Uncomfortable with Massage Therapist

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I have a massage therapist that I've been seeing for years now. He is an aspie. His son has been diagnosed and he was told by a specialist that he is most likely on the spectrum. We tend to chat about all sorts of things during the massage. I can't remember when I started feeling a little uncomfortable or really why. I think maybe the relationship got a bit too casual. Anyway, the visit before last he was massaging my bottom and talking about prostitutes and why they would do it and what sort of men would see them. I think it came about because I was talking about a Ben Elton book and how legalising drugs would get rid of forced prostitution. I felt really uncomfortable and vulnerable and was able to change the subject. But last visit, he alluded to sex quite a few times and was talking about how his wife doesn't pay him enough attention. He was also massaging my bottom at this time as well. I wear underpants in the massage, but he must pull them down at the back to massage my bottom, due to my back pain. I tried to change the subject a few times, but he just kept talking about his relationship with his wife. Sex talk makes me nervous even if someone wasn't massaging me, but that makes it worse.

My problem is that I have back pain and I require regular massages and I don't know of anyone better to do them. I tried lots of different places before I settled on this guy.

Would you be more comfortable with a female masseuse?




And are you female yourself?

Yeah, it sounds like he's crossing a line.

I have been to two massage therapists, both female. The first was ok, the second was wonderful. I found her through referrals from the first one when I moved from one town to the other. Ask around and look for a new therapist. I don't think he's going to be able to repair this damage, if he hasn't sensed it by now.

In the meantime if you do go back you may need to be very clear about him not talking about this. Try saying STOP to get his attention, sit up if you need to, and tell him to stay off that subject, period. If you're not comfortable confronting him (and I guess most people wouldn't be) then you probably should just not go back at all, back pain or no back pain.

Also, this may be the time to see if you can find some sort of exercise to reduce your back pain and prevent it from recurring. Not that you should give up massages if you have an RMT you're comfortable with and can afford. I miss those massages.

Thanks for the responses. I've been trying to find a new massage therapist. Most around here don't do remedial massage to do with injuries, but instead just do relaxing massage.

I am doing exercises for my back as well to try to strengthen it and I have stretches. I fractured a vertebrae in my spine about 4 years back now. I had three operations to fix it. I tend to find that the exercises make my back hurt more, which means I need the massage as well.

Anyway, I'm searching for a new good massage therapist...

Can't you go to a chiropractor?

Tell him flat out that you feel he's being unprofessional and it's making you very uncomfortable.

Due to our sometimes inappropriate words/ reactions, he may think you're just cool with it.

TELL him, he needs to be corrected.

my friend's boyfriend’s friend's girlfriend gave him a gift certificate for a massage. This was one a parlour she has been going to herself for years and apparently fairly reputable.

Anyway after his massage, he get asked if he would like 'extras'.

That is basically how many parlours operate, this guy is probably trying to get ‘extra’ money.