meh

Post Reply New Topic

I can be confident though, I find it sad that what makes me unconfident is that I share my emotions in troubles. I mean say I came on here and only said happy things all the time. people would be like he seems so confident. same with women. they say I'm confident but then once I drop my shield and open up they like omg hes lacks confident because he told me how hes sad or lonely or cuddles blankets because he needs to be held. like wtf. share your emotions they say but soon as you do then you get labeled unconfident. o.O so If I just never share my emotions with women they will see me as confident. the reality is in between. or that it changes with different situations. I'd like to just be able to be myself. I'm am emotional I was raised by women to be open and emotional. or as some call a soft guy. I'm very affectionate.

its hard not to when you need women to accept you and date you. which requires caring about what they think.
as for other things I have hobbies. I need to be held and kissed. guns, video games, money collecting. history etc can not hug me. I'm not too unhappy with that part of my life. wish I could afford to shoot more often but meh, just glad I can shoot when I can even if it's just once a year.

think for me is that I'm a different person when around people. socializing makes me happy. having people to talk to about my interests makes me happy. which is probably why people find me confidence. and a lot of the stuff that makes me unconfident comes mostly from my lack of a gf/romantic partner, so if I was dating most of that wouldn't be around. I might even have a gf if I could just get dates

True. Asking girls out in meatspace is something I can't do without much effort and prior ruminating. I think that stems mainly from the aspie curse of not being able to read people. I have trouble telling if a girl is into me so that makes me more reluctant to ask her out.

for me its fear, say one thing wrong and you come off as creepy and what could have turned into a great relationship is no in the trash.

like the girl my sister knows . on paper we could match well. but my sister keeps forgetting to message her to set up another date, now been like 2 months. I can't just message her myself without coming off as creepy.
I want to ask her out but everyone says it'd be creepy to message her. my sister, counselor, people here , yahoo answers etc.

I know they say that. Yet guys without that stuff still get girlfriends. I got dates online when I didn't have a place (and I had a really crappy, low paying job at the time). Those dates didn't go very well but not because I didn't have my own place or a good job. They went badly because I'm bad at dating. I remember this one girl from earlier this one year, she revealed that she also lived at home. She was 24 and doing a bachelor of nursing. She was slightly embarrassed but it didn't surprise me too much that she lived at home, being a student. Here in Australia it's rare for students to live on campus. Campus dorms are mostly for foreign students. Most of the domestic students live with their parents but some will rent out their own places, some of them when they're fairly young. It's pretty much tradition here to study in your home city. That doesn't seem to be the case in America. For some reason you all go away for college, usually in another state. I'm not sure why this is but my hypothesis is it's due to your population being more spread out. Australia has a lower population but most of us live in half a dozen cities. Most of us are near several universities. Perhaps America's more evenly spread population (at least in the Eastern half) necessitates going away for college.

Anyway, this girl like many others I've met had the same kind of self doubts that guys can have. She didn't have a driver's license. At first she didn't think this was a big deal but by the end of the date she was saying she was pathetic for not driving. I think this was because she thought I hated her so this made her think it was her fault so that made her self critical. I've observed it in other girls. There was a 19 year old girl at work who was berating herself just because she failed her driving test. She wasn't too old and she may have passed it on the second try. She seemed to think everyone but her started driving when they were 16. I didn't start until I was 19 either. And there was this one girl I chatted to on a dating site I was really into (mostly because she was Asian) who was really critical. She would berate herself every time she made a typo and this was on a live chat, where such errors are nigh unavoidable. I asked her if she would think less of me if I made a typo. She said that she wouldnt. And yet still she berated herself every time she made a typo. Then she said she had OCD. Maybe that was why she was like that. I asked her out but she said she was too nervous around other people. I think she may've been a recluse. Eventually she deleted her profile. Maybe for the best because I think she wanted to convert me to veganism

Anyway, the point is there are many girls who will be less concerned about your short comings because they're too worried about their own.

You are right. I'll probably never have any of that stuff. That's kind of depressing

It's all my fault. When I was a teenager there were girls who were into me but I didn't notice. When I did notice was when they asked me out and I refused. When I was that age I just couldn't deal with it. If I would've acted like a normal boy I wouldn't be in this mess now. It's all my fault.

I've met loads of 35 year old guys who didn't own a house and drove cheap cars and where in long term relationships, some of them married. What's wrong with renting a house anyway? Nowadays the real estate prices are so inflated you could be forgiven for renting.

I imagine its a location thing. as others say the same yet women in my area prove them wrong time after time.
I'd move but I can't afford it nore know where would be good to move to. if I ever win the lottery I'll be moving to indiana. but thats a scary pip dream. so I'm stuck here where having a "good job" etc really matters to most women.
made another thread in love and dating about this. there aren't any poor women looking for a relationship it super frustrates me. I don't really have a care for menial things like most people.

but she like many here (colleges town) are getting a degree leading to a great paying job. so they look down on me cause they see this great future for them and I won't be good enough for future them. at least that's the best I can make sense of it. I don't message or message back those women. I feel they don't read my proflie, and I'm ugly so really I don't understand why they liked me or messaged me o.O

fyi the ones who like me don't reply to my messages so they must not really like me. wish they'd not waste my time.

people attack me for small grammar errors and spelling errors in live chats :S

atleast you had girls interested in you. I've never had women interested in me. in school I was invisible except once cause some girl with her bf wanted my folded paper things.

nothing if you can afford to rent a house and live in it alone. though some don't mind roommates unless they are related to you then it becomes a problem. only thing I can imagine is they are looking for a guy to move in with but don't want to be up front about it. though thers a few who come right out and say "looking for a place to stay"

and what's frustrating too is saying nothing or showing fear is seen as creepy too.. the word creepy is handed out like candy these days, even if unjustified.

There are poor women who want relationships and don't mind if you're a poor man. I've seen them. I dated one last year. It didn't work out between us. It was partly my fault and partly her fault.No one likes menial jobs. It just that other people are better at tolerating things they don't like better than guys like us. And it's not just menial jobs either. Do you think being a doctor is fun? I bet it isn't. I know they get paid a lot but the job itself would be awful (not to mention the horrors of med school and the terrors of being an intern).[/quote]atleast you had girls interested in you. I've never had women interested in me.[/quote]It's not as good as you think. To have girls interested in me and then screw it up every time because my mind is bound by chains. I can't do stuff that I want to do. I'm not in control of my own volition. It's like the story of King Midas. He could afford any food he wanted but he couldn't eat it. Every time I sabotage myself away from some girl who liked me I have to deal with regret and self-loathing, even years later. At least you're not troubled by memories of all the girls who got away.
Saying nothing is creepy? I think it's even worse than that. When I don't say the right thing or do the right thing, when I get confused and do nothing, the girl thinks I don't like her. Instead of taking it as a sign that I'm confused or nervous she takes it as a sign that I'm intentionally trying to say I dislike her when I don't. I can't make girls understand me.

As for showing fear? In middle school a girl would think a nervous boy was cute. Those days are past for us. The nearly impossible task that has been set before us is to gain experience without showing that we're inexperienced.

if life is so hopeless, why do people insist on others continuing to live?

I often see people here pointing out to others how hopeless their situation is. but yet they would like say don't kill yourself. O.o

I don't see a point in fighting off the unavoidable. today or tomorrow or a week. why does it matter why make us suffer.

I think they say it because people can look at other people's problems more objectively than their own. I know you're suffering and why would I want you to go on suffering? Because you might have to suffer for only a few more months before you can be happy at last. Years from now, you might love your life and be glad you didn't kill yourself.

Take me for example. I still have negative thoughts but I've been gradually recovering, both in mind and in lifestyle. I used to think about suicide all the time. Even though I thought everyone hated me I imagined how they would praise me in my eulogy. I wanted my family to be sorry I was gone. I wanted them to suffer for what they had done.

I had been thinking about it for months but one night I felt particularly low. It was the night before my cousins engagement party. I had sick and demented thoughts: How dare he get married when he's younger than me! How dare he have a better job than me! Why should I have to suffer through his congratulations? I must punish him for being successful! If I kill myself tonight, his engagement party will be canceled. No one will want to celebrate when they are in mourningIt was a cold and still night. There's a high bridge a few miles from my house. That bridge was always in the back of my mind. I decided that tonight was the night. I would drive there and throw myself off. I got in the car and turned the key and the car wouldn't start.

Next week I would be buying a new car but that night, I thought it was too cold to walk for miles. I was too tired to walk for miles. I went to sleep. Was I happy the next day? No. I was miserable. I was always miserable but more so that day because I had to listen to everyone congratulating my loathsome cousin (he's not really loathsome, he's always nice to me but that only made me more mad, think of how Homer reacts when Flanders is nice to him).

You say you don't have hope for a better future. I say no man knows what the future holds. I hated my job. I quit. Then I hated being unemployed. I thought I'd never get a good job. I had no idea that soon I would be getting a job offer for a really cool job.

You say you must wait until you are 35? Fine. Keep waiting. Better to wait until then and have some hope of recovery between now and then then to off yourself now. You may think your chances of living a happy life are one in a million. Well if you kill yourself now your chances of living a happy life are zero. You'd get better odds by taking the one in a million chance than the zero chance. If there's even the wildest chance of your life improving that chance alone is worth living for. For every wild chance you can think of there are a thousand that might happen that you could never conceive of. That's how it happened to me. When my luck changed it came right out of left field in a way I could never predict. This proves that you should live not only for the hopes you can see but for the hopes you can't.

There are many things that are "hopeless" in life. Sometimes, one has to create hope out of hopelessness.

Suicide is a waste of potential. I think you'll get a girl, eventually. You're not exactly an old man.

And just in case there actually IS a God....He doesn't take too kindly to suicide.

To RetroGamer:

Lynbrook is in Nassau County. I grew up near Ray Romano--though I've never met him. He's 4 years older than me.

how?

so why again is it I must keep living? :'(

Don't you have any other sources of happiness besides women?

Besides, suicide is taboo for a reason. People who've attempted suicide in the past have later said they're glad to be alive.

I know you're in pain. Why must you endure such pain? This may surprise you but it's so you can survive, even if living is the thing causing you pain in the first place. Think of Aron Ralston. He endured pain so he could survive. You may say he had an otherwise good life so he had a reason to live. True but maybe you have a reason to live too, in the future. Who knows what the future holds. If you off yourself, you'll never find out.

Happy New Year, Sly--and everybody else!

I'm sure 2015 will be a better year for you, Sly, than 2014.

Yep...as RetroGamer said, there are other things other than woman that could give you happiness.

surviving just to survive seems stupid.

I do and I have them. I have every thing other then a gf that I need for happiness yet all them combined missing that half of my happiness isn't enough. I'm just not the type of person who can achieve happiness through objects and hobbies alone.

playing video games alone in my room only brings happiness as long as I playing. once the game goes off I'm alone with not even anyone to talk to about the game. I hate doing things alone. it sucks all the fun out of doing things. this plus safety is why I don't' go shooting alone. I'm a super super super super super people person. in fact if anything doing stuff like shooting or walks or hikes etc alone just makes me more depressed than if I'd just stayed home.

a gf isn't just someone to cuddle and sex with. its someone to do stuff with. talk about doing stuff with etc. but I'm not good enough and won't ever be.

blah. 2014 was worse then 2013 and it was worse and son on since 2006.

Hey Sly,

I'd miss you if you went away.

I don't know what to say, buddy.

I think you'll get a girl soon. When you least expect it.