Freshman son on the the spectrum.. need parenting advice

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Zaxmama
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08 Sep 2017, 6:38 pm

My son is 14 and just started high school. Got a call today. He is suspended for fighting. I was all geared up thinking he was bullied. He comes home and painfully yells me the entire story. He was the bully. His new buddies at the lunch table set him up to fight his friend. They told him if he fought him they (the girls) would kiss him. Y'all I am broken. He doesn't have a mean bone in his body and I know he was manipulated but he also know right from wrong. I don't know what to do
. I feel like a total parenting failure.



DW_a_mom
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08 Sep 2017, 6:53 pm

You can't predict all the tricks people will play on your child, so don't beat yourself up over it. But now that you know, you need to run scenarios and teach him both how to stand up for himself and how not to fall for manipulative behavior. Maybe other members here can help you brainstorm more scenarios to script and practice; I'm afraid I'm drawing a blank right now; but the bigger the data base, the better.

I would also arrange a meeting with his counselor at school so that the school knows he's susceptible to this type of bullying. Yes, he was bullied in this situation, even if the form was that he was talked into bullying someone else.


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DW_a_mom
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08 Sep 2017, 6:57 pm

I did think of one to script and practice: being told such and such girl likes you and all you have to do to date her is X (usually something embarrassing). Or that girl B wants to go out with you - ask her (usually someone who specifically does NOT want to go out with him). And so on.

You are going to have to walk him through what real dating and interaction looks like in today's world, so he will have a better sense when something is off. You will probably need help with that, however, because it looks pretty different than I remember!

I would also try to steer him towards better friends, people he has things in common with and that won't try to play these sorts of games with him. It is unfortunate that some kids will take advantage of our children's naiveté and innocence in this way. These aren't your son's buddies. They used him. But high school is a big world and there will be kids around who can make true friends.


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Zaxmama
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08 Sep 2017, 8:26 pm

Thank for your replies.. I did sit him down and explain that these are not his real friends and that they used him. And we are running scenerios..for future use. I intend to go speak with the vice principal and guidance coy selor as well.. thank you so much. :heart:



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22 Sep 2017, 8:59 am

Zaxmama,

Good luck to you and your son. Hope everything works out better for both of you and that your son will find better friends who don't manipulate him into doing the wrong things.