I miss being with someone
Absolutely. I don't have many friends (two at the moment) but I have almost always been in a relationship. I know that's been lucky. During the times when I was not in a relationship I felt completely lost and afraid. I feel lonely even now because my relationship is kind of falling apart and I feel like I'm going to be an old lady with cats for the rest of my life, and it frightens me.
I've been told that aspies are extreme in either direction, either wanting to be alone and not caring at all about being with someone, or craving companionship and feeling utterly lost and lonely without it,
There's been a gaping relationship-shaped hole in my life for the last year or so, too, and it's only been getting bigger with the horrible stuff I'm having to deal with at the moment. Just having one person to rely on, talk with, and just be around for me would make coping so much easier. I'm really sorry that I took those things for granted when I had them.
I've found that I've swung from one end of that spectrum to the other over the last few months. I was content to be alone before, but now I find myself going shopping or for walks just to be around people. I still dread social interaction, but the fear of long evenings alone with all my negative thoughts is becoming almost as bad.
I've been in relationships almost consecutively since I was a teenager. But now, I'm single and have been for about half a year. I'm terribly lonely, to the point of sudden and frequent episodes of bitter tears. And it's not like I cry over anyone in particular, I just cry because I am so lonely and because I've finally put my finger on the reason why it has never worked out with my exes, and that reason being that in one or more respects I had to settle and compromise on things that are fundamentally important for me.
However, being in a relationship has always been a good normalizer for me. Even if he's not THE ONE, just having him around is therapeutic, in that it shows me that I can be loved, that it's possible.
And now that i've become so picky and unwilling to settle (I think it's because I feel myself getting too old too fast), I'm afraid that not only have I myself become unlovable dues to my perfectionism, but also that I will end up sad and alone forever. Which, I am sure, will be all the more detrimental to my emotional stability (or at least the smidgeon of emotional stability which I might have left)