Having problems coping

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Check your county to see if he can be put in an autistic support pre-school. Let his twin go on and excel but inspire him to love his brother, to support and protect him. These types of autistic support classrooms allow a lot of parental involvement. After some interaction at a comfortable pace for your one child, the other child can be a nice, supportive ladder of development for his sibling. Help them to bond at a young age. It will be important for the family as a whole.
If you get proper intervention early for your child, it will better later on. Don't get depressed and give up. Your duty now is to get help for your son. You have a long road ahead of you, there's no point in lying down and getting run over. Get behind the wheel and do what you can do because you are a good mom. Try your local school district as well. Make a visit if you find a place and stay around to see how it operates. Don't look so much to other parents for support for more than just what teacher to talk to and what class to go to. These parents can be just as mean and competitive as everybody else. Your strongest support is you, your other child, your husband, and family(maybe?) and the staff of the school. Also, this website is pretty good too. As your child grows, don't focus so much on the social part of schooling. Focus on the educational part and life skills part. Social isn't that big of a deal as people make it out to be. I've learned at the age of 57 that people in general aren't that nice to others who need more time and more help.
One day at a time, one step at a time. God bless.

weird, looking back at this thread, what's it with all the OLD parents?

you wouldn't think so, but older parents seem almost more insecure in parenting

less energy to fool around already and children become the fragile beings they're not supposed to be, so often

it should be known beforehand, you have a hard time raising kids after a certain age,

but its a must to be with them physically too, instead of overthinking all that much


maybe it's being further away from one's own childhood, idk

It's a shame to read all these stories. It makes my heart bleed.