Helping "the women" in the kitchen at family/socia

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I prefer to be in charge. I'm fine in my own home. I can kind of get a meal prepared without thinking and only really ask for help with serving. I go to my parents' house twice a week for dinner. I'm in charge there too. My Mum prepares the lettuce, but I do everything else. She likes it that way.

But, if I'm in another person's home, I don't like to intrude (I wouldn't want anyone other than my husband in my kitchen). I hate being at my husband's brother's house for a meal. They spend a ridiculous amount of time in the kitchen (I have everything prepared beforehand). They don't wait for guests to leave before washing up either. In my house, we spend as much time as possible with our guests, in the dining room/lounge. The dishes just get piled up in the kitchen and dealt with after everyone leaves. That way, we have more time for relaxing, with our guests. But, I've come to realise that my in-laws really are expecting help with the preparation and clearing up. I just would never expect any guest to do that in my home, so I'd never offer, other than piling up plates and putting paper napkins in the bin, etc.

Its definately not about the carrying or the washing up, thats the easy bit. If you can manage to get a lengthy job like the washing up, then you're sorted, otherwise its like nails down a chalkboard.

If my Mum has a "do" then she just prefers to do it all herself, anyone else in the kitchen flusters her, so I was in for a shock at my paternal aunt's house where there were up to a dozen women coming and going, chatting, doing things & tripping over me as I tried my best to merge with a cupboard in the corner.

I would need to be very drunk to not completely stress out, but since having kids I am never very drunk, so I'm glad mine are all boys and I don't have to live with any other females at all.

NT women just seem to know far too much, like they have a secret data sheet that is constantly updated, and no-one thought to give me one! Luckily my mum is similar, so I don't feel so bad.

In most cases, when you go to another woman's house for an occasion, it's acceptable to ask the hostess first if she needs any help. If she says no, you're off the hook. If she hands you a plate of food to pass around, she probably just wants you out of the kitchen, but she may actually need help with passing the food around. Passing the food around is a very social task, so if this makes you uncomfortable, you can ask the hostess "Do you want any help with the washing up?" Only offer to help if it is something you are good at. Practice your skills at home, not at the party.

I'm the same. I hardly ever help out in the kitchen. I'm bad at cooking and I have a hard time socializing with other women, even if it's my family. Why are women always expected to do this? The most I'll do is set the table and if I'm at another person's house even that'll be awkward for me to ask. That's part of the reason why I hate meeting boyfriends parents.

Yes. Exactly as you've described it in fact. LOL

I was just diagnosed with AS two days ago and have been wandering about in a fog as I bring various things in under that umbrella and see how they look now. As soon as I read you post I realized this is something that fits under there perfectly. It's been a long time since I've attended any dinner parties, but back when I regularly did I was as awkward as all get out. I was willing to help in the kitchen, but needed so much detailed instruction that it could hardly count as being helpful. Even tasks I performed at home with aplomb got all clumsy when I tried to do them in concert with other women. For instance, set to cutting up celery, I might cut up enough celery to feed 100.

I tended to migrate out to the living room where the men invariably had a conversation going on a subject that interested me.

Because I'm a good cook, I'm expected to host Thanksgiving, have in-laws over for dinner, etc. I'm fine doing all the cooking/table setting. I do NOT want anyone to help me; I'd rather do it all myself because they'll just mess it up. My husband plays social host (something I *cannot* do), and I just stay in the kitchen unless I have to come out. Because I hate it when people help me, I don't offer to help when I go over to other people's houses. I know I'm expected to ask, but not only do I not want to help, I think they should do it themselves. That's why they are hosting...

I know that's not how it is, though. Consequently, I'm probably considered lazy/rude.

I don't want to be good at that. I find it incredibly sexist.

I'm an NT girl and I'm not old enough yet to host parties since I am still in college, but I'm also a shy NT and I also have no idea what are the social customs simply because I wasn't taught about them. My family grew up with different customs and when I go to someone's house, I'm unsure if I have to greet each time every single person and how long to chat with them before I can go and talk to my friend who I came to visit. I'm sure I might come off as rude, but I rather be that then make myslef look stupid trying to figure out how I'm suppose to greet. And if I'm unsure how to thost a party, I would ask my sisters or even research online because I really don't know..I have never seen a gopod example of how to do it. As for helping out, I would just see hwat's left over, like trash cleaning, or maybe helping another finish the dishes and I would have to look happy and willing to do it...if you show you don't look happy doing it, they would rather you not do it at all.

I'm awkward at family gatherings, too. Luckily everyone's accepted me by now. Last time an aunt had to teach me how to dry a pot with a towel because I never wiped anything dry myself. My mom never expect me to be much help. I can cook a 10-dish meal all by myself and clean it up just fine, but I can't work with other people much.