Rants

Post Reply New Topic

Your life has purpose and meaning, and this isn't something you can effectively share with people who have chosen to condemn themselves to life without it. Embrace all those things that are currently making you happy; poke your head out the window from time to time to see if the coast is clear and try again with new people. Failing that...there is this place

Look after yourself.

Ok, my rant:

I am a firm believer in luck but I believe mine is currently running out so I need to put some effort into my life for the time being. I just wish I had the motivation to do more than just sit here, listening to all the sounds outside, refreshing the browser or making dinner. I'm so capable but I'm not doing anything. Perhaps because there is no one to do anything for. No sense of duty or moral duty. I have only myself to think about, whereas I've always had to consider others. It seems I've become a free person with no way to fully enjoy or appreciate the freedom I've obtained. Nothing is as satisfying as it once was.

Here we go again.
I don't even know anymore if everyone is constantly attacking me and starting arguments, or if it's me just perceiving arguments all around me when no one actually intended to be hostile.

I had no free time at all today because my schedule was completely packed with work and school and I will have the same thing tomorrow. Despite me specifically telling him otherwise my boss scheduled me to work on a couple of school days and he says it's to make up for the time off I scheduled for a family reunion that I don't even want to go to.

At work today I had to use my anxiety medication twice and I had to kinda' ration it since each of the two tablets I brought lasts about 2.5 hours and my shift is about 7 hours, but tomorrow I will bring enough for the whole shift. Everyone was accusing me of being lazy even though to me it felt like I was trying to do my job while the building was on fire.

All of my free time (like now) and any time spent doing homework have to come out of the time I would otherwise spend sleeping. I better go now so that I can get about 6 hours of sleep before doing it all again and having a word with my boss about this schedule.

I woke up at six, and I had this whole plan for today. (Get up, eat breakfast, run laundry while eating breakfast, work on my story...) but I ended up getting distracted and didn't eat lunch till 11:30.

I have an orthodontist appointment at three so I didn't really have time to accomplish what I wanted today.

f*****g cut my wrists.

Recently I had two days in a row where I had literally no free time and I managed to have about 4 hours of anxiety attacks total which is only as low as it is because of medication, but this could have all been avoided if I could have worked tomorrow and the next day. The problem is that my dad had me schedule this time off for a family reunion including having me miss a day of school which I will have to make up in the form of homework later. In total I have an estimated 5 hours of studying and homework to do which could have been 2 hours if I could make it to school on Monday.

All this for a family reunion that I don't even want to go to. My dad assures me that it will be fun and he better be right because what's also fun is not having anxiety attacks and not having almost enough homework to fill a standard school day.

im so f*****g pissed off
im done
ivehad it
enough already

self harm land here ia am

I hate it when I talk to people, and then I hear them whispering to each other, because I feel like they're talking about me behind my back.

My brain feels like it's going to f*****g explode, and in a bad way.