26 Mar 2017, 4:21 am
26 Mar 2017, 5:19 am
26 Mar 2017, 11:27 am
not completely. 
jrjones9933
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26 Mar 2017, 11:48 am
26 Mar 2017, 3:26 pm
Please let me be. I can't take this, I can't 
I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to exist. I want to disapear.
Lillikoi
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Gender: Non-binary
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Location: The Mid-West-East-South.
26 Mar 2017, 7:35 pm
I don’t know if I am a good person or not. I know I try, but maybe I’m not trying hard enough?
Maybe it’s partially your fault, but maybe you’re also right.
It feels like I can’t do anything right.
I try, but maybe it’s not good enough?
27 Mar 2017, 2:31 am
27 Mar 2017, 3:16 am
I think we need more information to have any suggestions on how to fix it..
27 Mar 2017, 3:18 am
Maybe it’s partially your fault, but maybe you’re also right.
It feels like I can’t do anything right.
I try, but maybe it’s not good enough?
You are a good person! If anyone tells you otherwise they are wrong!
Lillikoi
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Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 11,797
Location: The Mid-West-East-South.
27 Mar 2017, 4:41 pm
Why do you do this to me? Why do you try to control me, control me in a way that doesn't work?
i'm trapped here, and I can't do anything about it. I don't want it to be this way. I can't exist this way. I can't exist anymore.
all of the pains are piling up on me, pounding on my head like rocks, crushing me, and there's nothing to lift me up.
Am I supposed to exist this way? Am I supposed to just keep enduring every day, just because this is what you say and because you are always right?
That doesn't seem right to me.
you torture me. I scream in pain every day, and we scream at each other for hours and then you go and scream at him. And all I ever hear is screaming and people hating, and people screaming at me and telling me that I'm not trying hard enough,
but I try harder than any other living person that I've ever known. 
Lillikoi
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27 Mar 2017, 4:44 pm
I don't understand why it's supposed to be that way or even if it is supposed to be that way.
Who do I turn to? (is what I thought :/ )
I melt down, and I can't control it. and I'm locked in a perpetual state of melting down, and you keep pushing the button to make it happen again and again and again,
i'm robbed of all control of my body and my emotions, and when it's all over I'm just a shapeless husk that wants to sit in the corner and feed itself and cry.
And then I do my homework and go to bed, and when I wake up the next morning, the same horrendous cycle repeats itself all over again.
And don't even get me started on doing my homework. 
It happens over and over and over again for days, and it's been happening for such a long time that I don't even remember and that's all I FEEL. 
Lillikoi
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27 Mar 2017, 4:45 pm
Lillikoi
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27 Mar 2017, 4:46 pm
you made me believe it was my fault, and I kept it all on the inside, and I beat myself up, and I cried about it.
And i thought, there must be something seriously wrong with me if I can't figure out how my own life works, and that I must be a pretty big loser to get myself into these bad situations with my parents, or to push someone so hard that they get angry and scream at you.
I did so hard to change myself, to force myself to change into what you wanted me to be, but I couldn't.
I don't know who I am. I can't feel. I have time to feel. I don't have time to be myself.
I don't know what I like. I don't know who I am. I didn't have time to develop talents or an identity. I don't know anything that's happened in the world in the past three years. (... well, mostly. 
)
Lillikoi
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Location: The Mid-West-East-South.
27 Mar 2017, 4:48 pm
Lillikoi
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Joined: 22 Jul 2013
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 11,797
Location: The Mid-West-East-South.
27 Mar 2017, 4:49 pm
Lillikoi
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Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 11,797
Location: The Mid-West-East-South.
27 Mar 2017, 4:51 pm
And I can't keep all of my emotions swollen up on the inside all of the time because it makes me want to cry, and I don't have anywhere to put. it. all.
(That's stupid to do. 
)
And I release it in not good ways, and that just hurts myself and that doesn't do any good either. Makes me cry when I hurt myself because I don't want to hurt myself.
