Anybody here who doesn't have autism?

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What did you say to Soc.?

She left for a while ( a family crises, or something like that), but then came back, but even more recently seems to be awol again. Both times were probably for reasons that have nothing to do with you.

Last edited by naturalplastic on 22 Aug 2017, 4:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I am not formally diagnosed, but I have some of the traits of Asperger syndrome.

It was in this thread , It was the last post she made here so I feel rather guilty.

Looks like she was upset.

Hope that she comes back.

Soc of Autism has a degenerative muscular condition.

She's had much worse criticism---and that didn't drive her away.

She also has a husband and a child.

I was diagnosed with "mild, atypical" Asperger's and NLD when I was 13. The professionals admitted at the time it was difficult to place a diagnosis; I was socially awkward, a black-and-white thinker and obsessive about interests, but it just didn't feel entirely like Asperger's... but there was really no diagnosis that did fit better, either.

I don't think Asperger's fits perfectly, either. For one, I don't have any sensory issues, which seem to be a hallmark for many people. I have also improved immensely over time and grown out of many of the traits (not to say people with Asperger's can't improve immensely). Most of the Aspie traits are really more like quirky personality traits at this point; I suppose if I were to tell someone I was diagnosed on the spectrum, they could see the vestiges in my personality, but I don't think people would go 'aha' if I told them; I think they'd be surprised (I think? Not that I've tried...).

But... that said, I do have several traits, and I relate to a lot of the posts here. I don't think the spectrum is a linear line; rather, I conceptualize mental functioning as a sort of 3D color spectrum, wherein the extremes are classically defined disorders, and within that cube, you have shades of traits to varying degrees. Somewhere in there, I think I am on the phenotype, to varying degrees on varying things, but I'm not on the extremes.

Personally I don't keep track of who here has autism and who doesn't or doesn't have an official dx or whatever. I consider it irrelevant.

As has been said, there are partners and parents, girlfriends and boyfriends here, who don't have autism but who are here because their loved one has it.

I don't think I've noticed anyone treating them unfairly, unkindly or like they shouldn't be here. From what I've seen, they are perfectly well accepted and part of the friendships around here. Soc of Autism and NurseAngela are among them, also someone whose husband is on the spectrum; they are part of the conversations here and have valuable input to give.

I can't speak for how they might feel when some of us have a little "vent" about "NTs" ways at times . . . not everyone here "hates" NTs it's just that once in a while something comes up in life, regarding something that has made us feel acutely aware that people without autism are not experiencing things quite the same as people with autism, and an individual NT person or even just a situation more comfortable for allistic people has made life difficult of an autistic person. When I have whined a bit about something like that, it's not ALL NTs I'm condemning. I'm just venting usually about the one NT that made things difficult for me that particular occasion I'm venting about, and I'm feeling "the difference."

Everyone needs to vent once in a while, and it's not personal to the people in the room who may be of the same category. There are always differences that irk us -- even an NT person will want to vent about another NT person who, for example is on the other political side, or who isn't the same religion, or who doesn't like their football team. . . it's human once in while to say "goddamn what is up with those OTHER people?"

It doesn't mean you hate the whole lot, most of the time.

True, I did consider that when I made this thread. I recognise that it's a possibility as I'm not so keen on the idea of having autism because I'm still trying to accept that I might not be NT and may have a learning difficulty (dyscalculia) which I'm currently in the process of trying to get a diagnosis for. Yeah, I've also considered OCD because my family tend to label me as such (usually in a joke type manner though) but then again I realise that a lot of people who claim to "be a tad OCD" are usually not, but then again people have reached out to me on chat forums and even here people have pointed out symptoms that I show of it, and I usually score high on OCD tests.

I also considered misophonia and sensory processing for the sensory issues, I certainly hate certain sounds like high-pitched whistling and people chewing gum, but I also have issues unrelated to sound (like with certain smells and sensations). With all of these things combined, I did wonder about the possibility of autism. The difficulty is that a lot of these conditions seem to overlap with each other, so that can make identifying the issue difficult.

One of the main reasons that I discounted autism was that people often call it a social issue, something that doesn't really go away. But I'm actually pretty good at socialising these days, granted there are times when I mess up on occasion. But it's not anywhere near how I was. My issues mostly lie in sensory things (finding it hard to eat with others when certain types of food are present, sometimes finding it impossible and having to eat alone) and obsessions (forgetting about a conversation because I got distracted by something I find interesting, researching topics, having to check certain things due to repetitive thoughts/ do certain actions).

I no longer over-react when people enter my personal space, and I no longer have any issues with eye contact and when I used to it was only with a select few people. I know how to smile properly now, although yeah- still find the whole sounding enthusiastic thing difficult. And at times miss sarcasm, I'm better at being sarcastic than picking up on it. I'm becoming better at being less literal though. Although, I'm not sure about facial expressions and body language. Some people say I'm good at it, others say I'm terrible. If the face and voice test thread was anything to go by, yeesh I think I could do with some practice.

I was a true-blue "classic autistic" when I was a young child. I mean...no speech, oblivious to what was around me. Doctors considered me a "vegetable," and recommended institutionalization.

But here I am now.....very lucky. I made my adjustments. But I will always be autistic.

And there ain't nothing wrong with that!

Yeah- my main problems are sensory too. You sound like me with eye contact/social skills- I can fake eye contact with certain people, but I can't make it at all with others. Maybe I will grow out of that too . I hope you can get a diagnosis that suits you and your needs. Whatever the outcome is, you are still a great person and have been a wonderful support to me here. You may not be autistic, but you still are welcome here even if you aren't. You are probably not neurotypical, that's for sure !

Well, it is possible. I was 15 when I started to improve on my eye contact, and at 16 I had no issues at all with it. You're only 13 now, so your situation with eye contact could potentially change.



Yeah, I hope so too. Thank you for your kind words, it's nice to know that you have found my presence here to be helpful.



It's still weird to me hearing that, I mean- people have speculated about me being ND for quite sometime but with a potential LD diagnosis in the near future, the possibility that I'm not NT is becoming a lot more real to me. In a weird way- it's almost daunting having my suspicions either confirmed or denied. But I also realise that it doesn't change anything, I'm still the same old me after all. It'll be good if it turns out that I'm entitled to some help, but what I don't want to happen is people talking down to me, I hate condescending people.

I also don't have trouble maintaining friendships and I also have a number of friends. Apart from that, I'm still socially awkward and many people don't like me or think I'm really weird. I'm just lucky to know the right people and, yes, I'm quite good at maintaining friendships since I don't have social anxiety and get in touch with my friends regularly. Social problems manifest in different ways. I have been to many places where people would shun me or be against me, including workplace.

You don't have to be bad at maintaining friendships to fit the diagnostic criteria.


Again, this is not something stated in either ICD-10 oder DSM-5. Never even heard that before.
I see no reason why a people with ASD could not possibily be good at writing dialogue:
-It could mean you're very good at observing other people's behaviour, especially the tiny details. So your ASD could actually be beneficial to that.
-(Some, not all) people with ASD spend a lot of time actively und consciously thinking about other people's thoughts, motivations, intentions, moods or behaviours. There's also a thread here about how some people on the spectrum see others as pieces of a puzzle. This could also be beneficial.
-Mimicking other's behavior is also something common on the spectrum.

Apart from that, if you DO NOT fit the criteria, you could "just" be a highly sensitive person. I just want to point out that things like "I cannot possibly have ASD because people with ASD don't go to parties/don't have friends/are good at maths/are good at sports" can be proven wrong with counterexamples most of the time.

That’s true, I was more just talking anecdotally based on what I’d seen here. It can be hard to tell whether you’re socially awkward when all your friends consider themselves to be socially awkward, so either I just attract a lot of awkward people, or a lot of people underestimate their abilities.

People don’t tend to shun me much, aside from homophobic reasons but ah well.





Yeah, I was also speaking anecdotally here as well. I saw some people saying that they found dialogue hard to write because they found it hard to put themselves in someone else’s shoes.

I’m usually good at picking up on minor details, which can help with my hobbies like photography but then there are some details that I tend to miss. I’d say that it is possible to overdo it though, sometimes you can read too much into a minor (potentially negative) body movement which probably wasn’t even intentional, so it is important to take a step back sometimes and consider the context and whether such a reaction or movement would make sense in the situation.

I wouldn’t say that I view people as a puzzle, I’d say that I view them more as an individual book. Each you can learn a lesson from, or several, and many friendships have a beginning, middle and end. Some friendships are best left in the past because people change and drift away from each other, and that’s ok. Sometimes it’s for the best.

In terms of mimicking people’s behaviour, I don’t tend to do that.



True. I think I am probably just a highly sensitive person. Yeah, I realise that all of those things are stereotypes. Personally, I’m bad at maths, ok at some sports like field hockey and table tennis, I have friends, and parties are fun yet also terrifying. I don’t tend to go to parties very often.

Haha, true Lately, I went through my friends and acquaintances and most of them are a bit socially awkward and/or have some form of OCD or ADHD, some are (only) extremely shy without being socially awkdward. I guess most of the people who studied computer science with me are a bit like that, some might also be on the spectrum. Having to deal with people outside this social circle or my family feels like a culture shock sometimes..having to make smalltalk, people talking behind other's backs and trying to form coalitions through that (I'm really bad at that stuff and I object to it), people thinking I'm weird because I listen to many music genres, people taking selfies all the time...

Ok, I'm only talking about myself again. Might not be really helpful.


When people on this message boards have traits that could be related to ASD they tend to generalize them a bit too much IMO. Like: Of course I cannot go to concerts, as an aspie I'm hypersensitive to bright lights (you don't have to hypersensitive to light).



See, I love to go to parties (and yes, I have an official diagnosis). On the other hand, I'm good at math and I'm really bad at sports, so at least I fit these stereotypes

I tend to confuse my friends because I claim to want to go to parties, but I also avoid them. On the surface, this is contradictory-but let me explain. I haven’t been to a party since I was 13 or younger, and I’m 18 now. Parties can be loud and confusing, and very tiring. I’m somewhat on the introverted side, so it can be tiring having conversations for a long time.

It’s funny because I have memories of going to parties and spending my time reorganising the snacks, and spending time with some kid’s mother talking about their goldfish in the kitchen. When I’m bored or uneasy, I tend to organise things (particularly when it comes to colour coding) so if things are organised when I’m around it’s usually a good indication that something is bothering me.

The thing about maths is that I’m often better at more logic-based questions, it’s the simple arithmetic of it all that tends to trip me up. I can have a hard time applying numbers to real life and mental maths is next to impossible.

People often over-estimate my ability to manipulate numbers, one of my old maths teachers certainly did. You see, because I scored lower on foundation papers and higher on higher-level maths papers, she didn’t think it was possible for me to be dyscalculic when my mum asked her about it. I’m actually fairly good at algebra and manipulating shapes, but with multiplication, division, direction, and understanding time and measurements, I’ve always struggled.

If someone were to ask me how long something would take to get somewhere whilst travelling at a certain speed, I’d find it difficult. I often misjudge these things, if I see a bike coming I often jump out of the way of the bike way before it actually passes me because I think the bike is going to reach me way before it actually does.

I remember when I first joined my secondary school, and on the opening day I made a tower out of blocks as an activity in the maths room and the head of maths was impressed and asked if I enjoyed maths then because I was good with shapes, and I laughed and said “Nah, maths is terrible” (I didn’t realise they were the head of maths until later, whoops).

With sports…it really varies. I was never good at things like netball or rounders, but I was decent at football and good at field hockey and table tennis.





I studied IT, and I know that there is quite a stereotype that IT nerds tend to be…a bit inept. With my group of friends, I’d say that certainly rings true. One of my friends suspects he has ADHD, but he’s never been tested. He also scored similarly on that RAADS-R test to me with a 94 where I scored 123, whereas my other friend scored 30 (which is interesting because my friend who scored 30 often says stuff like she thinks she thinks that out of the three of us, she thinks that she’s the most likely to be autistic, but she doesn’t think that any of us would fit the diagnosis).

She can be socially anxious, which is something that I can relate to. They often make fun of me because they don’t have sensory issues like me, so they often invade my personal space and do things that they know will bother me sensory wise because they find it amusing. Also, one of my friends likes to ruin things that I just organised because he knows that I’m probably going to go back and correct it, and when I do he can make fun of me for being so petty. I usually try to ignore the urge to correct it, but often fail.



Yeah, social rules can vary depending on groups. I know in one of my groups it was acceptable to talk about certain things, but in my other group it was a definite no-no to talk about those things. In my group, people find me weird for taking so many selfies- but in many groups, this is considered normal behaviour. I also listen to quite a few music genres, but people have never found me weird for it. People often compliment me on my music taste.

Small-talk can be dreadfully boring, and the rules regulating small talk tend to vary. In some of my groups, it’s actually pretty normal for people to say “Actually, this conversation is getting kind of boring, how about we talk about something else?” but in other groups this would be considered incredibly rude. That’s why I like my main group, everyone just seems to get it and there’s no complaints if someone wants to cut the boring small talk for once.





That’s true. I’m over-sensitive to things, but not everything. I’m not oversensitive to pain, but I certainly am to certain smells and sounds. There have been times where I’ve had to leave music events because they’ve been too loud for me. I remember one I went to where I was wearing earplugs (I was dragged along by my family, but they got me some earplugs just in case it became too much for me) and no joke, I could still hear the music even though I had earplugs in, but at least with the earplugs it was actually at a more tolerable volume.

Another time we went to see this woman singing, and as soon as we entered I wanted to leave. I kept pacing around in the toilets trying to calm down. In the end I went home and my parents stayed at this event whilst I watched Guardians of the galaxy. So in a way, it worked out in the end.