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05 Sep 2011, 9:55 pm

haugh



sagan
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05 Sep 2011, 9:58 pm

:(
It gets boring... If you find a solution, please let me know...


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05 Sep 2011, 10:01 pm

sagan wrote:
:(
It gets boring... If you find a solution, please let me know...


I will

It's exhausting



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05 Sep 2011, 10:46 pm

I just don't think life is supposed to be like this. Sadness on one hand and fear on the other. It's not sustainable.



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05 Sep 2011, 10:59 pm

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sagan
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05 Sep 2011, 11:11 pm

Yep. Depression = absolutely no energy. Seems like a vicious cycle.

Do you work out? That really seems to help. Or get a hobby, something so that you are excited to run out the door in the morning.

I know, it sucks to live life with paralyzing fears. You just waste yourself not going for what you really want, being too afraid. :|


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05 Sep 2011, 11:19 pm

Learn how to play an instrument or sing. Music has helped me throughout life and, now more than ever, it has been a lifeline.



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05 Sep 2011, 11:21 pm

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05 Sep 2011, 11:24 pm

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05 Sep 2011, 11:29 pm

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Graelwyn
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05 Sep 2011, 11:54 pm

Quote:
Yes, I do some physical activity anyway. Nothing really... big. Hobbies yeah. Things related to music and writing and the like.

I can't take it. My family doesn't understand that mental illness is real. I can't take it. I just can't take it. They just yell and yell and I can't take it, They make me feel like nothing, they make me feel horrible. They don't understand, they've never been like this, they aren't like me, they don't understand.


I can empathise because my family was like that with me, and can still be like that, and there is this total sense that they cannot understand me at all...hard to believe we are even blood related, and makes you feel so horribly isolated and alone.

I cannot say anything that will make that better. I will most likely end up simply estranging my family, so I don't have to deal with the hurt at all.
Too many people think you should just be able to think yourself out of it, if only it were that easy. It sounds nice, but when you try and put it into practise, it doesn't quite succeed.

All you can do is do your best to ignore the words of others, and focus on building up your self worth on your own terms, by doing the things you are good at and turning to the people who will understand you and listen.


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06 Sep 2011, 12:00 am

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Oh thank you Graelwyn. That means so much I can't even tell you.



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06 Sep 2011, 12:14 am

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Graelwyn
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06 Sep 2011, 12:14 am

purchase wrote:
Graelwyn wrote:
Quote:
Yes, I do some physical activity anyway. Nothing really... big. Hobbies yeah. Things related to music and writing and the like.

I can't take it. My family doesn't understand that mental illness is real. I can't take it. I just can't take it. They just yell and yell and I can't take it, They make me feel like nothing, they make me feel horrible. They don't understand, they've never been like this, they aren't like me, they don't understand.


I can empathise because my family was like that with me, and can still be like that, and there is this total sense that they cannot understand me at all...hard to believe we are even blood related, and makes you feel so horribly isolated and alone.

I cannot say anything that will make that better. I will most likely end up simply estranging my family, so I don't have to deal with the hurt at all.
Too many people think you should just be able to think yourself out of it, if only it were that easy. It sounds nice, but when you try and put it into practise, it doesn't quite succeed.

All you can do is do your best to ignore the words of others, and focus on building up your self worth on your own terms, by doing the things you are good at and turning to the people who will understand you and listen.


Oh thank you Graelwyn. That means so much I can't even tell you. I was just as low as I could get and asked them to bring me food cause I couldn't even get out of bed and then the harassment began, yelling, yelling at me to stop crying, telling me I can help it and I'm pathetic. Oh God. Thank you. I feel like nothing living at home with them to begin with and then when I ask for something cause I really need it this horrible anger that doesn't stop comes from them.


Comfort yourself with the thought that maybe their lack of understanding and sense of helplessness makes them fear and react with anger. Sometimes helplessness can make people angry, I have noticed in the past. I am guessing there is no way you will ever be able to move out and live away from them ?

Just remind yourself that they are somewhat more pathetic than you are, for showing such a lack of understanding and compassion.
Do your best to not react to them, and ignore their words.
And maybe find someone on here you can talk to when things get bad.
Meanwhile just work hard on building yourself up, and taking steps to getting better.
I suffer severe depression as well... not to a point i literally stay in bed, but to a point I sleep all day and don't want to go out anywhere or bother buying food or washing.
I hope you will feel better tomorrow, I really do.


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06 Sep 2011, 12:16 am

Thank you so much.
Goodnight.



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Graelwyn
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06 Sep 2011, 12:19 am

purchase wrote:
The more I think about it this has set the pattern for my whole life. Narcissistic mother who places herself-esteem in my achievements of lack therefore and berates me the way a suicidal person berates themself, with that intensity, when I "shame" her. I'm already feeling as low as I can and then to have her using me as her punching bag is the worst. Nobody in the family really understands but she's the worst, she's made it so that I've come to expect attacks that would be low coming from a catty 13-year-old girl periodically then she apologizes and I just take it cause what else can I do, she's my mom, first of all I depend on her and second you're supposed to love your mom and supposed to accept sincere apologies. But the apologies take up 1% of the time and the rest id attacks.


I can relate to this too, having had most of the issues with my mother since I turned a certain age...we got on well when I was small.
She has long trivialised my feelings, and expected me to be rational, and not show emotions. It has made life very difficult, and I don't know if she is autistic spectrum herself, or what explains it. A lot of my past self harming came down to the things she said, and my inability to express myself without hitting a brick wall, not that I have ever told her that.

I dont envy you living in that situation, it can really drag down your self worth.
In the end, I moved in with a boyfriend and never moved back with my mother.
She could be very manipulative, and can still be thus.
Sadly, you always have that bond and that hope that your mother will still be a mother when you have grown up, and it always disappoints and hurts when that fails to happen.


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