"Among The Asexuals" (Guardian / Observer article)

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Are you asexual?
Yes. 30%  30%  [ 12 ]
No. 33%  33%  [ 13 ]
Maybe. 30%  30%  [ 12 ]
Other. 8%  8%  [ 3 ]
Total votes : 40

Logan5
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26 Feb 2012, 4:37 am

"Among The Asexuals"
"In a society obsessed with sex, it's hard if you have no sexual desire at all. Some are searching for a new form of intimacy."
by Rosie Swash
The Observer, 26 February 2012.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/ ... e-asexuals



jojobean
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26 Feb 2012, 12:56 pm

I am asexual, but whether or not mine was caused is debatable because I have been sexually abused as a child and other points in my life as well, but I dont know what came first the chicken or the egg.
As for therapy, no thanks...I really have no desire for sex...really.
I do like cuddles and hugs and a kiss on the cheek, but that is as far as I would go. I am what's known as bi-romantic asexual, meaning I like romance and am romantically but not sexually attracted to both sexes.
As far as gender goes, alot of the time I feel either male-ish, female-ish or neither depending on my mood.

I had therapists try to cure me, but I really am quite content not having sex. When I tell ppl that I have not had sex in 10 years....their jaw drops to the floor, but to me it feels more natural to be this way than to be sexual.

In fact it was on WP that I learned that I am asexual, before then...I had a hard time understanding why I wanted a partner without the sex.
A dear friend of mine has a long term boyfriend who she was about to leave because he would not have sex with her. He loved her dearly and would do anything for her but have sex. I wonder if he is asexual too. In perverse kinda way I am jealous of her for having a great asexy man and doesnt have the sense to appreciate him.

Jojo


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28 Feb 2012, 3:26 am

JoJobean,

Run with what works for you.

I am unusual for an Autistic Spectrum individual because I am hyper-sexual. It is, I think, as hard, if not harder, to be asexual as it is from my end... but I respect your spirit.



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28 Feb 2012, 6:24 am

I honestly have no idea. I'm only 'attracted' to fantasy women, Real women just aren't perfect enough. :lol:


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hanyo
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28 Feb 2012, 5:51 pm

jojobean wrote:
I had therapists try to cure me, but I really am quite content not having sex. When I tell ppl that I have not had sex in 10 years....their jaw drops to the floor, but to me it feels more natural to be this way than to be sexual.


I haven't had sex in 16 years.



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28 Feb 2012, 7:18 pm

hanyo wrote:
I haven't had sex in 16 years.


Through Choice? Through Lack of desire?



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29 Feb 2012, 2:49 am

Feralucce wrote:

Through Choice? Through Lack of desire?


Both. I don't enjoy penetration and will never do it again. I also am not really interested in sex with a partner.



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29 Feb 2012, 7:22 am

I think that the problem is that Aspie men are so immature growing up that they become asexual because they don't understand people.



jojobean
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29 Feb 2012, 12:05 pm

hanyo wrote:
Feralucce wrote:

Through Choice? Through Lack of desire?


Both. I don't enjoy penetration and will never do it again. I also am not really interested in sex with a partner.


I dont know what you mean by choice, but I have no desire whatsoever to have sex. I can list a number of reasons

1) total lacking of sexual desire, although I find some people attractive, but I dont have any desire to connect private parts with that person.
2) sex complicates things...take a decent relationship, add sex...it gets weird after that.
3) even when I did have sex in the past, I was not impressed.
4) as far as sensory shangri-la....chocolate beats sex hands down, plus chocolate doesnt anoy you for more.

Jojo


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jojobean
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29 Feb 2012, 12:24 pm

Feralucce wrote:
JoJobean,

Run with what works for you.

I am unusual for an Autistic Spectrum individual because I am hyper-sexual. It is, I think, as hard, if not harder, to be asexual as it is from my end... but I respect your spirit.


Thank you,

Not all that unusual, we aspies take our moderation in moderation. :D It is probably just like any other sensory thing...some aspies and auties dont like it, others love it...not much of us follow the middle path.

Its really not hard for me to be asexual...its kinda liberating to realize that I am. I had a weight problem for a while and while I knew I kept the weight on to "put a barrier" between me and would be partners, once I realized that I am asexual, I no longer feel the need to keep up this barrier and can lose weight for my health. It actually gives me an easy way to turn someone down without hurting their feelings. Of course some guys find me a "challenge" and therapists try to "cure" me but other than that it is alot easier than to be sexually involved when I really dont have any interest at all in it.

Jojo


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Feralucce
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29 Feb 2012, 12:56 pm

That is an interesting take on it... I had not thought about it in those terms... I am an odd bird in the sensory department... Light sensitive, but love my sounds loud and embracing... Don't like being touched, except by those special few... and then I want it all...

You have given me something to think about.


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03 Mar 2012, 8:56 pm

This is quite a fascinating topic in terms of mainstream "perception" of psychological well being.

I haven't had sex since my daughter was conceived (7 years ago), ironically I am wondering how many people (autistic or NT) with children lose the urge to maintain a physical relationship with their partner?

My wife's feelings are mutual, we may sleep in the same bed but we behave like good friends/housemates rather than "boyfriend/girlfriend".

People are so shallow that another person's preference for not having sex dictates how they should respond to that person. No wonder I feel like an alien from another planet.



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03 Mar 2012, 9:28 pm

Feralucce wrote:
That is an interesting take on it... I had not thought about it in those terms... I am an odd bird in the sensory department... Light sensitive, but love my sounds loud and embracing... Don't like being touched, except by those special few... and then I want it all...

You have given me something to think about.


Ya in some ways I was hypersexual as a teen in that I liked all that lead up to sex, even craved it, but did not like "the main event" at all. I was often called a tease. Then one day, In my early 20's, I announced to my LTR boyfriend that I wanted to join a nunnery so I dont have to have sex anymore. It was like the pendulum swang the opposite direction. He could not understand that I just didn't want to have sex or be touched and when we first met, we were in the bed at least 3-4 times a week. Of course my shift wrecked havok on the relationship. He started presuring me alot for sex, and I would give in just to shut him up, which only drove me further into disliking sex. After I left him, I have not been sexually active since and quite content about that. It was almost like my libido just quit.

Our sensory issues change, they are not stagnant, kinda like how your tastebuds change. Interestingly enough back when I was more demi-sexual, I liked loud music...the louder the better. Now loud sounds make me scream in pain.
If anything my sensory issues have grown worse as I grown older.

Thanks for saying I gave you something think about...probably the highest aspie compliment there is :D

Jojo


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JesseCat
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04 Mar 2012, 7:36 pm

Asexual here :D

I don't know if it's because I don't understand people, or because I have sensory issues, or just have no sex drive or desire to be close to anyone and am not a believer of romantic love, or to be bluntly honest, those times I did have sex I thought it was the most appalling thing ever and I did not like the way it felt.
I went to a strip joint a few times in my life, and I felt absolutely nothing. My friends brought me a lap dance and all I could think about was taking a shower when I got home to get the sweat off of me, it was just revolting. I had to pretend to enjoy it, though.
Now, I don't give a damn about appearing "normal". I'm an aromatic asexual and I think that exercising and becoming absorbed in my special interests and studies are way more rewarding.
Sex is over rated.
I'd rather stimulate my mind than my genitals. But that's just me.



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04 Mar 2012, 10:34 pm

JesseCat wrote:
Asexual here :D

I don't know if it's because I don't understand people, or because I have sensory issues, or just have no sex drive or desire to be close to anyone and am not a believer of romantic love, or to be bluntly honest, those times I did have sex I thought it was the most appalling thing ever and I did not like the way it felt.
I went to a strip joint a few times in my life, and I felt absolutely nothing. My friends brought me a lap dance and all I could think about was taking a shower when I got home to get the sweat off of me, it was just revolting. I had to pretend to enjoy it, though.
Now, I don't give a damn about appearing "normal". I'm an aromatic asexual and I think that exercising and becoming absorbed in my special interests and studies are way more rewarding.
Sex is over rated.
I'd rather stimulate my mind than my genitals. But that's just me.


sex IS over rated...and a stimulated mind is far better at producing intelligent beings than stimulated genitals. :wink:


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All art is a kind of confession, more or less oblique. All artists, if they are to survive, are forced, at last, to tell the whole story; to vomit the anguish up.
-James Baldwin