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hellhole
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27 Nov 2016, 5:12 pm

This is an odd issue to bring up, but I need to know I'm not alone. I am a 19 year old guy with social anxiety and an insecure-attachment style, and this aversion to sex is another one of my weird issues. When people talk about it and say it's "just sex", I feel totally inferior to them because the idea of "casual sex" was always a bit weird to me. I would say I have a moderate case of this, bad enough to cause me major discomfort, but not necessarily enough to stop me from doing it.

http://www.saywhydoi.com/sexual-aversio ... sexuality/

I've had this most of my life, and I used to think it stemmed exclusively from my social anxiety, but now I think other issues may be to blame. #1 on the list is obvious, I am very shy in general, and you can see how that could make someone sexually inhibited. #4 is interesting, as sex marks the beginning of adulthood in way; you are now a mature adult, and I guess the idea of that is just a bit scary for me, because I still feel like a vulnerable child inside. What really caught my eye was #5 though; I was never really sheltered, but because of the asociality of autism, I never really went out and I didn't have many friends, so I just wasn't as exposed to this as my peers. These are all viable causes.

The strangest thing is this doesn't apply to porn; I can watch gangbangs and all sorts of weird fetishes all day, but the idea of actually getting intimate with a girl in person just feels out of place for me. So long as I know a friend well enough, I can even freely discuss porn preferences. I think once I've lost my V I'll come to understand that there is nothing to be afraid of, and it's natural.

Another thing to mention is that I've always been sort of timorous around girls in general, dunno if it's relevant. But yeah, I just feel intimidated by it.

Am I alone? I'm too nervous to even bring it up to anyone in person, fearing that they will laugh in my face.


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Quiet_Cobra
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21 Dec 2016, 6:14 am

My aversion due to the fact that it seems like sensory overload. It is also very unhygienic and "messy". There is an uncomfortable level of intimacy.



Ganondox
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21 Dec 2016, 7:24 am

I don't see why this is problem. It's not like your friends require you to have sex with them.


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27 Dec 2016, 2:31 am

hellhole wrote:
#4 is interesting, as sex marks the beginning of adulthood in way; you are now a mature adult, and I guess the idea of that is just a bit scary for me, because I still feel like a vulnerable child inside.


i've never even considered that before, but it resonates too much with me.

the only time i had sex was a mediocre affair, and i think that experience tainted all future desire to engage in the act.

it's not that i'm explicitly averse to it, it's just a lack of interest.


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MontyAA2003
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13 Feb 2017, 5:16 pm

Yes, unless they've been tested and they have NO STD'S and I know I won't get them pregnant. I'm not necessarily looking to be a parent.


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hellhole
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18 Feb 2017, 1:24 pm

Just a quick thread update:
Sometimes I really think I was sexually abused as a kid, which would explain why I'm so avoidant of sex. I also read somewhere that sexual abuse was more common in autistic children, mainly due to their gullibility and defenselessness. If I was I wouldn't be able to remember it anyway, at least not without a ton of psyche digging. I did grow up asocial and a bit sheltered as a kid (like most people here?) so that could've contributed to it too. My Gelatophobia (fear of being laughed at) doesn't exactly help with the whole idea either. Desensitization to it through online has helped a bit.

I've gotten a new therapist now (a man), but to tell you the truth I don't feel comfortable bringing this up with him, I mean he's irritating and condescending enough as it is, not exactly the best first impression. I'm 20 now and still being a no-GF virgin isn't really great for my self-worth. Maybe when the time arrives I'll just force myself to do it? I really don't see how I'm going to get over this when I can't bring it up with anyone in person. Whenever anyone brings up their sex life I just feel angry, left out and inferior, and I just want to leave the room. I'm decently attractive so I'm sure I can get some given the chance, but I've sort of cut all ties with the female 'friends' I've had over the years and kept my distance from them because of this. This seems to be a rare issue too :(


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Self-diagnosed mild HFA (pdd-nos).

Other diagnoses: Gelotophobia (extreme); ADD-PI; Body Dysmorphic Disorder; Fearful-Avoidant attachment style.


BTDT
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19 Feb 2017, 11:57 am

Its fictional but a major plot point on the TV series Big Bang Theory is that the neurodiverse couple, Sheldon and Amy, only have sex once a year. Their relationship has been slowly evolving over years. In stark contrast to the other couples on the show.



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07 Mar 2017, 8:12 pm

Here.



Corny
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07 Mar 2017, 9:14 pm

I have a gf and is still a virgin. And I don't want too have sex. Its because I'm scared of it or anything. I just don't to take the chance and become a dad 9 months down the road because my condom broke or forgot to wear it. Because I don't want to be a dad.



XeroFur
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07 Mar 2017, 9:34 pm

This is all just my opinion, but I don't ever plan on having "casual sex" in the future, mostly because it's a waste of time and because there are better things to do than do that. It doesn't ever have an "emotional bond" to it, it's just something to do to get out of the way. Not only that, but it sometimes involves someone they may not even know, how do you know that person doesn't have an "STD" or that you aren't using protection!?

For some reason, I've always had a thing against that in movies and games. it's just another form of "filler" but people never want to admit that it is filler. it usually has no connection to the story and it's just an excuse to make money or pass the time up in the movie...


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07 Mar 2017, 11:11 pm

Yep, that about describes me. I also have an aversion to romance to the point where I plan on staying single for probably the rest of my life and I don't really like love songs and I prefer music that's either about something else or with lyrics that make no sense or are in another language. It just seems so cringey to me that anyone would want to touch another person in that way *shudder* or really at all given that I'm kinda' touch adverse.


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jcCoolidgejr.
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25 Jun 2017, 12:14 am

That's natural and healthy. Waiting till marriage is what your supposed to do and sleeping around will make you that much more unmarrible,prone to depression, and all sorts of bad stuff. The statistics are in your side.



mikeman7918
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25 Jun 2017, 3:39 pm

jcCoolidgejr. wrote:
That's natural and healthy. Waiting till marriage is what your supposed to do and sleeping around will make you that much more unmarrible,prone to depression, and all sorts of bad stuff. The statistics are in your side.

It's not that, if I do get married (which is kind of a big if) I still don't think I could bring myself to do it or weather it would be enjoyable in the slightest.


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nineinchnailsfan93
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17 Jul 2017, 12:44 pm

Dude, im slightly older than you and i know exactly what you mean. My first time didnt happen until around 2015, i was 22 at the time. Four play went really well for me then came the actual sex. When i inserted my genitals in to hers i got really nervous and got impatent due to not knowing what to do, never had sex again after that. And the thing of it is that i was pressuring myself to have sex because i was sick of being a virgin. I did it because i thought it was a rite of passage to becoming a man. I didnt really do it for fun, even though i was excited during four play. You need to stop comparing yourself to others and take some time to let the right person to come to you, other wise you will make the same mistake i made.

And as far as watching porn, trust me im a guy too, we all have a little bit of happy times to our selfs and think or see about other people we find attractive. And honestly, i feel more comfortable watching porn as well, and you know what? Thats ok! :)

Just remember to find someone you feel confortable preforming sexual activities with, and try not to get nervous. And dont try to pretend to be the ultamate master at sex because if something goes wrong, she will understand that your not experienced if you tell her that your a newbie and may give you another chance asuming that the girl isnt garbage. And if you get rejected in anyway, dont be too emotional about it, other wise its going to be harder for you and the girl (or guy) to recipracate.

Just take your time, be yourself, and have some fun! :)