Can't stop obsessing over things I don't want to obsess over

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Someone can develop a control freak nature because he has seen his own life spinning out of control many times. It's easy behavior to slip into. It's easy to feel like total compliance with your needs and desires is only reasonable. Then so many people pick up this kind of behavior that it's one freak against another.

The mutual stranglehold, the standoff, comes because they both know that the first one who lets go becomes the other's submissive.

Life does seem very out of control with a lack of understanding of people and how they think and act. I love "control through understanding" and I do that quite a lot.

Hmm, I should've read Scintillate's other post in The Haven category before making my previous post.

I want to let go, and see what happens... wondering if it'll be a bumpy journey...

I think a huge part of it (in my experience) was that she felt so little satisfaction in herself, that the only way to feel ok was to bring me down to her level..

To push me until I snapped so she could say to herself "well at least I can control myself"

Some people don't realise that bringing others down can NEVER make you feel better in the end, the only way to make a positive change is to focus on yourself and do what you've got to do.

It will definately be a bumpy journey, I think the hardest part for us is getting used to them not being around... But I've gone 2 days without her, and I can already feel my drive coming back...

Though I'm worried she'll do something stupid and hurt herself, I've done everything I can...

I guess the point being do what you do best, and if that doesn't help them, pushing yourself beyond your limits is going to help no one! Its just going to hurt and drain!

Like I said, Scintillate, you did the right thing. Pop that thing before it becomes something that will ruin you for life. Learn from it. Don't let bad relationships go on that far and do seek good relationships.

I know this feeling very well. One time, during one of our fights, my friend told me that he thought that he knew the real me: a bad person who was always upset. He faulted me for getting upset when he told me that he just used me and our friendship so that he could get further in the online game that we were playing at the time. So I replied, "I have a dog, and he's normally very friendly towards people. But if you keep spanking him and hurting him, he may end up trying to bite you. Is it the dog's fault that he tries to bite you? Is it my fault for getting upset, if you keep treating me like sh!t?"

I thought for a long time that my friend was intending to pull me down, and I think it's the same as how you think about your ex, that one of the few outlets of his anger was to bring me down so that he had genuine company in his misery. It's kind of sad, I spent practically the entire time during the friendship trying to pull him up from his misery, and he was always pulling me down. He hated it when I was happy. I remember, when I visited him, I was at first extremely happy and excited, and he thought I was annoying. Then he got upset with me and said that he wanted me to go away. It brought me to tears, and although he apologized for it, the incident made him much happier. The rest of my visit, I was borderline miserable, and he was happy and acted as though he did nothing wrong... hmm, something was definitely wrong with that situation, now that I think about it some more.



While I agree with you, sometimes it's really difficult to see and think outside of the box when one is trapped in the situation.



It's been two months since I last heard from my friend, and I'm sleeping better and am more focused with schoolwork, real life acquaintances (which I'm hoping will develop into friendships), and other stuff. Take as much time as you need to fully recover; don't rush it.

I worry too that my friend will become suicidal or do some other desperate act. If he hits rock bottom and really needs help, then I will try to help then. After everything that has happened, he's still my friend and I have no hard feelings for all the things he did.

Taking care of people is one of the things I do best. Trying to help them in the best way I know how. However, I do like to push my limits, because that is one of the only ways I will really know what I am capable of, and it's only during such challenges that I have been able to learn some very valuable life lessons. Yeah, it does hurt and it does drain to push my limits, but I don't do it too often (allowing time to recover in between), and I feel that overall it's worthwhile to do it.