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YogaKitten
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11 Jan 2017, 5:22 pm

Hey everyone. I'm posting this topic because I really want to find the right guy for me, but I have no idea how to go about doing it. I'm 27 years old and trying to get over my ex-boyfriend. He and I have been trying to figure things out for a while now, but we always find some reason not to get back together (right now it's that he wants to have kids in the future, but I'm not sure about it).

Anyway, I recently developed a crush on someone in a therapy group that I'm in. He's nice, funny, and an aspie like me, and we seemed to get along really well. However, I just found out that he's dating somebody else, so there goes that idea.

Honestly my problem is that I rarely ever meet new guys. I work from home and have already graduated college, so two major ways of meeting guys aren't available to me. So what I'm trying to figure out is how to improve my odds of actually finding someone who's compatible with me. I know a lot of girls meet guys through bars and clubs, but my understanding is that people usually go to those places to find someone to hook up with, not to find a long-term partner.

So how does one meet decent guys who are interested in a serious relationship? I'm completely at a loss here. Thanks in advance for any responses.



nurseangela
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11 Jan 2017, 5:48 pm

Actually the Time Warner guy that came to switch out my modem was pretty cute. If he would have spoke up, I would have went out with him. Too bad. I probably would have even got free cable! :mrgreen:


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nurseangela
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11 Jan 2017, 5:57 pm

nurseangela wrote:
Actually the Time Warner guy that came to switch out my modem was pretty cute. If he would have spoke up, I would have went out with him. Too bad. I probably would have even got free cable! :mrgreen:


Thinking back on it, he was trying to flirt. You ever been around someone who is trying to flirt by telling a joke and the joke isn't funny? That's what happened. Pretty funny now now that I'm thinking about it. His personality was kind of dry, but maybe he was just shy. Anyway, water under the bridge.


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Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 83 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 153 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical
Darn, I flunked.


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12 Jan 2017, 1:28 am

College is not the only type of school in existence;
Some people join various other types of classes or clubs that are related to their interests, such as martial arts, music-lessons, language-schools, animé-clubs (and cos-play conventions), gymnastics, business-seminars, etc.;
You could also offer your own local-classes/lessons of your own, such as offering/advertising to tutor people in subjects or skills that you can teach (depending on your location there are many user's of Craig's List across the American land-masses), establishing a «reputation» within your community to increase your social-exposure, etc.;

For the «longer-term relationship» category, you want to associate with the more family-oriented demographics, perhaps even amongst areas/groups/meetings where it is not uncommon to find close-knit family communities.

Additional ideas are volunteering at volunteer-groups/organisations (like animal-shelters, recycle-centres, etc.), but it would probably be advised by those with more relationship-experience for you not to be in such a rush to enter into another relationship if you were recently having or still have on-going issues with a recent relationship, and I must inform you that I believe it is better to work on yourself and contributing to the improvement of the world as best you can rather than focusing too much on trying to «force» any relationships into your life... such opportunities will present themselves periodically as you determine how to increase your social-exposure to your target-demographic (I used to work all the time and simply did not have time for relationships even into my late-20s since I was constantly working over-time/full-time and only used my extra time to look for more work to the point where it would not be uncommon for me to have 60-hour or even 80-hour work-weeks of double full-time assignments in the same week [yes, that means things like a full-time M-F day shift from say 08h00-16h30 then a grave-yard shift from 20h00-04h30, two different full-time assignments at different jobs in the same week]).

P.S.: People who are dating others does not necessarily automatically rule them out. Many times you can just be patient and later on eventually learn that they break-up or didn't work out or whatever in their temporary relationship (then end up becoming their «new» bf/gf [whether you know how to make it last long-term is another story]). Also, when I used to bother interacting with «real» people in actual in-person, I remember various cases of various girls who would say things to me like «it's ...kind of complicated» for various reasons, such as the fact that they may have been seeing someone else at the time, but I also know for a fact that if I bothered to pursue and «claim» any of these girls that they would have definitely been willing to be my girlfriend (but I was inexperienced and stuff like that at the time to know any better so I mistakenly assumed that I was doomed and destined to always and only be a loner even into and past the age of when I was once 27 myself). I still do most of my work from «home» now myself so I do understand your situation (but fortunately for me I am not bothered by flying my routine[s] in a solo-manner although it is also partly because I am unwilling to live with anybody who is not absolutely always spotless or who is not organised or who does not clean up after their own mess of which I find that the percentage of spotlessly clean people in the world is extremely low so of course I would rarely ever encounter anybody whom I considered compatible).

What is «best» is also in the eye of the beholder (due to being an opinion-word-category). I can tell you which categories/subjects/interests tend to have a much higher demographic-percentage of males but it does not automatically make it the best (more guys than girls will usually be found in activities like a number of sports, harder-core martial arts schools, construction-work, electrician-work, most types of video-games, computer-repair and/or assembly, jail/prison-incarcerations, business-entrepreneurship, and other such projects/disciplines of the generally more male-dominated nature, etc). If you're doing balet, gymnastics, aerobics, yoga, actressing (although most movie-directors are probably male but may not necessarily be relationship-oriented), dancing (depending on type of dance I suppose since break-dancing would be more-likely populated with males than females... probably), secretarial-work, etc., would probably have a higher female-population. I have travelled to and lived upon the lands of many parts of the world so I have seen stark-contrasts in certain areas where the demographic-populations seem to be full of men and hardly any women around whilst also being a «fortunate» enough for a «guy» to have also come across areas where the female-population would «favour» any guy who is «smart» enough to move to such locations for such potential access to many beautiful and available ladies without too much competition from other men (unlike those places where it seems like men are all over the place with hardly any women around or not available/desirable to the men [not that there was much to desire in those men either from what I've observed]). That is that... feel free to donate $$$ for my contributions to your questions if you find it useful/helpful in any way.

YogaKitten wrote:
Hey everyone. I'm posting this topic because I really want to find the right guy for me, but I have no idea how to go about doing it. I'm 27 years old and trying to get over my ex-boyfriend. He and I have been trying to figure things out for a while now, but we always find some reason not to get back together (right now it's that he wants to have kids in the future, but I'm not sure about it).

Anyway, I recently developed a crush on someone in a therapy group that I'm in. He's nice, funny, and an aspie like me, and we seemed to get along really well. However, I just found out that he's dating somebody else, so there goes that idea.

Honestly my problem is that I rarely ever meet new guys. I work from home and have already graduated college, so two major ways of meeting guys aren't available to me. So what I'm trying to figure out is how to improve my odds of actually finding someone who's compatible with me. I know a lot of girls meet guys through bars and clubs, but my understanding is that people usually go to those places to find someone to hook up with, not to find a long-term partner.

So how does one meet decent guys who are interested in a serious relationship? I'm completely at a loss here. Thanks in advance for any responses.


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12 Jan 2017, 12:29 pm

What do you like to do??

Go out and do that, and make yourself talk to other people who are in the same place at the same time and possibly doing the same thing. That's a good place to meet guys.

Even if you don't meet any guys, you went out and did something you like to do.


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12 Jan 2017, 12:32 pm

While Ban-Dodger is correct about being currently in a relationship not permanently disqualifying someone, I'm not a real big fan of date-vulturing or mate-poaching or waiting-in-the-wings or whatever it's called.

If you want to be their friend, be their friend. I am discussing a purely platonic relationship here.

If the relationship ends and that friendship evolves into something else, so be it. Enjoy.

Hanging around waiting for your big chance just destroys your mental health. Not to mention you ability to trust them around members of whatever sex they are attracted to if something should develop.


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Auroras
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12 Jan 2017, 1:24 pm

It's not impossible to find serious relationships from bars and clubs, at least where I live, but pretty unlikely, yeah. Do you have any hobbies where you could meet new people? Sports, a new language class, cooking class, conventions... common interests are helpful when looking for people you connect with.

A lot of people may disagree with me but online dating can work too, but only if you're willing to put a little time into it! Do NOT go to apps like Tinder, they're more geared towards hookups and you'll probably struggle finding people who want anything serious, but sites like OkCupid seem to have more people looking for relationships. I tried it for a while but ended up deleting my account because I just didn't have the time or energy for it.

I wish I had more helpful things to say but I'm actually struggling with the same thing. :< Good luck in your search though!



Twilightprincess
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14 Jan 2017, 8:50 am

If you have a well-mannered dog, I've found the dog park at peak times in a hip town to be a great place to meet guys. My goal wasn't to meet guys since I was in a relationship, but there were guys there and one who was interested.



LonelyRabbit
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16 Jan 2017, 5:43 pm

It really depends on what your interests are and what type of relationship you're looking for.

For example, if you want to find a guy just to have sex with and not get attached or get hurt, go to a bar or club like most people suggest.. or tinder or some other app.

If you want to try and meet "the one", go to places where guys will have your same interests, like say for instance, you're into nerd culture, go to comicon, or if you're into health and fitness, go to a gym.

Have you tried meetup.com?

Again, It REALLY depends on what you're looking for.



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01 Feb 2017, 11:18 pm

YogaKitten wrote:
Hey everyone. I'm posting this topic because I really want to find the right guy for me, but I have no idea how to go about doing it. I'm 27 years old and trying to get over my ex-boyfriend. He and I have been trying to figure things out for a while now, but we always find some reason not to get back together (right now it's that he wants to have kids in the future, but I'm not sure about it).

Anyway, I recently developed a crush on someone in a therapy group that I'm in. He's nice, funny, and an aspie like me, and we seemed to get along really well. However, I just found out that he's dating somebody else, so there goes that idea.

Honestly my problem is that I rarely ever meet new guys. I work from home and have already graduated college, so two major ways of meeting guys aren't available to me. So what I'm trying to figure out is how to improve my odds of actually finding someone who's compatible with me. I know a lot of girls meet guys through bars and clubs, but my understanding is that people usually go to those places to find someone to hook up with, not to find a long-term partner.

So how does one meet decent guys who are interested in a serious relationship? I'm completely at a loss here. Thanks in advance for any responses.


My sister used to run up to guys she thought were attractive, and give them her number. It's how she met her husband. She has an extremely good social sense though, and is a good judge of character.