Here is $50 to talk to me to see if w'ere friends
I'll pay $50 an hour until we've established chemistry. If you'd like I can take you our for dinner or pay for something you'd like to do. I'm so fed up with being lonely that I've lowered myself to this. I'd rather pay someone for their time than to be alone.
Let's keep this arrangement going. I just need someone to hang out with in Boston. I have nobody else to go out with. So you make a few bucks while I don't have to spend being lonely in my apartment. Does that work for you?
Well I don't live anywhere near you so I can't be very helpful, but hopefully it helps to know that a lot of us can relate. I have struggled with making and keeping friends my entire life, I've lost so many. It's not just "we're not friends anymore" it's usually they decide to gang up with a crew of their own friends and play some nasty trick on me, sort of going out in flames kind of thing. I gave up for a while and embraced isolation, almost to the extent of a Schizoid, then realized it's just not doable and the loneliness causes depression.
You can probably get a psychologist for less than 50$ in some places, and though it's easy to think some of them are bad, many of them choose to be a psychologist because they WANT to help people in your position, and they can relate. Some of them even don't have any friends themselves. It's not a natural friendship, but it's a good way to meet people, especially group therapies. Hopefully this is helpful in some way. I haven't been able to participate in a group therapy because I literally have no money but I plan to eventually. I need to find some people.
BitterGeek, have you looked up the Meet Up groups which meet in your area? It is a great way to meet people in a safe way and there is only a very minimal cost to join a group. Consider looking for one that is for people dealing with social anxiety. In my own experience these were the most accepting and inclusive groups to newcomers and very understanding of the hard pain of isolation, as most of the people who join do so for that reason. If there isn't one for social anxiety, then look at ones for people who have general anxiety. Avoid the groups that are just for making friends as these tend to attract extroverts who are unlikely to be as compatible. The people I met in social anxiety groups were not extroverts, they tended to be sensitive people, half of them on the spectrum too, and very welcoming as they have walked the same road.
The Meet-Up I went to when I was coming out of social isolation met up at a very relaxed cafe at lunchtime, chosen because it was not crowded or noisy, very low key. We used to mainly talk with each other for a couple of hours, and it amazed me at first how easy they were to talk to, how welcoming they were without pressuring me in any way. They understood, and after a year of meeting up in that group (fortnightly), I had recovered completely from my social anxiety, had several good friends there, (they are still friends) and one very close friend that developed into a great relationship (he was also on the spectrum) which has endured over the years since.
So perhaps just find out at this stage what groups there are, and later when you or if you feel ready, give it a go. I know how hard it is at first. We "head talk" ourselves to anticipate rejection, and it takes a few outings before the de-sensitisation process kicks in. In all honesty, I never foresaw myself becoming a socially confident person in a group like that, though with their support and acceptance, it happened over time. The key thing is that we were all on the same page, we all knew what that isolation had been like, we were all in it as equals, and this is important.
The problem with paying someone is that you and the other person wouldn't be on an equal footing, and that's a complication best avoided as a basis for a future friendship. It also worries me that an unscrupulous person might be tempted to take advantage of you. You need social connection, (we all do, I did) though to be emotionally nourishing it has to be with a trustworthy person who can truly relate to where you are coming from, not in it to make some money from you.
There will be a group somewhere that you will find you fit with - it may not be the first group you try, but keep looking and you will find it. It's out there already, the people to whom you will not be a stranger, but someone they know and have not yet met. Find that group, however hard it is to take the first step. It gets easier, though I know the first step is hard. We can support you through the early stages if you wish.
Are you looking for a bro or a gal or both depending on the occasion?
Actually I like the idea, I’ve been wanting to do the same for concerts, movies, or museums, or outings (I avoid groups). Female escorts (not something I’d go for not that there’s anything wrong with that) do offer this service. I’d use a social escort (sescort?) service.
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”Clockmakers Lie.” The secret clakker greeting in "The Alchemy Wars" a Trilogy by Ian Tregillis
The whole premise of the friendship would be false.
Yeah, I know but those of us who don’t like groups even if they are GAD/SAD open have little options.
_________________
”Clockmakers Lie.” The secret clakker greeting in "The Alchemy Wars" a Trilogy by Ian Tregillis
There must be hundreds to thousands of aspies in Boston. Could you try placing an ad somewhere asking if any aspies who are interested in "guitar/computer programming/insert your interest here" would like to teach you about the subject? Offer them 10-15 dollars an hour unless they don't mind doing it free. That way you're not just paying someone to be with you because you're lonely but paying someone who will make you feel less lonely and give you something that will have long term usefulness.
At the moment an aspies guy gives me guitar lessons and I enjoy it. Because he is an aspie he doesn't care how I stim or make awkward eye contact and I can learn much more relaxed. I also feel like he is a kind of friend.
At the moment an aspies guy gives me guitar lessons and I enjoy it. Because he is an aspie he doesn't care how I stim or make awkward eye contact and I can learn much more relaxed. I also feel like he is a kind of friend.
I like this... Flat out paying someone to hang out does not seem like it would end in anything good, or make the payer feel better. This I really do like
At the moment an aspies guy gives me guitar lessons and I enjoy it. Because he is an aspie he doesn't care how I stim or make awkward eye contact and I can learn much more relaxed. I also feel like he is a kind of friend.
I like this... Flat out paying someone to hang out does not seem like it would end in anything good, or make the payer feel better. This I really do like
Thank you. I hope what I wrote is helpful!
I'm from Wilson, NC and don't know anyone else on the spectrum. I would love to meet some others with aspergers if there's anyone else out there near me. I understand the $50 offer but I think this wouyld lead to undesired consequences. You may find someone who really takes advantage of you and pretends it's something else in order to get more out of you. Good luck, but be careful.
Have you tried MeetUp...
There's two Aspie MeetUp Groups 3-4 hrs away from Stantonsburg in Charlotte and Asheville.
_________________
”Clockmakers Lie.” The secret clakker greeting in "The Alchemy Wars" a Trilogy by Ian Tregillis
Bitter geek
Rentafriend.com
Already has a method for you to look up friends
Anyways, your idea sounds like it has many flaws. For example, a blurry boundary between work and social interaction
Some people might victimize you
However, even in regular friendships, both parties sometimes have unequal status
Sometimes one party financially pays more expenses than the other party
It's mostly the concept, of paying explicitly for someone who to be your friend
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