I might be talking to a counslor, this December.

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I find myself feeling more anxious with each passing day, as December quickly approaches. I've experienced two major losses, three Decembers apart. The first loss, was the death of a neighbour in the December of 2002. My second loss, was the demise of the Routemaster and the loss of my dream of riding these beauties through the all of metropolitan parts of London, last December, 2005. I'd hate to admit this, but I might need to visit my local Mental Health Centre, throughout this month of December, 2006. I feel so vulnerable. Is there anything that I can do to prevent myself, from having to go to that horrible place, or do I just suck it up, and go in there, until January's here?

Mental health counseling's not so bad. Sounds like maybe you experience Seasonal Affect Disorder. At any rate, just talking to somebody about your feelings can help reduce anxiety, and if that doesn't work there are some great anti-anxiety drugs out available.

Do whatever you think will be best for you. In this particular case, nothing else matters.

Think about good things that happened on other Decembers. There must be something!

I'll think about the pleasant Decembers, like the one that some friends came up from California and spent Christmas at my parent's place when my family was all living there. There's also this other December, in which I've recieved the Beatles Anthology book from my parents. I remember my sister giving me books that were related to the 1960s in some way, or another when I was going through my Teenaged Hippie phase. I also remember the first two christmases that I was secretly obsessed with Routemasters, and how images popped up in my mind, whenever I'd hear an upbeat Christmas song on the radio that was recorded around 1963.

I'm also considering the thought of volunteering at my local soup kitchen, every Thursday through the month of December. I'll be helping people in need, and I'll be helping myself, by getting over my fear of Hippie-type people.

I don't know why I was freaking out, about December. I was fine, after I've finished puting up my tree, late last night. I know that my wind-up Routemaster will be in the Hobby Shoppe, long before I plan to bring it home, on December 9th. Why was I so paranoid? Life is what I make it, and I guess that goes for the month of December. Last December was just a glitch in a lifetime of 75 to 95 Decembers.