Muslim Women?

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if a woman has 4 husbands, then has a baby... who is the father?

Personnally, i wouldnt want 4 husbands.

Polygamy is mostly to protect women,( the prophet married mostly widows and divorcees) to have the possibility to have more children etc...
A woman can have only one baby a year, so with 4 husbands it means 5 people will have only one baby. The other way the possibiliy is that there will be 4 babies.


Polygamy is allowed, but doesn t mean men have to marry four wives.
They can only do that if they can be fair. If they buy a house for one, they should do the same for the others...

I always joke with my husband when i ask him to bring me some milk at 10pm "imagine if you had more wives, you ll go crazy to buy milk everyday at that time"

Nice points, ghouna. It's amazing how many people are so eager to ignore basic biological facts. Personally, if I were ready to get married again, I'd definitely prefer a brother who is already married, but preferably to more than one woman. The jealousy with just one co-wife is just unbearable, but once you have two or three, there's already a degree of adjustment. I personally like my space, so having a husband who can be there when you need him, but who's gone half or two-thirds or so of the time sounds just perfect. Besides, all the good men are already taken.

Actually, it's taken me ten years of angst-ridden, wall-banging, tear-drying soul-searching to be able to write what I just did, but I mean every word of it. Sometimes we are just so attached to things that are completely arbitrary and non-essential. It feels good to be able to stand back and chuckle.

Oh, and freedom is about a lot more than just promiscuous sex.

Some problem with converts to Islam is the reason why they convert. I have met a few who just wanted to marry young and disrespect their parents. Smoking, taking drugs and being hoodlums just couldn't shock their parents enough so they decided to become muslims without really knowing much about Islam. One young man walking around with a diaper wrapped around his head and a tail hanging down like he was some important mullah. He didn't even have a beard.

I have met many people attending church that will tell me that they are muslims. They have been attending church for years yet they are afraid of telling anyone that they are Christians because they fear for their lives.

I have also experienced harassment for not fasting during Ramadan when I live in a country that does not even have a majority of muslims. This person who bullied had a reputation for being lazy. She would complain about having to get up early to cook and having to stay up late with parties the night before. She would think that her colleagues should do her work for her because she had to fast. She wanted to work at night so she could eat her meals. When she brought sweets at Eid she refused to give them to non-muslims. She was a very selfish person. She even claimed that she had never sinned. Was she following the five pillars?

Religion should make a believer a better person, not entitle them to bully and be cruel or worse to others.

Waow!! !

You know, i met a lot of muslims and sometimes converts forget where they are coming from.

Yes that is right.
Since i became a muslim, i have more respect for myself and obviously for others.

You are right, some muslims don t understand their own religion. (well i think even with christian and jewish, they dont always understand their beliefs)

LOL how can anybody claim that they had never sinned?
Eid is in less than two weeks, i am looking forward to it.
every thursday, i go to a home educator group, and i told them that the thursday following Eid, i will bring sweets, and explain to children why i am doing so.
As a muslim, i have to be friendly, respectful. Sometimes i hear bad words from sisters mouths against non muslim, when themselves used to be non muslim. I dont really understand that. (well maybe some part, but they are non muslim who are better in their behaviour than some muslims)

In Egypt, when a Christian becomes a Muslim, his family generally tries to kill him or kidnap and imprison him in the church dungeon, and if they can't do that, they sometimes show up at their door and throw acid in the person's face to disfigure them. Egyptians are always shocked that my family still speak to me after becoming Muslim. Oh, and everyone's afraid of Christians because they do magic on people.

Assuming any of this is true, what does it say about Christianity?

Exactly, nothing.

In reply to MO2- We have the same problem in the religious Jewish community, some young people become religious and then they act all holier-than-thou and disrespect their parents, while one of the most important laws is to respect your parents, teachers and elders! Or they'll think that dressing a certain way is more important than how they act and treat people.
I guess it's because some people are attracted to a religious life out of a desire to become closer to G-d, while others because they think it's going to solve all their problems. You bring your problems with you! And some are attracted to the outer trappings of religion, and think it makes them better than other people.

I see why it makes more sense reproductively, but that's besides the point.

You see hardly any cultures (if any) that are fine with the idea of a woman having multiple husbands. Usually this is because women are considered inferior, weak, or property of men.

Of course you'll far more babies with polygamy. But if a woman would like to have the option of having more men, I feel she should be entitled to it just as the men of Islam are entiteld to have more than one wife. It's all about equality.
I know that if I had a husband that had more wives other than me, I'd go nuts with jealousy and bitterness.

Then again, I know you will disagree, and nothing I say will convince you, and I respect that. These are just my own feelings on the matter.

You know, it is not because i am a muslim, that i am not jealous! I am terribly jealous! When we are out, i always say to my husband "put your head down", I dont want him to look at any other women. And i know he is allowed to have more wives, if he can be fair. But i wont accept that. I accept the fact that men are allowed to have 4 wives, but i dont want that.
I have friends who are second wives (btw, second wives is easier than first...) and they are happy.
I think polygamy is great, but i dont want my husband to marry again (and he knows that, it is a condition in our marriage contract... )

there is a culture who is fine with women having a lot of husband. I think it is in an africa tribe, a woman married a man, then every follwing year, she marries his brothers...
But for me i doesn t make any sense. it is very hard for me to be with an husband. you know, when we are not in the mood sexually, i dont know how i will keep happy 4 men. And dont forget, men have physical needs, not like women. (well we have some, but not as intense as the men ...)

Both opinions are right, about the historical reason most cultures prohibit polyandry (multiple husbands). The first reason is that paternity is important in these cultures, and the whole social system would fall apart if you had a lot of people running around not knowing who their fathers are. They're called ''patriarchal'' societies for a reason!
The other is, yes, aquiring a wife was considered a form of purchase, as it was in most ancient cultures. The difference is that when Judaism came along, it established regulations and limits on how many wives a man could have and how they were to be treated, to be fairer to women. Because Judaism was for the most part inherited- passed down through the mother!- the surrounding cultures still had the older, grossly unfair practices, which were corrected with the advent of Islam.

I can agree that any religion or philosophy can be misused and end up with people abusing others.

What question I am trying to ask: is it right for a Muslim to harass another Muslim brother or sister for not wearing hijab, fasting during Ramadan, saving money for pilgrimage etc? I don't mean just telling someone that they are in error to try and honestly and lovingly try to improve their faith and practice of religion. I have seen Muslims harassing other Muslims at work and it really bothered me. Is there supposed to be a penalty given out to people or is it just on their own conscience?

On the subject of non-Muslim women wearing a headscarf. I was wearing some kind of headcovering once in a mall food court. A man asked me if I was Muslim. I said no. He was wondering because he said it thought it was strange to see a covered woman eating in public during Ramadan. I think the next time a stranger asks me anything like that -- I just wouldn't answer. I don't think it would be anyone business why I cover my head anyway.

That is a totally shocking crime.

No offense...but that's totally wrong. There are women that have great needs too.....lots of women love sex. This statement is a bit sexist and generalizing of women. Lots of religions and societies WANT you to believe that women don't like sex. If I had five husbands to choose from....damn, it would be fun.

No offense, but actually, it's not - not wrong and not sexist, just biological fact. It is a generalization and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that because the point is that the GENERAL situation of women is that they have a lower sex drive (physically) than men, which leads to a lot of pressured wives and a lot of frustrated men, in GENERAL. Like Ghouna said, just because polgygny is allowed doesn't mean that everyone has to do it or accept it in their own situation, but it is an option for those who would like to, as long as certain standards are met: that each wife be provided with her own living quarters (co-wives do not have to live together and deal with the ridiculous levels of jealousy that would entail), they must be given equal time (generally in terms of one night for each wife in regular rotation, but other arrangements can be made), they must each be provided for equally in terms of food and clothing, etc. There is no fault on the husband for the inclinations of his heart which it is impossible for him to control and he may visit whomever he likes during the day whenever he likes (if he wants, he may go to all), but each wife must be guaranteed her basic rights as a wife.

For the EXCEPTIONS of women who have a more active sex drive--and there are many, but they are still the minority of women--it is the responsibility of the husband to satisfy her to the best of his capacity (according to a fatwa I got many years ago from a very respected shaikh), just as it is her responsibility to satisfy him to the best of her capacity, since the main purpose of marriage in Islam is chastity: to fulfill the natural sexual needs within the bounds of a legally recognized marriage. Due to issues of paternity, I can't imagine what the purpose of "marriage" would be if one has four "husbands".

If and when any of these rules are not followed, the spouse would have a legitimate grievance which it is recommended they discuss calmly to try to solve, but if the situation escalates, then, contrary to popular belief, women do have the right of divorce in Islam; it is called khula. If many Muslim women are oppressed, it is because there are those who want to prevent them from learning their God-given, Islamic rights.

Whether or not offense was intended, I do find it offensive when people (usually for the sake of "feminism" which is not a monolith) assert that ALL difference between the sexes is cultural when that is so obviously false. Just because women differ in GENERAL, in many ways from men, doesn't mean that they are less, inferior, dominated, brainwashed or whatever. Nor does it mean that there are no individual exceptions, but exceptions do not make the rule. People are what they are and there are solutions for everyone, but in Islam, the purpose of life is not restricted to getting your kicks and having fun. These things have their place and they are kept in their place. Thing is, I wouldn't go barging into the transgender thread to liberate them from their folly because I know how welcome that kind of contribution would be.



Obviously, if any of it is true. I have no proof, but there may be a grain of truth to it, who knows? The point is that it is a stereotype, and a very common one, which probably not many outside of Egypt have never heard, which is why I repeated it. For shock value. Ok, here's another one: Christians smell greasy because they are always fasting (fasting for Christians in Egypt involves not eating meat on Fridays and certain other seasons of the year, so they presumably eat various fried vegetables). Pretty offensive, isn't it? People become numb to stereotypes when they are repeated, but I expected the stereotype to be questioned when it is foreign. Americans (and I don't know who else in the world) have become numb to stereotypes of Muslims because it fits what they want to believe about us.

I have to agree with you on this one DazzleKitty

Realistically, though, what would the word "marriage" add to an arrangement like this? If we agree that marriage is for preserving commitment and rights, and not just the satisfaction of desires, then what exactly would a polyandrous marriage provide? How would this differ from unsanctioned promiscuity?