I'm so broken

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I am posting this rant because there is not one person in my life to listen, no one I can talk to. I apologize for the long rant post, but 20 years can not be summed up in a paragraph and even then so much is missed. My son-in-law, 'Z' was my business partner and when my daughter 'V' divorced him, he left me penniless, in debt and with my dream broken. I am now in a major depression, stress is at level nine, I've had one melt down and I am holding back a major melt-down.

When V&Z married we thought he was wonderful and took him into our hearts, home and life. Fifteen years ago I bought a restaurant for us, as I had worked in and had a degree in food-service and he was a talented chef. Everything changed from that moment on. He made all the decisions and would not listen to my advice in crucial areas. In the ensuing year the diner became very popular but financially a struggle. After their children started school, V started waitressing and they became even more difficult to communicate with. He would not raise prices, our COGS was at 42%, would spend money on frivolous things. We had lines at our door and yet loosing money. He told the staff I did not know what I was doing and not to listen to me only him. V has PTSD, he would push her triggers and she would melt down to the point the staff did not want to work with her. He lied all the time, broke promises which everyone was aware of, and he still remained loved by some staff and all the customers.

Then we found out about an affair with a 20 year old staff member who he even managed to have her living at their house for a while. He would take money to buy gift for her. Then we heard about the other women he had slept with previously.

A year and a half ago my daughter had a psychotic break so he sent her to stay with friends. He began telling me she was disappearing, sleeping with all kinds of people and doing drugs. I was frantic with worry. When she returned he kicked her out of the diner and put her in a motel telling her the children did not want her back. She move back to her house when he got an apartment and took the kids. For three months she barley left the house, trying to figure out what happened to her life. He took her sanity, kids, friends, job. The court ordered him to pay all her expenses. So he would take money from the restaurant till and tell me he was not taking the money, V was cause he had to pay her. By the time they divorced he had taken approximately $60,000 leaving the business in extreme debt. To rub salt in this wound, I had to buy him out of the restaurant for $30,000. He then found someone with money to partner with on a food truck and took half my staff with him. Now he has a food truck which became an instant success because of his reputation as a chef. The last six months I have struggled to keep it going but am further in debt than ever and one week away of closing the diner. I am 69 years old and the diner and the money lost was my retirement and my dream. He took it all.

I am sick and broken. How could he do this to people he loved? I was the mom he never had, how could he do this? After a lot of research we believe he has Narcissistic Personality Disorder and for 20 years buying into his talent and charm while all the time being lied to, gaslighted, deflecting questions, smear campaigns. lack of empathy, cold, callous indifference.
Now I hate him more than anyone in my life. Now I find myself obsessing about him, watching, waiting, for someone stronger who can take him down. But all I see is huge success with his truck, and adoration from the community. I want to scream at them all to tell them what he did.

I realize now I had no boundaries, was too trusting, too naive. I find I am obsessed over the destruction he caused, I can't let go, I can't find peace, I am so depressed and it takes so much energy to fake 'I'm ok” when I see people, I just want to sleep. I don't like anyone any more.

I guess it's good to vent sometimes. It seems like "everything is coming at you at once."

I'm wondering if you actually needed to "get this off your chest." Maybe, and hopefully, you don't feel so "broken" after you've released these emotions. It's better, many times, to express and verbalize one's emotions, rather than keep them deep inside yourself.

You cannot let this man ruin your life, if this is your "steady state." You've made sort of a mistake in trusting him---but so have many others. Trusting the wrong person doesn't mean you're a bad person.

Karma is a b***h, I always say. I certainly hope the guy gets what he deserves.

You should try to be there for your daughter. Being angry at the world, if you're actually angry at it all the time, doesn't help her at all.

You might be "broken," but you can fix yourself. You owe it both to yourself and your daughter.

I'm sorry this happened to you

Do yourself a favor tho, let go of your vengeance. It never does anyone any good. It may drive you for a while, but once you enact it, you just feel empty.

Hi Sufi--

(I'm quoting part of your text so that this post will be shown as a reply to you, and so that you'll be notified that you were quoted.)

A_ _holes like Z are regrettably common in this world. He's just the average bastard, nothing special. It sounds like he's a thief. It was your restaurant, and he took over its management, ran it into the ground, then left with half of its staff.

Anyway, just remember that :

1. No one really gets away with what they do to others. What he did is really only his problem. Forget him, because what he did is his problem, not yours. Victimization is always a "Pyrrhic victory". Ultimately, everyone gets what they deserve. So, forget him. He's his problem, not yours.

2. If you and your daughter were too trusting, that isn't a crime. The crime was Z's conduct. You have no reason to feel badly, because the situation wasn't your doing. Your task is to just make the best of a bad situation that someone else has made.

We live in a world that I call "The Land of the Lost", in which crime, abuse, victimization is the rule, not the exception.

You mentioned feeling tired. Yes, with good reason. I hope that it will be possible for your life to be more restful. Obviously, your best is all you can expect of yourself, and if you're doing what seems best, then there's no unsolved problem, and the problem is being dealt with. In fact, by your choice of how to deal with it, it arguably has already been dealt with. It has been said (I'm quoting a Buddhist writer in 17th century China) that a situation is nullified by dealing with it.

You've worked hard, and done more than your share. Now I'd suggest that you aim for the more restful life that you deserve.

And you should meet someone to share your life with. Everything is lightened when shared.

Well there's this community here. And you should and can meet someone. Doesn't this website have a forum purposed for introductions? That seems a best way to meet someone compatible.

Wishing you the very best. Of course whenever things get oppressive or overwhelming, you should tell people here.

Michael829

Thank you folks for your comments. I know healing from a NARC will take time and work. Right now though I just hurt. I want to go away some where, where there are no people.