Insecurities; controlling parents; father absence in life;

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Ugh... Okay..

My name is .... Okay. Forget it. Just call me by my username.

I started college in 2010.. no prob there.. It is now 2014 coming up on 2015.

I am one class away from receiving an associates degree.

I have had no problems whatsoever educationally for the three first years of college other than being indecisive.

Upon Fall 2013, however I have been facing the worst emotional breaking point of my adult life. It has been the most socially challenging, fear provoking, growth inducing set of experiences of my life.

I have insecurities..... as does everyone else... mine are a bit extreme for my age and background..

My parents used to be separated.. there was a lot of combating on who loved who more..

My mother protected me and was the only one who disciplined me.. My father was never involved nor cared about my interests..

With discipline, I saw my father as a pillar and idol and my mother as a demon.

I have a grandiose ego, shy, insecure persona because of it.

I really wish I could understand my mother's love more and also what unconditional love really means but I don't.

Why do people discipline? It is out of love that we do it. I just never understood that. I cannot grasp it.

I recently took a class at college where the teacher has been too involved with trying to help me because of my disability.

I look to him as a father figure that I have never had. All the issues associated with absent fathers included.

I now believe that because of all his "help".. Well.. I really am flipped out about equal treatment and am having the worst anxiety because of it..

I don't know how to explain to people what is going on but.. I feel scared out of my mind of social situations.. and it has pushed me to either a) hide in my house and from people who know me or b) move to another state

I am so overwhelmed by all these social situations and change.

I wish to reach out to all the people in the world who a) have no father figures in their lives b) controlling parents background of experience c) insecurities and issues at school and to universally empathize that this is one heck of crap to put up with and work past.

That is all.

The definition for love is different from person to person. Unconditional love is usually employed as a lie because it sounds good. Someone might tell you they love you unconditionally yet then put conditions on it thus it is something very rare yet nice if it’s real. Unconditional love is exactly what it implies love that is given without condition nor restraint. Meaning you could hack their arm off and they’d still apply whatever their version of love means to you.

The intent of disciplining is to regulate a child’s behavior within the confines of socially acceptable thus theoretically ensuring their success later in life in this regard it is love for it ensures your child has a productive, happy and successful life. This is the ideal goal behind the act however on the other hand some people simply hurt children because it feels good; those who’d turn children into a literal or metaphorical punching bag for their anger and veil it under the guise of discipline. Discipline is designed to create a healthy, happy and productive personality not inflict meaningless harm or suffering as many parents would prefer it.

It is natural to be overwhelmed. It's a good time to slow down and start taking things one at a time. As for how to tell people what's going on you can avoid telling them or tell them apart of it with a positive addition. I don't know exactly what you wish to share but the idea is to share the most relevant tidbit that would be important to someone and add something positive in as well.