Why do women lose their special interests?
"Man cave" conjures up other unhealthy imagery as well, that of living secluded and away from other people. It reminds me of the behavior of those awful people in those hoarding programs. (They tend to be in equal numbers split between the sexes, but the men tend to be far more reclusive. The women tend toward some truly horrible behaviors, such as animal hoarding. I refuse to watch those programs.)
Answering the original question...
I think it's a gender roles thing. Men's special interests are seen as hobbies (even if they're expensive things that serve no purpose other than the man's enjoyment) or workaholism (if they're something that has been turniped into a paying career). Men are allowed, even supposed, to practice self-care.
Women's special interests are seen as selfishness and a waste of time that should be spent in service to others (even if they are very practical things like gardening or natural health care). "Self-care," for a woman in societal opinion, means keeping yourself looking pretty. There is still this view that everyhting a woman does should be other-directed, both in the sense of being at another's behest and the sense of being for the benefit of another instead of simply because she enjoys it.
_________________
"Alas, our dried voices when we whisper together are quiet and meaningless, as wind in dry grass, or rats' feet over broken glass in our dry cellar." --TS Eliot, "The Hollow Men"
I think it's a gender roles thing. Men's special interests are seen as hobbies (even if they're expensive things that serve no purpose other than the man's enjoyment) or workaholism (if they're something that has been turniped into a paying career). Men are allowed, even supposed, to practice self-care.
Women's special interests are seen as selfishness and a waste of time that should be spent in service to others (even if they are very practical things like gardening or natural health care). "Self-care," for a woman in societal opinion, means keeping yourself looking pretty. There is still this view that everyhting a woman does should be other-directed, both in the sense of being at another's behest and the sense of being for the benefit of another instead of simply because she enjoys it.
I think that might partly be why so many guys in my culture dislike female musicians, especially if they are vocalists. It also clashes with their paradigm that women are supposed to be subservient. Unless a woman is serving a man, she's being selfish and I feel like that is a backwards view. Aren't men supposed to help themselves and be strong as well as independent? Bible Belt logic makes no sense to me.
I've been into Disgaea since 2013 or 2014 my first game being Disgaea 4: A Promise Unforgotten. Flonne is so cute though. I want to cosplay as her and wish I could but sadly I can't drive due to seizures so going to Anime Boston is impossible at this point.
I'm not sure how far you can get in them yet. I haven't really beaten them except for Infinite because I'm a shopaholic with new releases and retro games. Why must new games come out right when I'm super focused on something I'm already playing?
Dang, that sucks to hear.
dragonsanddemons
Veteran
Joined: 19 Mar 2011
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 6,659
Location: The Labyrinth of Leviathan
Hmm... I haven't heard that before. My main interests change, but I never completely lose one that was an obsession. Even the few I've had where I didn't actually like the thing (like the band Slayer, or the movie The Human Centipede - haven't actually seen that, thank goodness, but I read the entire Wikipedia article for all of them) but still felt compelled to learn everything I could about it will still catch my attention if they're mentioned. My very first obsession was arthropods. My parents say one of my first words was "caterpillar," and one of my earliest memories is when I was no older than three, holding a book out in front of a spider and calling "Here, spider!" because I wanted to hold it but didn't want to get bitten. To this day my family gets very annoyed when going on nature walks with me because I'm always stopping to look at insects, and I've been known to spew random facts about insects to anyone who will listen, even though I don't classify it as a main obsession anymore. My current main obsessions are the band Tool, Pokemon, wendigos, and Cenobites from Hellraiser (I know, I'm a freak ), all of which I've had to some extent for years. But then again, I seem to be lacking many of the traits that apparently are common among women on the spectrum in comparison to men.
_________________
Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"
Well, I have changed my special interests many times, but I never actually lost them entirely. As I child I remember being intensely interested in the Harry Potter books. I still love the series and have recently visited the studio where the movies were filmed, but I don't think about it all the time anymore.
My teenage special interest was the Holocaust. I read everything and anything I could find on the subject, including a pdf of the translation of Main Kampf. I'm no longer obsessed with it but I still enjoy talking about it and I'm happy to be a volunteer guide of the Anne Frank Museum in my country.
As I young adult, my special interest was Game of Thrones and A Song of Ice and Fire. It lasted until the end of last year. I still love the series and will be thrilled to watch the last season and read the upcoming books when they are finally released, but I don't spend my free time reading forums threads and watching videos in YouTube about it anymore.
My current special interests are autism and psychology. That's what I think about most of the time and I can spend many hours a day reading articles about those topics. But my previous special interests are also part of my identity and they still have a place in my life.
_________________
Professionally diagnosed with PDD NOS as a child, but only told by my parents at the age of 21.
Autism Quotient: 30
Aspie quiz: 123/200 aspie; 75/200 NT
RAADS: 135
I haven't lost my special interests (at 40) but my obsessions (the two are very different for me, like comparing love and crushes) have become fewer and farther between.
My special interests are as much a part of me now as they ever were.
I have never understood or cared about the notion that interests that serve no purpose besides joy or entertainment are a waste. As long as they give me something, I continue to enjoy them, and I would never let anyone pester me into not being into it or not being that way. My interests (to say nothing of my special interests) are far more important to me than they will ever be.
Nor do I care about conforming to any gender roles. I am me and no one's approval is needed. If anyone dislikes it, tough luck.
On the topic of RPGs, my favorite video games are Pokemon, Rune Factory and Dragon Quest, so I'm into them too. I also loved Lunar: Dragon Song. I am currently hooked on Dragon Quest VIII.
_________________
BOLTZ 17/3 2012 - 12/11 2020
Beautiful, sweet, gentle, playful, loyal
simply the best and one of a kind
love you and miss you, dear boy
Stop the wolf kills! https://www.thepetitionsite.com/takeact ... 3091429765
That's me exactly. I have an entire spare bedroom filled with craft supplies that I've been into over the years. The only one that's been fairly consistent is jewelry making (beading mostly, some wirework). But I have enough yarn and fiber from my knitting and spinning days to choke a few horses and I seem to have completely lost interest in that. Maybe it'll come back.
Thoughout my life I have had many intense interests, one thing that is very constant for me is photography.
I have felt looking back onto my past is that my interests changed because I was made to feel ashamed or embarrassed by having such intense sudden intrests in things and made to feel like it's bad to have such things.
Depression destroys special interests if you develop it and have it severely for a long time. (Mine has been life long, I think due to not being diagnosed.) This may be true for others who have lost their interests, especially since women are more likely to be misdiagnosed.
I grew up without diagnosis or knowing about it. I don't have any friends and I'm at the point in my life now that I feel that I have spent so much energy and things getting close to people / making friends (every person I have ever had a close friendship with) only to be hurt quite badly in the end that I no longer feel I can have a good close friendship or best friends.
Depression is an interest killer, for sure.
_________________
Neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 156 of 200.
Neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 56 of 200.
RAADS-R score: 175.0
Artist | INFJ-T | heterodemisexual.
Similar Topics | |
---|---|
Did anyone else grow out of having special interests? |
Yesterday, 6:35 am |
Frivolous special interests |
30 Mar 2024, 6:10 pm |
Regression, Burnout and Special Interests |
05 Mar 2024, 4:08 pm |
Advice on special interests, burnout and fulfilment |
06 Feb 2024, 9:39 am |