Why do people always assume I'm lying?
I have this problem mostly when I'm talking to men (I'm female). My husband doesn't believe anything I tell him, especially factual things that I've read about. But if he hears the same thing from a person with some kind of credentials, or from a male friend, he comes and tells me all about it as if he's just hearing it for the first time.
I have this problem, mainly with my wife. I too have a problem with eye contact. So it's nice to hear that I'm not the only one that has this problem. When my wife says that I'm lying to her, no matter what I say, I can't convince her other wise. Needless to say, it has created a huge number of fights.
The only person I've ever met who we considered a pathological liar really was a liar. And we thought this because nearly everything coming from his mouth was so fantastic it could only be a lie. Very, very annoying. When 50%% of what comes out is a lie, you're inclined to believe the other 50% is untrue. Ask people why they think you're a liar. There may be a reason for it.
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I've never been able to understand why it seems everyone believes those who don't make full eye contact are liars. I know many pathological liars (including my own brother) and they all have no problem looking you straight in the eye the whole time nor do they act nervous. I had a friend in Grade 6 that lied almost 100% of the time and told me ludicrous tales like how he drank 12 beers as a baby and didn't get drunk. Not once did he show any of the 'classic' signs of lying. People like this lie so much they probably believe their own lies and could likely pass a polygraph.
There is nothing that irritates me more than someone accusing me of lying. I may have lots of faults like a bad temper, lack of patience and poor posture but I WILL NOT lie unless it's an extreme case like harboring refugees in a war to save their lives. When I ask those accusing me to give me evidence of where I'm lying they usually complain about my attitude. How many jobs did I miss out on because someone close to the interviewer let it slip to me that they (the interviewer that is) thought I was a liar even when everything I said can be verified.
It's one thing if I told a lie occasionally but to be called a liar when you are a pathological truth teller REALLY cuts deep.
Could you give a couple examples of some dialog where this has happened? It could be the eye contact but I'm leaning more towards the way you tell it, e.g. saying extremely truthful things when people are expecting lies, white lies, or partial lies.
I am pretty good my eye contact for the most part. When I am sitting down and relaxed and the person I am talking to is to my side, I might be too lazy to make the adjustment to make any eye contact. I like to have my eyes wander because I have heard the complaint from some people that my eyes make me look "too intense". People feel I am staring at them when I make eye contact. So I have been working on it, and trying to relax my eyes.
As for the lying. Yes, eye contact has something to do with it. Remember that body language is meant to support the story you eyes are telling. I am willing to bet it is not just the eye contact. Furthermore, I am willing to bet that since I have been told this, that it holds true for other Aspies as well, "You are very hard person to read."
probably the most accurate commentary on human nature ive seen in my life
I am quite shy and socially awkward and I often don't make eye contact. People sometimes assume I'm lying because of situations like these: Other person: Do you have any friends? Me: Erm... I have err.. 3. In that situation, I wasn't lying, I was thinking of all the people I know and how many of them could actually be considered friends.
I definitely get this. I simply cannot lie. People tend to either trust me implicitly (usually others who are odd like me), or they will not trust me and always think I'm up to something. It might be the eye contact thing. This was a problem in high school.... my teachers always thought I was up to something. I've been accused of lying to miss math tests (As if! I love math!), being on drugs, making up stories... you get the idea.
I think I experience something similar to this. I've been told before that I'm somewhat intimidating in a certain way - people tend to think I'm "pure" or "innocent" and it makes them feel guilty or something...? Like I'm going to disapprove of them if they swear or drink or something. And then people are caught off guard if I swear or drink or the like, or if I say anything bad about anyone. In reality, I don't care at all what people do, as long as they aren't being hurtful. They could be drinking moonshine out of their butthole and I wouldn't care.
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I(ntroverted) iN(tuitive) F(eeling) P(erceiving)
AQ = 35
EQ = 31
SQ = 48
Your Aspie score: 160 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 53 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie
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