older son likes to go to events that would be too overwhelming for youngest. So, we do different stuff sometimes. We still schedule stuff together or just hang out at home sometimes but its OK if we each get to do what fills our own buckets.

I also wanted to say that it may take a few trips to the same place before your son is comfortable enough to enjoy it. For DS his anxiety is so high that even when we visit a place that should be appealing to him, the first few times it is overwhelming. Once he gets used to a place it is easier to go and he enjoys it more. Sometimes it is not the destination that he is reacting to, it is the novelty because he is so unsure of himself in new environments.

I actually found a Meetup group (Meetup.com) for parents of kids on the spectrum; we go out for coffee while DS is in school. I am really grateful for the chance to socialize with people who understand about things like how isolating it can be, etc.

If there isn't one in your area, you can always sign up and start one - or check with your child's caregivers and see if there are parent support groups available through the school or local hospitals. (I'm not talking about parent therapy groups - just informal groups that get together to hang out.)