Gay adoption

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I would say all people are born with an asexual nature. There is absolutely no need for a newborn baby to have a sexuality.

I believe sexuality develops throughout childhood. The child "learns" his or her preferences subconsciously, perhaps in the same way a person learns to talk, or to eat, but over a longer time period. I think some people do not learn their sexuality until late in life, some learn it very early.

However, it does appear that some people have a predisposition to their sexuality, and perhaps this is genetic, so maybe in some people their "learning" of their sexuality is dictated by their genetic make up.

Gay adoption is fine by me, but let us not forget that gay couples are no more likely to be loving and consistent with their children than any given straight couple. So it is up to the authorities to determine the safest environment for the child.

I don't think anyone should have the rights to adopt a child, no matter who they are or what shenanigans they get up to.

Maybe some people choose to live a homosexual life, but I have never met one who claimed that. The gays and lesbians I know came to their identity the same as I did mine: they always felt drawn to the same gender and while some of them tried to suppress it by getting married and becoming parents, all of them--every single one--ended up divorced and coming out of the closet.

Arguing about whether it's born or chosen is silly anyway. Discriminating against people because of their sexual orientation is bigoted. No way around that. A gay or lesbian couple should be equal in consideration to a straight couple when it comes to adopting children. The love they offer is the same.

I think this is a similar issue as the question about whether a person deserves credit for one's chastity if they have no choice about what lifestyle they would want to lead. Is it more important to be free or to ensure all people exhibit a certain kind of behaviour? I honestly don't know, but I've always felt that only acting in freedom gives your action their value.

Much like I don't see how acting upon heterosexual urges leads to happiness (seems to be quite the opposite a lot of the time), I think "setting gay people free", while idealistic and sappy, also misses a part of the big trouble. Namely, that the huge lack of proportion between straight and gay people makes the risk of rejection and all related troubles and consequences (depression, substance abuse, suicide) far more likely, because the person you fall for will most likely not return that feeling. It seems to me an unfortunate reality that gay people have to suffer more than others one way or another, and I don't know why people choose to handwave this truth. What is said to prevent gay people from attaining their happiness seems to me a way to prevent them from suffering.



I'm sorry to hear that your own mother is one of the people who will not tolerate your differences.

It's interesting that your father recognised you as being gay at such an early age (I do not think I had sexual or gender-based interest in the opposite sex until a good decade later in contrast), but you can probably agree that this kind of identification hardly points to the objective fact that sexuality is determined on birth. For example, I wouldn't say that you inherited your father's homosexuality either, even though one could connect the two in your particular life story.

My main objection to the claim that gays are born gay is related to the fact that sexuality isn't so straightforward, nor is it static. People slightly older than you experience this very often.

Also, I'm not sure if you've noticed this during your stay on this site, but it seems like a lot of autistics are assumed gay, regardless of whether they really are. This seems like a thing, too.



In a way, I'm sure that gay people would have the better statistics because they are (mostly) spared by the dreadful situations where they give birth to kids whom they don't want to have, cannot afford to support and don't care about. All three are prerequisites for adopting a child, and adoption is the most common for a gay couple to bring up a child, so it's quite natural that gay parents will be more caring.



Perhaps the fact that they have come out of the closet is the reason why you've met such gay people? Because I've heard all kinds of stories and personal accounts, including ones of gay people moving on from failed (or successful) romance to choosing to stay celibate.

Choosing to live a homosexual life definitely appears to be a choice to me, though you could add such details as it is a natural choice to be made and that being disposed to liking the same sex makes it hard to resist, and so forth. Is it a choice for straight people who have never experienced the same urges? I would say not, as they have never faced the responsibility of making that particular decision.



I absolutely agree that whether it's born or chosen has very little meaning, if any.



I've observed that gay people like talking about how the way they love should be distinguished from the love between a man and a woman. They seem to have some unwritten features in common and appear quite sectarian as a result, I would say.

Keep in mind there's no such thing as a perfect family but some are better than others. Two psychos, a male and female, are not ideal...

but don't orphaned or neglected children deserve the right to a normal home and loving family?

Nobody chooses to live a life of ostracisation, being sneered at or being made a social stigma.

Do we really need to cite that episode of American dad again?

I was adopted and ended up back in care because it went wrong. I am bias. I suppose it can be good for some people and I wish them all the best, but it does scare me to think that a child can be adopted into an unsuitable family.

I do feel particularly sad when I think of those botched international adoptions where the people have no idea what they are getting into and very poor coping skills. They fail to understand once you bring that kid home, no matter where they are from, they are your family and you have to love them unconditionally. It is just like you birthed them yourself but even birth parents have the option of giving their child up for adoption if they choose.

People get into it unarmed with full knowledge.

Mom's intolerance is no-longer a problem, she's been dead for 3 months.

I realise this is certainly not unequivocal proof that sexuality is determined at birth, but like Robdemanc says I believe there is some genetic pre-disposition that makes it more or less likely that said child will turn out gay. Like me, my dad knew from a young age that he had proclivities towards the same-sex more than the opposite, but rather than accept it, he vehemently denied it and knocked-up the school bike at 14. I don't think I inherited his sexuality, but if it is the case that there can be a genetic cause then the shoe certainly fits.

I know it's not all black and white and over the next few years I'm probably going to feel differently to how I do now, I'm in no hurry to act on any of my urges, and unlike my dad, I plan on keeping my penis in my pants.

It's honestly not something I've paid a great deal of attention to, I had noticed it, but hadn't really thought any more of it. I know it's not the case for all youngsters on the spectrum as my younger brother Levi doesn't give off any inkling of effeminism, nor has he been assumed to be homosexual.

Lou

It entirely depends on the circumstances leading to the child entering the adoption system that should determine which families are suitable, however I don't believe that there are many circumstances which would stop a homosexual couple being chosen as a suitable adopted family. If the child had suffered sexual assault at the hands of someone of the same sex then that would be reasonable grounds to look for a heterosexual couple to adopt him/her, but it's still no guarantee that further harm won't come to said child. In the end every child simply needs to be loved, cared for, clothed, housed and fed, and that can come from a homosexual couple just as easily as it can from a heterosexual couple.

Lou

A gay person who ends a romantic relationship (voluntarily or involuntarily) and then remains celibate is not altering his or her sexuality. If I am celibate that doesn't mean I'm not straight anymore. It just means I'm celibate. And while celibacy may be an empowering state for some (I've enjoyed periods in my life since my divorce where I was voluntarily celibate), it is not a state that should be advocated for ten percent of the population as a lifelong situation just because they're afraid of getting hurt in a relationship, or because their sexuality makes straight people uncomfortable.



Again, I don't know any gay men or lesbians who think their love is any different from the love between a man and a woman. If anything, they insist that it is exactly the same and therefore should not be treated any differently.

TheValk-

Well, since my friend came out, he has become involved with another man he had gotten to know a while back. While this is a long distance relationship - my friend living in Spokane, and his significant other living in Seattle - he seems more than happy.

That is not correct. I've seen scientific research that indicated one's sexual orientation is largely determined during a critical phase of foetal development, specifically the foetal brain develops its sexual orientation based on various hormones present. I've forgotten the details now. However, what can happen in a minority of cases is that the sexual orientation of the baby (which is in the brain) may not be the same as the physical (genital) orientation. While there may be other factors that contribute I gather this is one of the main causes of gay sexual orientation.

Regarding gay adoption I have no issues with it. I'm adopted myself. Back in my youth gay adoption would have been politically unthinkable; however society is gradually becoming more accepting and I see no reason why gay couples should be discriminated against on the basis of their sexuality.

A child can be born into an unsuitable family too.