Page 384 of 388 [ 5816 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 381, 382, 383, 384, 385, 386, 387, 388  Next

jrjones9933
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 May 2011
Age: 48
Gender: Male
Posts: 12,544
Location: The end of the northwest passage

20 Sep 2017, 1:38 pm

Alita wrote:
jrjones9933 wrote:
Alita wrote:
jrjones9933 wrote:
Keeping it simple seems best, Alita. I don't want to impose my inner turmoil on others more than necessary.


Can I ask, are you artistic at all?


Yes, I am.


I thought so. :D What sort of art are you into?


Music, but I occasionally create visual art or act.

The discussion went fine, btw.


_________________
A fish in water doesn't know it's wet


Alita
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 21 Oct 2013
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 407
Location: Surrounded by water

20 Sep 2017, 8:12 pm

Closet Genious wrote:
Alita wrote:
Closet Genious wrote:
Alita wrote:
Closet Genious wrote:
Sometimes.. the best thing we can do is to let go of our dreams...

I would never had thought it would end this way.. but I began to feel like a prisoner to my dream..
I continued to work extremely hard, yet the passion faded...
What's the point in following my dreams, if the magic is gone, if I have to keep working 14 hours a day the rest of my life for very little reward.
It's been one of the biggest inner battles in my life, my dream was so intertwined with my identity.

I'm finally letting go. I feel light as a feather. I feel free.

For 12 years I thought I knew what I wanted. I didn't.

If I'm gonna work 14 hours a day, I want the money to match.

From now on I will only work for money.

Preferably as much money as possible.


Can I ask what you dream was?


Audio engineering.


Wow, that sounds really difficult and involved. No wonder you were working 14-hour days! So what are you looking at doing now?


I will always love music and sound, I just don't think I am crazy enough to accept the risks anymore. Most people in the industry work more hours than any lawyer or doctor, yet earn close to minimum wage. Only the lucky 5-10% get the big paychecks.

I will go back to uni, and get a degree in something that is stable and pays well. Currently undecided between chemical engineering and computer science.

Atleast this way I will able to afford a bunch of nice audio equipment to enjoy in my spare time. :P


Yeah, I've been hearing a lot of negative reports coming out of the music industry of late. I think it's getting harder all round to make money, including for the artists. Power is getting decentralised. I think you're very brave to make that choice. Sometimes we just have to do what needs to be done. Got to put food on the table and everything, after all.


_________________
"There once was a little molecule who dreamed of being part of the crest of a high wave..."
(From the story 'The Little Molecule' - Amazon Kindle, 2013)


AprilR
Raven
Raven

Joined: 8 Apr 2016
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Posts: 106

22 Sep 2017, 4:09 pm

Sometimes i hate my parents for making me seem like a super smart person just because i had good grades at school. Because of this i couldn't understand my limits and expected more of myself than i could do. I hate trying to be someone i can't be, but i have no choice now.



jrjones9933
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 May 2011
Age: 48
Gender: Male
Posts: 12,544
Location: The end of the northwest passage

22 Sep 2017, 8:39 pm

Some posters names also serve as a trigger warning. I should know better.


_________________
A fish in water doesn't know it's wet


Alita
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 21 Oct 2013
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 407
Location: Surrounded by water

24 Sep 2017, 12:24 am

AprilR wrote:
Sometimes i hate my parents for making me seem like a super smart person just because i had good grades at school. Because of this i couldn't understand my limits and expected more of myself than i could do. I hate trying to be someone i can't be, but i have no choice now.


This is an excellent point. I've had the same experience. :)


_________________
"There once was a little molecule who dreamed of being part of the crest of a high wave..."
(From the story 'The Little Molecule' - Amazon Kindle, 2013)


AprilR
Raven
Raven

Joined: 8 Apr 2016
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Posts: 106

24 Sep 2017, 9:13 am

Alita wrote:
AprilR wrote:
Sometimes i hate my parents for making me seem like a super smart person just because i had good grades at school. Because of this i couldn't understand my limits and expected more of myself than i could do. I hate trying to be someone i can't be, but i have no choice now.


This is an excellent point. I've had the same experience. :)


I'm sorry you felt the same pressure. I wish people would actually want their child to be happy, not successful..



jrjones9933
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 May 2011
Age: 48
Gender: Male
Posts: 12,544
Location: The end of the northwest passage

24 Sep 2017, 9:18 am

I heard an NPR article about how parents in east Asia tend to praise their children by telling them, "You worked really hard." In the west, particularly the US, parents praise their kids by telling them, "You're so smart."

Ever since, I've fruitlessly wished that I had heard the first one rather than the second one. I'll be smart whether I actually achieve anything or not. Meanwhile, people who also admire my intellect have put in lots of hard work and gotten far ahead of me. It's a trap.

I hate feeling like I have to succeed at everything, big or small, by virtue of some innate quality. I wish I felt like hard work and struggle would get me results with any reliability at all. The facts don't seem to support that idea, but if I had it as an article of faith, then hope for my eventual success might carry me through more tough times. Having tough times while being somehow innately fit to avoid them just depresses me.

It's not as though being smart has only benefits. People with a high need for cognition tend to score lower on measures of happiness.

To be fair to myself, a lack of understanding of my social perception and need to balance solitude and interaction hindered my development for decades. Learning about autism in the past seven years has made it possible for me to persist longer at things without getting burnout. I want to get as skillful at that as possible, and really test this idea that hard work and persistence will pay off.

Maybe a life skills proof by induction will work. I can prove that hard work pays off in one easy base example. Then I can assume that n amount of hard work will pay off at f(n), and try to prove that n+1 hard work pays off more, such that f(n+1)>f(n).


_________________
A fish in water doesn't know it's wet


AprilR
Raven
Raven

Joined: 8 Apr 2016
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Posts: 106

24 Sep 2017, 2:23 pm

jrjones9933 wrote:
I heard an NPR article about how parents in east Asia tend to praise their children by telling them, "You worked really hard." In the west, particularly the US, parents praise their kids by telling them, "You're so smart."

Ever since, I've fruitlessly wished that I had heard the first one rather than the second one. I'll be smart whether I actually achieve anything or not. Meanwhile, people who also admire my intellect have put in lots of hard work and gotten far ahead of me. It's a trap.

I hate feeling like I have to succeed at everything, big or small, by virtue of some innate quality. I wish I felt like hard work and struggle would get me results with any reliability at all. The facts don't seem to support that idea, but if I had it as an article of faith, then hope for my eventual success might carry me through more tough times. Having tough times while being somehow innately fit to avoid them just depresses me.

It's not as though being smart has only benefits. People with a high need for cognition tend to score lower on measures of happiness.


That's interesting, i live in the middle east but people still seem to value intelligence a lot more than hard work here. I've also read an article about how praising children because of their hard work is better than praising them for their intelligence and it made a lot of sense to me. And i agree that those people score lower on happiness, since they feel like they have to always to be successful at everything, it creates a lot of pressure



jrjones9933
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 May 2011
Age: 48
Gender: Male
Posts: 12,544
Location: The end of the northwest passage

25 Sep 2017, 6:49 am

What does it take for a person to deny that racism exists in the US? Do they only read Breitbart and watch FOX News? Maybe they just have a completely crap understanding of statistics? Or maybe they're just a racist piece of garbage that should get banned back to the shithole they crawled out of?

Sooner or later, I'll find the right question to get them to say what they really think. Then, buh-bye. Until the racialist apologist on the mod staff lets them slime back in again. Nazi scum f**k off, and good night


_________________
A fish in water doesn't know it's wet


kitesandtrainsandcats
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2016
Age: 54
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,029
Location: Missouri

25 Sep 2017, 11:39 am

AARP dude called me just after 8:15 am this morning. When I said, dude, it's not even 8:20 in the morning yet, his response was that he comes to work at 8, what time do I get up.
Ohhh, that bit of arrogance was exactly the wrong thing to say.
I did not respond pleasantly.
I just sent a letter on paper to AARP hq in Washington DC in which I said the following,

Quote:
Hello;
Some dude from your outfit called me this morning between 8:15 and 8:20 a.m.
What????????????
After I said, hey, dude, that's a bit early, his response was something to the effect of, “I come to work at 8, what time do you get up?”
Ohhhh, that little bit of arrogance was the wrong thing to say.
I did not respond pleasantly.
Don't you people ever contact me again by any means for any reason.
Consider my attitude to now be that of an opponent of the AARP and whatever the hell it is that you people do, other than being obnoxious.
Later,


_________________
Some day I'll get it figured out; at least some of it, probably not all of it.


Lillikoi
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Jul 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,714
Location: Under a rock. Emerging occasionally.

26 Sep 2017, 12:33 pm

It's hard to remember my limits, but I forget them a lot... And if I pass any of them, my mind shuts down. :(

And it happens fairly easily...



Lillikoi
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Jul 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,714
Location: Under a rock. Emerging occasionally.

26 Sep 2017, 12:36 pm

Life of me is just juggling a bunch of bombs, and if I do one thing wrong it explodes. :(


Can understand why I couldn't handle "everything else" when I was younger. 8O



jrjones9933
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 May 2011
Age: 48
Gender: Male
Posts: 12,544
Location: The end of the northwest passage

26 Sep 2017, 12:47 pm

Lillikoi wrote:
It's hard to remember my limits, but I forget them a lot... And if I pass any of them, my mind shuts down. :(

And it happens fairly easily...


It's a start! I try to work on it from both ends, by which I mean reducing stress and increasing stress tolerance. I find that I can go into a walking shutdown mode where I pay less attention and internalize my thoughts rather than speaking. I don't try to maintain that state for long, though. I just use it to get to a quiet place where I can relax and let my guard down for a minute to collect myself.

That way, I can learn to operate safely and get out of stressful situations, learn to unwind more quickly, and gradually build up my stress tolerance by exposure. It has worked for me, and I now shut down much less, and melt down in public hardly ever.

The other side, of generally reducing life stress, poses more complex challenges. I keep increasing the complexity of the challenges that I will take on, which tendency would naturally push me back to the edge (margin in economic terms) of my stress tolerance. My overall goal, I guess, is to keep getting happier and better-adjusted while gradually increasing the level of challenges at the same time.

For reference, B&W thinking can interfere with this kind of modulation, since it doesn't go on and off so much as sometimes on and sometimes off in ratios. I hope that makes sense. It's like trying to hit something with artillery. You can calculate a lot based on distance, wind speed, and other factors, but it often comes down to seeing where your first shot hits, and adjusting your aim based on that. Eventually, I may hit on either side of my target, but I keep getting closer with each adjustment. Thinking in strict either/or ways doesn't allow for the kind of delicate adjustments one needs to make that work.


_________________
A fish in water doesn't know it's wet


jrjones9933
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 May 2011
Age: 48
Gender: Male
Posts: 12,544
Location: The end of the northwest passage

26 Sep 2017, 12:52 pm

Three econometricians (economic statisticians) went hunting together. They saw a pumpkin (why not?). The first econometrician fired, and missed by a meter to the left. The second econometrician fired, and missed by a meter to the right. The third econometrician jumped up and shouted, "We got it!"









Okay, so math based humor isn't for everyone. It's a joke about central tendencies, such as means and medians.


_________________
A fish in water doesn't know it's wet


jrjones9933
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 May 2011
Age: 48
Gender: Male
Posts: 12,544
Location: The end of the northwest passage

26 Sep 2017, 3:52 pm

I don't like this feeling. I expect an important piece of mail, which is a necessary and sufficient condition for me to do several tasks, which will result in me having use of my car again. Just in time, too! It's started raining for days on end, already. I hear that will get worse until it becomes more or less uninterrupted in February.

I feel stuck, though, until I get it. It might arrive today, but I've felt stuck for several days, since before they even sent it! I'm also about to have real money problems for the first time in a while. I need to do these tasks, get in my car, and find another job or a supplemental job.


_________________
A fish in water doesn't know it's wet