I think I've done truly a horrible thing, & my current thoughts are starting to worry me.
What I did resulted in an incident earlier this month stemming from me that lead to me going into an extremely low mood later that day, & then on the 9th, a suicide attempt.
Since then, however, I've had thoughts that disturb me. In particular, I've had thoughts of getting people to find certain things out for me, (namely, what the outcome of an FBI investigation I reported upon myself for my involvement was, & if one of the people involved is mentally sound, as I occasionally worry he may have killed himself). I also keep having thoughts of selfishness, particularly related to work, that often involve me dying.
I don't really think I deserve anything. I'm not grateful for what I have. I have two friends, but I want more. My home life is stable, but my relation to it is awful. I don't think I respect others- I hand in work late, I don't give to others, etc.
There must be some terrible reason I made this post. No-one in the right mind would put up a post like this, so I must only be doing this for self-serving reasons. To pity myself. To get others attention. This entire paragraph probably has a nasty undercurrent of selfishness to it, so what use am I?
17 Dec 2014, 7:19 pm
