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Feminists whats your opinion on men that have been victims

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whats your opinion
mission accomplished 10%  10%  [ 4 ]
men have feelings too 90%  90%  [ 35 ]
Total votes : 39

LKL
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17 Sep 2012, 8:22 pm

AspieRogue wrote:
AspieOtaku wrote:
You know whats interesting and crazy is although I have been in a abusive relationship I have not let the hatred consume me and succomb to be coming a misogynistic hateful being because part of me tells me as well as my logic lets me know that not all women are like this and that I should love women for without them we men would cease to exist. Women are not only our lovers, wives/girlfriends but they are our mothers, our grandmothers, our daughters, aunts, and our sisters and they love us very much in return.Women usually who are not corrupted teach us men to be kind and nurturing as well as loving. I know it sounds crazy but thats what I believe and thats whats keeping me from being consumed inside by hatred due to emotional scars.



When you put women on a pedestal(read IDEALIZE them), you're yourself at the top of the slippery slope that leads to misogyny and butthurt. Because what you are doing is idealizing women and the result is that you'll have unrealistic expectations of them and will feel disillusioned and bitter towards them when you discover that they can't possibly live up to them. If your mom and female relatives return the affection you give them that's great. But you have to understand that most women(as in all women who aren't relatives) are NOT your mother and you should never expect them to treat you the way your mom does.

Don't treat women outside your family as mother figures! You see AspieOtaku, you'll find that people in general, and especially women, will treat you much better if you mange to get their respect rather than their sympathy. Women prefer to date, shag, and marry men who they respect and not men who they feel sorry for. Women are just as selfish as men. They are not always nurturing and empathic. If you appear weak, they will exploit your weaknesses just like men do. But if you're with a woman and she starts getting manipulative and abusive, dump her at once. Sometimes women might give you a hard time at first if they think you're weak and easy to take advantage of; but those women are clearly not going to ever truly respect a guy like you.
I agree with almost all of this: first disagreement is that a woman will always exploit a weakness. Some will, and some will just walk away; a few will take on genuinely nurturing roles, as long as they can be dominant. There's nothing intrinsically wrong with either gender being somewhat dominant or submissive, as long as it's balanced and the person can live happily on their own as well.
Second disagreement: that no woman would 'truly respect' a man like him. I don't think that we know enough about him to make that statement, and I don't think that 'dominant' necessarily means 'disrespectful.' To make an extreme example, I'm dominant wrt. my dog, but I don't disrespect him as a dog (note that I'm using this as an illustration of the words 'dominance' and 'respect,' not as a healthy model for a human relationship. it's too extreme).



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17 Sep 2012, 8:37 pm

Jono wrote:
AspieOtaku wrote:
I have also learned to not be as much of a softy and go by a new motto if she isn't good to me she is not worthy of my hospitality.Love cannot exist without compassion.I also decided not to be as easy to get and act indifferent therefore giving them the idea I do not seem interested giving them a challenge.Members of the opposite gender seem to like a challenge I am not sure why though.If a woman is submissive to me I will reciprocate my submissiveness however I do not take advantage of that like most people do, I know it sounds crazy and foolish.


There's a difference between not being submissive and actually abusing your partner. She doesn't have to be submissive.
I am not expecting her to be submissive nor dominant but on equal grounds if she is sibmissive I will reciprocate.


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AspieRogue

17 Sep 2012, 8:43 pm

LKL wrote:
AspieRogue wrote:
AspieOtaku wrote:
You know whats interesting and crazy is although I have been in a abusive relationship I have not let the hatred consume me and succomb to be coming a misogynistic hateful being because part of me tells me as well as my logic lets me know that not all women are like this and that I should love women for without them we men would cease to exist. Women are not only our lovers, wives/girlfriends but they are our mothers, our grandmothers, our daughters, aunts, and our sisters and they love us very much in return.Women usually who are not corrupted teach us men to be kind and nurturing as well as loving. I know it sounds crazy but thats what I believe and thats whats keeping me from being consumed inside by hatred due to emotional scars.



When you put women on a pedestal(read IDEALIZE them), you're yourself at the top of the slippery slope that leads to misogyny and butthurt. Because what you are doing is idealizing women and the result is that you'll have unrealistic expectations of them and will feel disillusioned and bitter towards them when you discover that they can't possibly live up to them. If your mom and female relatives return the affection you give them that's great. But you have to understand that most women(as in all women who aren't relatives) are NOT your mother and you should never expect them to treat you the way your mom does.

Don't treat women outside your family as mother figures! You see AspieOtaku, you'll find that people in general, and especially women, will treat you much better if you mange to get their respect rather than their sympathy. Women prefer to date, shag, and marry men who they respect and not men who they feel sorry for. Women are just as selfish as men. They are not always nurturing and empathic. If you appear weak, they will exploit your weaknesses just like men do. But if you're with a woman and she starts getting manipulative and abusive, dump her at once. Sometimes women might give you a hard time at first if they think you're weak and easy to take advantage of; but those women are clearly not going to ever truly respect a guy like you.
I agree with almost all of this: first disagreement is that a woman will always exploit a weakness. Some will, and some will just walk away; a few will take on genuinely nurturing roles, as long as they can be dominant. There's nothing intrinsically wrong with either gender being somewhat dominant or submissive, as long as it's balanced and the person can live happily on their own as well.




That's true, LKL. A lot of women are repulsed by signs of weakness and would leave him for a guy they perceive as being "stronger" and more secure/confident/or even dominant.



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17 Sep 2012, 8:57 pm

I have a tendency to take on a nurturing role and be a bit 'dominant'. There's nothing abusive about me (I hope). That said, I'm willing to work through a man's 'issues' but I resent being a replacement mother. It's not healthy for a man to seek such a partner, I think.


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AspieRogue

17 Sep 2012, 9:05 pm

There certainly are dominant women out there who like subservient men. I wasn't implying that ALL women want dominant men(thought it sure seems like more than 50% do but I have no stats to back that up). Nonetheless, even dominant women dislike clingy, whiny, insecure men who need constant reassurance and treat them as a second mom.



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17 Sep 2012, 9:13 pm

I suppose I should shut myself off from the rest of the world until I deem myself worthy of a relationship.I don't trust anyone anymore out of fear of exploitation and shall always remain vigilant no matter how much she says she loves me to never trust that individual.I might sound paranoid but that's how I feel.


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AspieRogue

17 Sep 2012, 9:15 pm

AspieOtaku wrote:
I suppose I should shut myself off from the rest of the world until I deem myself worthy of a relationship.I don't trust anyone anymore out of fear of exploitation and shall always remain vigilant no matter how much she says she loves me to never trust that individual.I might sound paranoid but that's how I feel.



Do you have a therapist? If not, I strongly recommend that you get one(as well as a shrink). These issues are too large and too deep for any of us to resolve ITT. You were given advice, what else can we say?



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17 Sep 2012, 9:59 pm

AspieRogue wrote:
AspieOtaku wrote:
I suppose I should shut myself off from the rest of the world until I deem myself worthy of a relationship.I don't trust anyone anymore out of fear of exploitation and shall always remain vigilant no matter how much she says she loves me to never trust that individual.I might sound paranoid but that's how I feel.



Do you have a therapist? If not, I strongly recommend that you get one(as well as a shrink). These issues are too large and too deep for any of us to resolve ITT. You were given advice, what else can we say?
No I have wised up and realized not to be overly nice because it is a sign of weakness it is a dog eat dog world.When people see you as being friendly they chew you up and spit you out.That is reality.


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ADoyle90815
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18 Sep 2012, 2:11 am

I do consider myself a feminist in that I think men and women should be treated equally, and if a woman freely chooses to stay at home and raise children, she should be able to do so. If a woman wants to work outside the home, she should be able to do that as well, even if she has a higher paying job than her S/O. A major pet peeve of mine is when a man says he's babysitting his biological children, when in fact, he's doing what a father should be able to do.

As for abuse, I'm a survivor of domestic violence, that was mostly emotional, but I do recognize that men can be victims as well. I do think that there needs to be more awareness of male victims of domestic violence, since most shelters are designed for female victims, so it would be much harder for a man to get out of an abusive situation. Also, anger management therapy tends to be geared toward men, even though there are women who would benefit from it. Abuse is wrong, no matter what genitalia the abuser has.



LKL
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18 Sep 2012, 12:15 pm

^exactly.



AspieOtaku
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18 Sep 2012, 12:36 pm

ADoyle90815 wrote:
I do consider myself a feminist in that I think men and women should be treated equally, and if a woman freely chooses to stay at home and raise children, she should be able to do so. If a woman wants to work outside the home, she should be able to do that as well, even if she has a higher paying job than her S/O. A major pet peeve of mine is when a man says he's babysitting his biological children, when in fact, he's doing what a father should be able to do.

As for abuse, I'm a survivor of domestic violence, that was mostly emotional, but I do recognize that men can be victims as well. I do think that there needs to be more awareness of male victims of domestic violence, since most shelters are designed for female victims, so it would be much harder for a man to get out of an abusive situation. Also, anger management therapy tends to be geared toward men, even though there are women who would benefit from it. Abuse is wrong, no matter what genitalia the abuser has.
I also agree with this and I wouldnt mind being the stay at home father and raising the kids, due to a lot of changes in modern society, it is no longer uncommon for roles to be reversed. I am hoping to some day find someone who is on equal terms as I am, not too dominant and not too submissive I have also learned from past experience not to be overly nice or so submissive because that can be a cue to be walked all over.My biggest issue however to this day is trust, I just dont think I can trust anyone anymore, as a result I have become a http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hikikomori . Even though I have issue trusting people I refuse to hate everyone, It is easy to be hateful and cold hearted but that is just an excuse to be a jerk, I refuse to go that route. Everyone deserves love and respect if they are kind hearted and have good intentions but unfortunatly not everyone agrees be it male or female and when it comes to being in an abusive situation its a two way street unfortunately the media only sees one side.


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18 Sep 2012, 1:48 pm

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mzg6h8L0ndQ[/youtube] I sometimes have the tendancy of being like this.


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18 Sep 2012, 3:13 pm

AspieOtaku wrote:
AspieRogue wrote:
AspieOtaku wrote:
I suppose I should shut myself off from the rest of the world until I deem myself worthy of a relationship.I don't trust anyone anymore out of fear of exploitation and shall always remain vigilant no matter how much she says she loves me to never trust that individual.I might sound paranoid but that's how I feel.



Do you have a therapist? If not, I strongly recommend that you get one(as well as a shrink). These issues are too large and too deep for any of us to resolve ITT. You were given advice, what else can we say?
No I have wised up and realized not to be overly nice because it is a sign of weakness it is a dog eat dog world.When people see you as being friendly they chew you up and spit you out.That is reality.


I don't think this is reality people are generally good.


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18 Sep 2012, 3:50 pm

JakobVirgil wrote:

I don't think this is reality people are generally good.


"People are bastard coated bastards with bastard filling" Dr. Cox.



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18 Sep 2012, 4:20 pm

TM wrote:
JakobVirgil wrote:

I don't think this is reality people are generally good.


"People are bastard coated bastards with bastard filling" Dr. Cox.
:lmao: :lmao: :lmao:


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Your Aspie score is 193 of 200
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You are very likely an aspie
No matter where I go I will always be a Gaijin even at home. Like Anime? http://www.anime44.com/anime-list