Constant misunderstandings how to cope?

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My son is constantly having minor meltdowns that easily turn into major meltdowns.
They are over the smallest thing, eg J asked for ice cream straight after dinner, I said no not yet you have just finished dinner you need to wait for you food to hit your stomach. He left the room, came back less than 5minutes later "can I have ice cream" No I said you need to wait a while. "Oh I'm sorry I'm stupid whaa whaa I can't do anything right sob sob sob" I tried to reassure him it was my fault I should have showed him on the clock just how long to wait, "no No No I'm an idiot I'm stupid, why don't I get it?" then he runs off to his room.

Another example, my oldest son wanted to drive up to the local shops last night, but he was having a shower first. I wanted to ask him to pick something up for me. J came into me and also asked for something from the shops, I said sure I will ask his brother to get it for him. J says"C has gone already". I go look out the window to see if he has taken my car, no the car is still there, so I go looking for C and find him putting his shoes on in another room.
This causes J to run off to his room sobbing, I didn't notice at first.
J is beside himself that he has told me the wrong thing and now thinks everyone is mad at him. The reassuring goes on for approx 1 and a half hours.

This goes on and on.

How do you guys handle these constant battles?

Is there any therapy that helps with these constant mis understandings, I don't want J thinking I'm cross with him all the time.

If I even look the slightest bit cross or tired thats it, the dramas are huge.

Well, when this isn't happening, you should sit down with him and explain this stuff in a lesson-style. The issues are separate and call for separate talks. One issue is misunderstandings, a lesson on why the occur and how they should be dealt with. Then there is "finding the answer before getting upset". Then there is "reading the look on someone's face" and when it may helpful, when it isn't so helpful.
Autistics seem to have a serious problem with generalizing from previous "lessons" so sometimes we overcompensate by being paranoid ("everyone hates me" "you're angry at me" "I must have made a mistake"). My son is starting to do this too. He criticizes himself (I'm a klutz) and whomever he's angry with (you're just a useless person).

They also misunderstand social and emotional cues and may overcompensate by being melodramatic. My son waves his hands around like he's making a speech or will say something really strong in response to a mild problem. He does it in the "positive way" too. Like saying he's in love with a teacher or that his heart is stronger or some romantic nonsense (he's 8 ).

kimJ,
Ha ha ha J does the romantic stuff too lol. He has managed to flatter a few women, and now gets extra special treatment from these women. My older son is impressed.

I would doubt there is a tried and true therapy for these issues because most "autism experts" don't believe autistics can be melodramatic. When Pop was in preschool, a very experienced and brilliant teacher (director of the program) doubted he was autistic because "he could act". She wasn't dismissing that he had serious learning and developmental disabilities, but the dramatic disposition really threw her off. One factor is that he models emotional expression from princesses and other girls.

You just described Allaura. LOL! She never seems to understand what I tell her, she twists everything around, she doesn't get tone of voice and inflection either. She will constantly think that I am angry at her when I'm not and THAT makes her melt down big time. It seems anything that is not sunshine and roses that comes out of my or her dad's mouth makes her melt down.

It doesn't help that her dad and I are both on the spectrum and we constantly don't get the voice inflection and tone thing either which leads to a LOT of misunderstandings in our house. At least we have the ability to laugh about it and move on though.

So that's my advice: laugh about it, shrug it off, whatever. Dwelling on it won't make it better. You can change the way you talk to AS kids, but it's VERY hard since our communication styles are deeply rooted and habitual. I try to be as concise as I can be. I try to put time limits and arrangements in what I say- such as, I would have said, "You can have ice cream in 1/2 hour if you are still hungry", not "you can have some later." But then my Allaura is a smart-ass to the extreme, she'd reply with, "It's 5 seconds later, can I have some now?"