My mom wants me to have a perfect guy

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My mom keeps thinking I should go for normal men. She keeps thinking I'm going for men who have problems like disorders. I met two men on myspace. The first one had ADHD and he happened to have other problems too but I don't know what. He wasn't very smart I know that but thigns didn't work out between us so I broke up with him, the next guy I met turned out he has some kind of mental illness but he didn't know exactly what (he told me but wasn't even sure what he has even though he has been diagnosed). Maybe he does know but is too embarrassed to tell me about it. He said he had some kind of schizophrenia and I wasn't freaked out because he seemed nice so far. I don't get freaked out by finding out someone I met has a condition because they seem okay so far.

Mom told me conditons past down to kids and I told her "Amber and Jason don't have it" (my two cousins but their mother has schizophrenia) and she said "We don't know that."

What freaks me out is it'll be like men doing the same thing to me. We're together and they find out I have AS and bam their mothers tell them they need a normal woman or my conditon can pass down to their kids so they insist their sons not be with me. Sure I can not mention it and lie about not having it but they will eventually find out I have problems anyway and would want to find out and they will eventually break up with me anyway because they want a NORMAL woman or they can't handle being with me because of my anxiety and I'm difficult to talk to because things need to be explained to me to help me understand and I have problems reading between the liens and they don't want to go through every detail on what they want me to do or what they want me to know what I'm supposed to figure out on my own and being concrete because I'm a literal person. Now I'm wishing I didn't have AS and maybe it be easier for me to find men and meet them without scaring any away (I hope I haven't done that yet) if I didn't have it. Is this why most of us prefer other aspies in a relationship?

I feel my mother is being prejudice. I feel she wants me to find someone who is perfect (not have any problems like diabetis, ADHD, learnign disability, color blindess, etc no such thing as pefect and normal). I think the next men I will be running into online or in real life will always turn out they have something like diabetis, ADHD, dyslexia, color blindness, SAD, OCD, depression, any type of anxitey disorder, etc and Mom might tell me those are bad things because they can pass down to my kids and I should be careful. For god sake's my Dad has ADHD and Mom married him anyway and my brother is color blind and he has a girlfriend and it'll be like her mother telling her daughter (my brother's gf) "Oh he's color blind, that might passon down to your kids, you need to find normal people, not just people who have problems." God does she want me to find a guy who doesn't have any medical conditions or disabilities? Then I doubt I'd ever find that perfect person if I was that way because no matter who you run into, that person always has soemthing wrong with them but you just don't even know it until one: you know them long enough two: they tell you.
When strangers see me, they don't know I have AS or other problems. Even if they're talking to me. Only way to tell I'm different is if they notice how i'm not looking at them or seeing how my body language (if mine is innaproppiate) or just by what I'm saying about myself like how difficult it is to be with people and for some reason i find social situations hard or telling stories about ymself of how I took things literal like the time my mother told me to "stop that teasing" and I thought she was saying "Stop THAT teasing." so I kept doing another tease until she fianlly told me to get out and she drove off but only a few feet down and then yelled a me to get back in the car and then I found out she wanted me to quit teasing her all along because she finally told me.


I'm even surprised Mom even supports me on finding men because she keeps telling me I will meet someone right for me and when I had anxitey when I had a boyfriend, she blamed it on him because she told me he was causing me to have it because he was being pushy and wanted thigns done in his own time frame, not mine and he wanted things done NOW and if he was right for me I wouldn't be having it. I did stop showing it because I had fear he break up with me because of my anxiety so I kept it in me but I still had it even though i wasn't expressing it.

To me 'normal' means someone who can function in the real world like everyone else. Not someone who doesn't have any problems and doesn't have to take any meds. I see lot of aspies and auties as normal people despite what their condition is.

If 'normal' meant people who don't have any medical conditions or problems, there wouldn't be a lot of normal people in the world then because lot of people have disabilities or have something wrong with them in their bodies like their metablism or diabetis.


My mother even thinks aspergers can't be passed on down to your kids because she said it right to my face one day. If that's what she thinks, then why in the hell are there parents with it who have kids who happen to have it too and why are there kids with it who happen to have a grandparent with it too but were never diagnosed like my Dad's mother was. Both my mom and dad have said she has it. Mm I wonder how I got it? Coincidence?


I think I'm done telling my mother about men I'm meeting. I'll just leave out what they have if they happen to have a disability or some medical condition. But then it be hard for me to lie too about them because what am I going to say when she asks me "What kind of job does he have?" and the guy I met happens to not have one because he doesn't have to because he's on SSI or he doesn't have one so he's out looking for another one. Yeah I lie and then she might eventually find out the truth anyway because we happen to keep seeing each other and one day we decide to step into haveing a relationship. I can't hide the guy from my mom forever.

Maybe I can be sarcastic next time when I meet another guy and we get together and Mom asks about him and I say "Yeah he's perfect just what you wanted. He has no disabilities or medical issues. No diabetis, no color blindess, no metablism problems, no ADD, no learning disability, never needed extra help in school, no arthritis,... (the list goes on) If only I were pefect too." I wonder what she is going to say about that. Maybe that will show her.

My parents feel the same way about any woman I might date in the future. I have dated both NTs and Aspies, not all of the people I dated--casually or serious relationship--were particularly easy to deal with. Some were easy to deal with, but some were high-maintenance.

I prefer someone who is low-maintenance, preferably with similar interests. I am low-maintenance and easy to please. She can be an Aspie, NT, or whatever.

Since I am also a college student, I cannot afford to be with someone who is very high-maintenance.

Tim

Your mom would have loved Scott Peterson pre-him killing his wife Laci.

No do not try to date someone who is not in contact reality, who lies, steals , major
drug abuse problems, etc.

But someone who simply has major social skills impairments typical with ADHD and/or
ASD you can live with. You might be bored out of your mind with a NT.

Their are no ideal matches in this world thats crap you see in a hollywood love story.
In the real world you go with real people. I like this guy Tim_Tex seems like he is not
totalily nuts and has a plan to get a degree and a job so I hope you check this guy out.
He wrote some requirement in one thread that were more a wish list i think he might
be interested in you even if your not a perfect match.

Your mother should be supportive of you, and that includes any future boyfriend(s) no matter how they are. It is you who chooses you want to be with, not anyone else.

(I know it's easier to say this from my end than it is to carry through..)

AS does occur in families as there is some genetic incidence.

What a bunch of crap.

I haven't seen any convincing evidence that there is such a thing as "normal". At least when it comes to human beings. And if there was a normal, that would be running around aimlessly, and yelling a lot when things aren't going their way.

Normal human behavoir seems to be trying to talk the universe into changing. (Mountain! Get the HELL out of my way! I'm warning you! Move NOW!)


You should tell her that if 'only normal people' had kids, you would have never been born. She'll of course give a cop out answer. You can call her out on that, she'll deny it. Then you can point out that what she thinks is a normal person would know they were blind to themselves.

No one is perfect. And if someone WAS? They probably wouldn't be very interesting.


As far as kids go, that's how they used to feel about other races. Now, they're seen as equals. (Well, at least in some parts)

You might want to point out that just because something is looked down upon by society doesn't mean that it's a fundementally negative thing. It's the people that challenge conventions that bring about the discoveries, and more often than not in their life, those people are treated viciously while they're alive.


Mind you, keeping your mouth shut might be the best approach, but that doesn't mean you can't use your imagination


Date anyone you figure has enough to offer, and that you can live with dating. It's probably a free country where you live, so it's your right.


This is not to say that everything your mom says is wrong. She probably just has a flawed perspective. So you should listen, but not neccesarily accept it.

There's no such thing as a perfect person.

My parents gave up on that, a long time ago. Since they realized I was heavily into Goth men, and realized that they actually are much nicer than most people, because they've experienced adversity. At first though, they assumed all Goths were psycho. LoL, like it's so silly now. My sister and I are total opposites.

She likes really mainstream guys like John Mayer, and I like guys who look like girls. Actually the other day, she told me that she decided she respects Marilyn Manson as a person now. I was like , because she used to be all Eek! whenever she saw a picture of him. Oh and then there was the time, when she'd bring her friends over and I'd scare them with my Marilyn Manson posters, that was funny.

I think it's the normal guys you have to look out for. Some of them can be wolves in sheep's clothing. Like I'm saying if someone wanted to take advantage of women, it'd serve them better to blend in then stand out.

P.S.: I nearly typed sheep in wolve's clothing, ha!

What a trap for her to set! You didn't mention dear old dad, though. Next time she comments on your boyfriend, remind that dad used to make spiders out of pipe cleaners, or whatever. I agree with the others, psycho demented killers purposely "act" normal and kind. John Gacy dressed up like a clown to entertain the children of his neighbors. Ted Bundy acted like he was the nicest guy and go around asking girls for help. Certain NewTs give me the creeps because of this, they're too too "normal". It's better you date someone a bit eccentric, I bet Bill Gates wasn't the most "normal" or "perfect" guy when he was dating. The same for musicians, who among famous musicians ever acted like the "perfect" guy?

Nobody's perfect. Love is supposed exist even without perfection. Your mom might be thinking of the practical matters of your relationship. That is reasonable for her, but ultimately, as an adult, the decision is yours. You don't have to base who you have a relationship with on unfounded prejudices. As for myself, I appraise each person I am romantically interested in on an individual basis. Sex would never be the only thing I would consider going into a relationship for because other stuff besides sex would inevitably be involved in the relationship.

Find a sympathetic handsome male, and have him come home with you and pretend to be madly in love with you. Your mum will be sooooo pleased. Then keep dating other guys, but always bring the handsome fake home from time to time to keep mumsy all smiles. Easy!! !!

If you're an adult then quite frankly, it's none of your mum's business.

But yeh, no-one's perfect. Why don't you sit down with her and tell her what you told us in the original post, nice and calmly over a cuppa or something?

Tell her you want a perfect Mother.

Ignore that.

See, my parents are very odd. My dad wants me to find a girl who he thinks looks perfect, regardless of morals, and my mom wants me to find the morally perfect girl. Arrgh! Whenever I do find a girl i like, something about her upsets my parents.

I'm glad that I'm into Buses and not Guys.