I hate aspergers.

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Outside of learning about computers, I really wanted to have other hobbies outside of gaming that I can get into. I wanted to get into art but at the time of me going to college, I just can't make the time for it. When I do have that time to make something art-related. it just looks like this... http://moo5tar.tumblr.com/image/150199164231 . I may be only 21 but I feel like I'm going down a road where I'm going to regret my choices in life. rushing out of high school without a clear plan of getting into a career was a mistake. On top of that, the last time I was in a relationship was 4 years ago in high school. I'm at the edge of having a mental breakdown due to just having to be born with this awful condition known as autism. The fact that it is going to take me LONGER to learn anything in life is just sad.

Asperger's makes me feel ashamed, because I feel like a 60-year-old. I get physically and emotionally exhausted when working, and the thought of working full time sends panic through me. It's not laziness, it's more of an emotional dysfunctional thing. I find most jobs too repetitive, and I am no good at enduring things I don't want to be doing, while others my age can do their full time jobs without feeling panicked inside to the point where they need to phone in sick to "recharge their battery" sometimes. My peers are full of energy and don't crave naps and alone time. But me, I feel old beyond my years. And it makes me feel stupid.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with hating Asperger's. Most people who tell you to "love and accept" the condition probably haven't suffered the worst traits that can come with Asperger's ... some people are super mild in their conditions and don't come across as socially awkward whatsoever.

I know how you feel.
I hate the way I am and I hate society for making me hate myself.

I get where you are coming from for sure I am 36 and female aspie and I experience good and bad in ASD. Yes it does have some excellent good points but it also has many bad points I live alone,I don't have kids which was only partially a choice given im ASD and asexual and I find it hard to make friends and when I do they come with complications like their partners or whatever. I live with anxiety and depression and basically 80% of the time find life tough as I also find getting a job hard too. I do try and see the positives and that can help. I totally get why the suicide rate is 9 times higher for us but instead of that we need to band together to help each other and be kind to those in the AS community to find your people can help. As this very website is called Wrong PLanet we were born on the wrong planet but we can make our own planet.

ASD affects me negatively, and I have the traits that make it a disability:-

-Bad at maths, science and technology
-Special interests aren't about memorizing facts, they're more about people, making me look like some sort of stalker
-Severe anxiety that holds me back from doing things my peers are doing, like maintaining full time jobs
-Social anxiety
-Odd/eccentric personality
-Too normal to be accepted as neurologically challenged, too neurologically challenged to be accepted as normal
-Too self-aware
-Too empathetic
-Have a strange way of thinking (for example, really believing that teddy bears are alive. They are!! !)
-Being jumpy at loud noises, and being misophonic about certain noises like people sneezing. But not having better hearing than others
-Too expressive about feelings
-Too passive/tactful to others
-Find it hard to pay attention to detail, unless I concentrate at it (but not a natural ability)
-Find it hard to focus, even on own interests
-Too affectionate like a Down's Syndrome person
-Flaky and absent-minded
-Get panicky and bored of repetitiveness, but get anxious when plans change at the last minute
-Have to be on Sertraline for the rest of my life to avoid emotional rage outbursts
-Cry a lot, emotionally sensitive, and get really emotional at funerals