It's 6am. I just fed dawg. Also just took this morning's meds. I'm enraged. It could be because the elevator's still broken (nobody will deliver groceries or pizza or packages) - and! i can't take out dawg. I'm paying somebody to take him out twice a day but he shouldn't be doing those stairs. Oh yeah, and I can't get any library books because who's gonna walk up 4 flights with a ton of books? So I'm rereading a Jungian book about men/women, no wonder I'm upset.
Or maybe because I didn't win a Pulitzer prize, or even get a rejection to the writing I sent out - just silence. Or because my sister isn't speaking to me - I said something offensive, again - it's all my fault, again. I'm fat, my hair's the wrong colour, I have zit. My heart is pounding!
Also I'm hung up in suspense waiting for diagnosis - what am I? All those doctors with so much power over me. Even if I figure out who/what I am, family will say something like "Hope you don't think you're special." I'm the blacksheep. Family won't have any truck with nonsense about me maybe *not* being a blacksheep. Although they would love to find out that my IQ is actually an infirmity.
Also I should get another place to live. I'm pretty sure I know where, but it has to wait till the elevator's fixed. It's not working about a week out of every month. And there's only one. They keep saying they're getting a new part for it. Landlord must be saving a bundle on the electricity bill?
Also I have to try to talk to a social worker.
Okay, so all my good stuff has been yanked because it needs an elevator to function, and a lot of bad stuff has kicked in. My horoscope says everything will be awful till January and not to try anything till then. Normally I would laugh but it actually *said* my mail will not be delivered, which is true.
Last night a did some exercises, I'm increasingly beachball-shaped.
Oh yeah! And my neighbour is trying to rob me! Hey, what a great world!
Geez I'm all hot.
Did I mention money?
03 Nov 2006, 6:52 pm
