Confusion

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So... People encouraging me apathy. Then encouraging me caring.
When I care, they tell me do not mind it, ignore it. When I don't, they push me to. So yes, what the hell? XD
Then I stopped caring again, they'll go like "You do know it's a huge issue". Then they refuse talking about it. Then back to caring then they all say "It doesn't matter!".

So when I remain in silence, they all pester me to speak up. And when I do, they all tell me to shut up. Then the cycle repeats.

And what is it really? The realism of the world? Then saying that don't let it be. What this reason or being faithful?
The pessimism that one can't change things because it's just this way? They call it quitting and giving up.
Or the optimism where you can overcome and do anything possible? No, they will scream "Get real!"
Maybe surrealism works and see what thoughts would it be? Nah, they'll call you crazy for it.

What would it be really? Be cunning, be controlling. Be aggressive, competitive, and take risk. But that's not me. Or remain your principles and get conned and get judged as being naive or BE a fool?
Then they say be suspicious, then I missed out a lot. And when I take the opportunities, then there's too many scams.
And how much does one measure 'desperate'? For all I know is up to the point where you break a law...

When I ask them a question, they only give me 'pleasant' answers. No, I want real answers with real possible consequences. They did this with the concept of 'love'. They all answered to me it's all pure and good. Then they all go cry on betrayal. Why do they hold back?

If I go early, I'm too early. I don't have anything to do due to being too early. Then afterwards I don't have the energy. And when I'm late, I'm just too late.

When they want to know how I see things, they'll argue with it instead of listening. When I want an answer I get none. When they want an answer, I'll give them.
Then on this, they kept saying I'm too submissive and I must assert myself. And when I did, they just call me aggressive. Be confident they say, then all I did is embarrassed myself and caged myself in expectations.

And what is it really? Sacrificing my comfort for theirs? Or the majority has to hear out and change themselves for just to one or few? What is it really? Funny when they hear one person murder, they'll notice. When there's a lot of them, they won't. So a million's a static?? What?

I fail at this. I fail balancing things. Even my words fails too many times.

Alas, that's the task of the Aspie/Autistic within the wider world: to interpret all those mixed signals!

I certainly had to take a long journey before I could master them!

My advice is to just learn from what people say, listen to what people say, watch people when they talk. Then use your cognitive faculties.

Worked for me...at least somewhat.

There will be someone to judge you for everything you do. You cannot please everyone, and also you can't just stay neutral and do nothing to avoid being judged because someone will still find a reason to judge you for "trying too hard to be different." It's why you must instead be yourself.. learn your own abilities and do whatever suits your lifestyle best. It is a waste of energy to base your lifestyle based on the opinions of others.

Ignoring opinions is easy. But going to the right choice is hard. (And I mean choice, as in mine alone, not some unexpected passerby being unpredictable and ruin it.)
Regardless the people opinions, I'll messed up in a larger margin. But then, I cannot learn alone all the time as information is not the same as knowledge.
Training abilities isn't much of a problem. Just one huge thing I kept missing out.
I'm not able to believe or disbelieve without making myself a fool. When I do listen to others, I'll fail. When I don't, I'll fail too (and it has nothing to do with someone telling me 'I told you so' and pointing whispers).
I don't know, everything just unpredictable to me. And my judgement is indeed a crap I guess. Or maybe most of my timing is a total crap? Crapshoot indeed. Or maybe I'm just impatient.

And what lifestyle I want... I really, really want a simple one. Something that one has nothing to 'keep up'. And that's it. And I'm very sure from my position, it's not suitable or even possible. But I'm not that desperate to ditch everything just to fulfill that yet.