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Amity
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20 Mar 2017, 6:45 pm

Cattiness in young women is the same as horseplay in young men?

It occurred to me a while ago that I might have misunderstood the social context for some of the negative comments from other women, particularly in adolescence.

The social jostling aspect of verbal cattiness went straight over my head and instead of likening them to crude horseplay in men (which I understood as rough social jostling) I took the comments at face value, perhaps because I was already sensitive to others observations about my oddness.

Only in my 30s have I come to understand that adolescent cattiness is a process that's being refined as preparation for adult life. Any thoughts are welcome :)



kraftiekortie
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20 Mar 2017, 7:38 pm

Horseplay could be "testing," similar to cattiness.

But horseplay, sometimes, is actually an expression of friendship.

Cattiness, to me, is never an expression of friendship. It's just bitchiness.

By the way, women and girls also horseplay, for the same reasons. Sometimes, as a test. Sometimes, to express friendship.



crystaltermination
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22 Mar 2017, 12:01 pm

That seems like a reasonable comparison to me. Unlike men, with women it all revolves around verbal subtleties and exclusion tactics to inflate one's flagging self-esteem, rather than blunt jokes and physical pranks. Looking in from the outside, the reasons behind the actions are as plain as day - jealousy, distrust and misplaced anger leap right into deliberate attempts to upset the individual on the receiving end, and increase their social status. A game. It's funny how being taciturn, friendless and lacking in anyone to converse with in real life, one is inevitably drawn towards people watching and learning to look beyond the external actions of others; you come to the conclusion we're just animals... but I hate it! I hate the drama and the mindless insulting actions of others, meant to hurt.
I suppose this is my knee-jerk reaction to a human phenomenon I've been on the receiving end of one time too many. I've been physically attacked, spat upon and excluded to the point of suicide thanks to other women. Men are wonderfully less complicated.


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beady
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22 Mar 2017, 12:44 pm

Cattiness is alive and well long after adolescence. As well as clicks, exclusionary tactics, and thinly veiled insults for purposes that defy my understanding.
I cannot understand their language.
Just had a woman at work come up and insult me rather bluntly. Someone else had complimented me to her, she passed that on to me and proceeded to tell me how wrong they were, and she said she wanted whatever they must be smoking. And yet you have to work with these people.
It's as if there cannot be a friend/team unless you also have someone else who you are excluding/demeaning.
This is why I am agnostic.
Men are not at all above cattiness. Seen it firsthand.



Amity
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26 Mar 2017, 5:01 pm

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Last edited by Amity on 26 Mar 2017, 6:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Amity
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26 Mar 2017, 5:07 pm

Im still having ahh moments where I suddenly understand something that confused me years ago, I guess my threads about behaviour in the women's section are part of (admittedly slowly) piecing the bigger picture together.

Quote:
Horseplay could be "testing," similar to cattiness.

But horseplay, sometimes, is actually an expression of friendship.

Cattiness, to me, is never an expression of friendship. It's just bitchiness.

By the way, women and girls also horseplay, for the same reasons. Sometimes, as a test. Sometimes, to express friendship.

Kraftie,I dont view cattiness and bitchiness as the same thing, not anymore, the former can be unpleasant but if refined its a useful social skill in those testing situations, especially in adulthood, the latter is a different animal, more akin to bullying.

Quote:
That seems like a reasonable comparison to me. Unlike men, with women it all revolves around verbal subtleties and exclusion tactics to inflate one's flagging self-esteem, rather than blunt jokes and physical pranks. Looking in from the outside, the reasons behind the actions are as plain as day - jealousy, distrust and misplaced anger leap right into deliberate attempts to upset the individual on the receiving end, and increase their social status. A game. It's funny how being taciturn, friendless and lacking in anyone to converse with in real life, one is inevitably drawn towards people watching and learning to look beyond the external actions of others; you come to the conclusion we're just animals... but I hate it! I hate the drama and the mindless insulting actions of others, meant to hurt.
I suppose this is my knee-jerk reaction to a human phenomenon I've been on the receiving end of one time too many. I've been physically attacked, spat upon and excluded to the point of suicide thanks to other women. Men are wonderfully less complicated.

Crystaltermination, Its horrid that your experience was to those extremes, I think people who take things so far as to purposely harm another have issues that go much deeper than the observable behaviour, and similar as you say to animals, the soft target is usually the outlet of choice. Im starting to view cattiness as a necessary skill for women on the spectrum, a type verbal self defense perhaps.

Quote:
Cattiness is alive and well long after adolescence. As well as clicks, exclusionary tactics, and thinly veiled insults for purposes that defy my understanding.
I cannot understand their language.
Just had a woman at work come up and insult me rather bluntly. Someone else had complimented me to her, she passed that on to me and proceeded to tell me how wrong they were, and she said she wanted whatever they must be smoking. And yet you have to work with these people.
It's as if there cannot be a friend/team unless you also have someone else who you are excluding/demeaning.
This is why I am agnostic.
Men are not at all above cattiness. Seen it firsthand.

Beady, I have often wondered why there is this need for someone to be excluded, or on the outs with groups. In larger groups the person selected for exclusion seems to change and not be a permanent thing, it reminds me of when someone is the focus of gossip due to some type of scandal etc, the focus usually shifts off them and onto another person after a short time. I completely agree that men can be this way too, I wonder if men have always been like this but due to societal changes its manifesting now in the acceptable form of cattiness.