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Spazzergasm
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12 Oct 2009, 9:39 am

I would liek to know if anyone else here might be classified as "possessive".
my family ahs always thought me to be pretty materialistic, and possessive a bit, and my sister thought I was selfish.

but it's totally not true. they just wouldnt understand. i just ahve a very strong sense of what's mine, and what's someone elses. i am more than happy to share, as long as they ask me first, and return it to me in good condition. (oh my GOSH, ever have someone give you something back BROKEN, and not even care? it kills me!) and i like buying people things. if i ever go out with mates, i often pay, just because i like that. so im not selfish or anything. it just bugs me so much if someone uses my thing, and it's like, unregulated, you know? if i dont know where it is, or when im getting it back, it bugs me.
heres an example: i have this green frog beanie. it's really silly, and i never wear it, because it's too small. but i really like it. its my frog beanie! i look at it and stuff, and think it has a lot of character, plus my sister got it for me with a funny story along with that. and we had these guests over, and my mom gave it to this kid without my permission.....it killed me! XD. luckily i got it back, cause the kid forgot it at our house, but that upset me because it was my property, with memories and juju, and she just threw it away like
i also hate people using my computer. i am nervous teh whole time i know soemone else is using it. i have a guest account, and alot of my applications are banned and stuff, so people wont want to use it, and so they dont save files....but it still bugs me.
i also have my "special food" in the fridge. XD. little things that i am going through a phase loving, and i hate people eating them.

is this awful of me? like i said, i love sharing and stuff, and dont mind if i give permission....i just hate it when something i really like is being used and out of my control.
does anyone else feel like that?



ToughDiamond
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12 Oct 2009, 10:13 am

I don't know where I'd be if I didn't have stuff that other people weren't allowed to mess with.

I don't understand why there should be any social stigma attached to being possessive about property....after all, capitalism is built on personal greed and selfishness....all I want is a few bits and pieces that the rest of the herd can't wreck or lose for me. I don't mind sharing but I flatly refuse to put all I have at the disposal of just anybody.

Mostly I think I'm fairly practical and logical about what I'll share and what I won't. I'm not so bothered about sharing my computer these days because I've got a very good backup system that can get me out of any problems it might cause me. Before that, I wouldn't have let anybody near it without close supervision, and even then I'd have been nervous. One stupid move on a finely-honed operating system can ruin a lot of hard work, without a good backup.

It's not just material property though.....I generally don't like it when other people have a hand in any area of responsibility that I perceive to be my own. It's fine if I've been consulted in advance and the terms of the invasion are properly defined and agreed - but if not, even apparently helpful interventions can do me more harm than good, because it disrupts my understanding of where I've got to.

Nor do I believe in trying to be 100% non-possessive in relationships either, though surprisingly it embarrasses me a lot if I happen to look possessive in any way at all. :? To my mind, if a couple is sharing their lives, then that will lead to expectations of giving up some individual freedom, and I think a lot of people these days try to hang onto all of their personal freedom, however the other partner feels about it. Then as soon as they object to this, they're accused of being possessive. If you're a serious parent, then for a lot of the time it feels as if your life doesn't belong to you any more, but you don't gripe because you know that it's the name of the game, and nobody's really free.



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12 Oct 2009, 1:11 pm

I know exactly how you feel, I am the exact same way. Your post describes my issues perfectly. Some examples for me:

•I have a lap table for my laptop, I don't mind my sister using it for her computer but she never asks. I went to use it yesterday and couldn't figure out where I left it (it gets left in whatever room I used it last) after 10 minutes of searching I looked in her room and found it under her stuff.

•like you, I have food that is mine in the fridge. I don't mind if they ask to eat it but often I will spend the day thinking of my plans for dinner to come home and find out they ate it earlier that day. Now my plans for dinner are ruined and nothing else sounds good!

•My biggest issue involves getting my mail. Someone else always gets it out of the mailbox at the house first and never puts it in the same place in the house (sometimes they leave it in their car!). I can't stand having to ask every day IF I got mail and where I might find it if I did. Situation finally got to me and I opened a post office box and directed most of my mail there (not all because they would think me weird). I still have some magazines coming to the house and have to search for those.


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Pernicious-Knid
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12 Oct 2009, 1:23 pm

I used to go thru this all the time when I had roomates years ago, and may have to go thru it again when my living situation changes. For now though, I have my own place which I have to admit is a big relief where this kind of thing is concerned. Even so, I still hate it when I have someone over and they start going thru my stuff. I never do that to other people! Whatever happened to "look, but don't touch"? I tend to get very possessive about books, CDs, DVDs , etc. because of bad experiences with lending stuff out that either never got returned or I got it back damaged. That doesn't include stuff that got outright stolen, like at parties. (Something about college parties that seems to attract kleptos). I'm super picky about lending anything out now.



Spazzergasm
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12 Oct 2009, 1:24 pm

grrrr. my sister was like that!! !! id search and search everywhere for my expensive dior eyeshadow...and it was in HER room. :evil:

you know how frustrating it is to have to HIDE your stuff in your own room? grrr.

NTs must feel the same....dont they?



Spazzergasm
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12 Oct 2009, 1:28 pm

Pernicious-Knid wrote:
I used to go thru this all the time when I had roomates years ago, and may have to go thru it again when my living situation changes. For now though, I have my own place which I have to admit is a big relief where this kind of thing is concerned. Even so, I still hate it when I have someone over and they start going thru my stuff. I never do that to other people! Whatever happened to "look, but don't touch"? I tend to get very possessive about books, CDs, DVDs , etc. because of bad experiences with lending stuff out that either never got returned or I got it back damaged. That doesn't include stuff that got outright stolen, like at parties. (Something about college parties that seems to attract kleptos). I'm super picky about lending anything out now.


yeah. my sister took my invader zim complete box set. she never gave it back. now she moved to america and has it all scattered over there. i checked amazon, and it's discontinued, now a used one costs 60$.......i got mine brand new for 15$ and now i dont have it anymore! :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :x :x :evil: :evil: :x :evil: :evil: :evil:



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12 Oct 2009, 1:52 pm

Oh that would have ticked me off! Never saw the whole series but the eps I did see were pretty damn funny, what was Nickelodeon thinking when they cancelled it?

Sorry to get off topic here, but have you tried ebay or craigslist?

Yeah, it seems like NTs don't have the same regard for personal property that we do. If I do borrow anything from someone I'm always super careful. But in general, it seems like people have a blatant disregard for anything that isn't theirs. I see this at work a lot, its a problem where things get damaged and you have to try and make do, which sucks when it affects your job!



Spazzergasm
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12 Oct 2009, 2:36 pm

i considered it, but they arent MY dvds...you know? id rather have mine back. XD

and it is an amazing show!

they dont. i hate it.



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13 Oct 2009, 12:07 am

Invader Zim is worth a good fight! XD

I think I can relate to this.

Growing up, I was posessive about food, clothes, the like. I would mention something to my parents when we went shopping, they would buy it, and it was "for me." So, when I caught a sibling eating the food that was "for me," I would throw a tantrum; even if I saw them eyeing it. I started to hide canned food in my closet.

As my little sister grew up (we are six years apart), she adopted my tastes in fashion and music, and would break into my room and take things. This is common with sisters.

When I was 21 years old, my sister visited my work place, and she was dressed head-to-toe in my clothes and shoes. I was seeing red. My blood was boiling! I almost lost it at work.

There were times I would tackle her and strip the clothes off of her-- she thought that was the weirdest thing.

Nowadays, I'm a lot more laid-back about the issue, but it still stirs at something!



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13 Oct 2009, 4:14 am

I'm possessive only with my books and computers. Everything else have no meaning. Actually I'm not possessive with people and it actually can cause some problem, jelousy is thinked as a love-things and I don't have it (but I'm able to mimic it if they want).


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13 Oct 2009, 7:51 am

When I borrow a pen or something from somebody, I'm constantly telling them about how much longer I need it, that they'll be getting it back soon, etc. Or I'll ask them if they are sure I can borrow it over and over and over, sometimes even WHILE I'm using it.

I'm not sure that it's so much a possessiveness thing, but for me, it is like there are invisible lines/boundaries around EVERYTHING. This is mine, that is yours.

My neighbor has chairs outside in our front yard-on her side. I always opt to sit on the porch because the porch is on MY SIDE. She always reminds me I can sit in her chairs and all, and after 5 years, I've finally gotten comfortable enough to walk over and ask if it is okay if I sit by her when the kids are out playing... but if she isn't out there to ask, I won't go near them.

It's rather funny to watch my kiddos actually-my son is the same way I am. But my daughter will climb all over everyone else's things without a second thought.... like she owns the world or something. My son and I will not touch ANYTHING that doesn't belong to us unless we ask a bunch of times and make sure 100% that it is okay.


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Spazzergasm
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13 Oct 2009, 8:51 am

Mmmph wrote:
Invader Zim is worth a good fight! XD



There were times I would tackle her and strip the clothes off of her-- she thought that was the weirdest thing.




isnt it! grrrrr!

woah, that IS sorta wierd. XD. but your a sister, so it isnt THAT bad. :P. my sister always took my clothes, and i would get ANGRY. id come in her room yelling.



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13 Oct 2009, 2:05 pm

I know just how you feel. What's mine is mine. If someone else wants to use it, I have no problem, IF THEY ASK FIRST. And of course, if I know it's someone who'll take care of it, and return it in good condition as it was the when I lend it to them. If they do something to it, you can be 100% sure that I'll never lend them anything else again.



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13 Oct 2009, 2:29 pm

I think this is a facet of the "rigid routines" thing-- wanting things to be as you expect them to be. What makes something "yours" is that you own it, so you say where it goes, etc, and can predict it. When it isn't as you expected, it throws everything off.



Spazzergasm
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13 Oct 2009, 2:52 pm

yes. i'm glad im not alone on this.

like when my parents come in my room when i ask them not to (every single time)...it's like them coming and drawing over a picture i'm drawing. it just invades and i have to reset my relax time. >.<



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14 Oct 2009, 6:10 am

Maggiedoll wrote:
I think this is a facet of the "rigid routines" thing-- wanting things to be as you expect them to be. What makes something "yours" is that you own it, so you say where it goes, etc, and can predict it. When it isn't as you expected, it throws everything off.

Yes, loss of predictability has a lot to do with it. If you're the only one who uses a thing, you'll very likely know what state it's in, and where it is. Not just items but tasks as well.