I Don't Maintain Relationships

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Hi,

I've had this thing all my life where if someone goes out of my life for X amount of time, I forget about them. The length of time it takes to forget about them seems to be directly proportional to the amount of care I had for them but it doesn't take long. This includes family. It's not that I don't love them. It's just that I get so caught up in My Special Interests and my own company that I just forget to ring or contact anyone.

I've been separated from my partner for about 2 years now and as a result, I rarely get to see my 20 year old daughter. But now, my ex is complaining about the fact that I never contact our daughter (or anyone else for that matter).

So, I've found myself texting my daughter only because I feel I should. As I said, it's not that I don't love her. I do. It's just that I just don't think about contacting people. In hindsight, I can see I've lost some really good people in the past. It's a pity but I just can't seem to help it.

Even now, I'm in the middle of a huge argument between me and my immediate family. I've been living all alone in my Mum's house now for about the last 6 months and it has been GREAT. I love my own company and never get bored! (thank you Special Interests but I don't ever even think to call - not my daughter. Not even my Mum.

Even as a kid, I was the same. Friends were like pollen in the wind. They would blow into my life and blow right back out again and I'd hardly even notice. I don't think it's that I don't value friendship. I don't know whether I really do or not.

I'm not unhappy because it's actually how I like to be. Alone - but I wish I could remember and force myself to keep communication lines open between me and my daughter. She understands I have Asperger's but I don't know if she's aware of how it effects me apart from the obvious outward signs. Perhaps I should tell her. What do you think?

I think you should talk to her about it just to be safe so a schism doesn't form between you and her.

Could it help you to remember to keep contact with your daughter by keeping a picture of her out somewhere you would regularly notice it?

I'm fairly similar in that I forget to remember people if they don't make themselves remembered through frequently contacting me, but I have found that if I leave subtle reminders for myself(pictures, notes, mementos), they stay closer to my thoughts to keep mind of them. Unfortunately, I think it's rather human to accidentally forget people who aren't on your immediate radar if you are not dependent on them for emotional fulfillment or survival.

Well... a schism... Hmmm. Sometimes I wonder if it hasn't already happened. I text her because I feel I should but she never initiates contact.

Whenever I write her, I always tell her that I love her and she tells me she loves me too but I can't help feeling this is just lip service on her part. I know she's 20 and got her whole life to deal with but you'd think if she really cared about me, she would initiate the convo occasionally.

I also find it very hard to maintain relationships. I find it very difficult to know what is an appropriate level of communication. How often should I contact someone? When should I contact them? Why? Most of the time I just lose touch with people if I don't see them for a while. I really hate communicating using phones, text or social media and this makes it challenging to maintain relationships with anyone other than my family. I would make a serious and disciplined effort to remain in contact with my immediate family as I really have very few other people I can contact.