Anyone ever feel like their obsessions were secrets?

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I see people sharing their obsessions on this board and remember I went through a time in my life where I couldn't talk about my obsessions to the people around me. I saw them as a secret. Something to hide for some reason. Does anyone know the sort of feeling I'm talking about?

Yes. I've had an obsession with Chinese language for almost 2 years, but felt that I would get too much attention if I revealed this special interest at school. Surprisingly, when the special interest went away, I didn't feel so compelled to keep it a secret. I guess it's probably because of the fact that this special interest was already something from the past, so I thought that people wouldn't care about it as much.

I'm becoming much more open about my special interests, though. For me, revealing my special interest is a risk that I have to take, and taking risks is fun. I'm not as self conscious as I've been in the past, and I come across as more authentic now (but also I stand out more), so it 's easier for me now to go out there and talk about something more unusual, i.e. my special interest.

Last edited by MathGirl on 24 Jan 2010, 2:17 am, edited 1 time in total.

Alot of mine still are

You'd be able to put it to good use in Toronto what with the Spadina district?

Lol, yes, I actually went to Chinatown almost every weekend for a period of time. The problem I've encountered, though, was that many people there speak Cantonese, and I was studying the Mandarin dialect at the time.

Yes I feel my obsessions are secrets. Before I started using the internet, they were secrets from anyone and everyone. Then once I started using it in 1998 I started making a point of sharing some of them with people on the internet because they are "not real". Then eventually when I started dating one girl I met on the internet in 2003, it transitioned to her, and ultimately other girls I met later on. Right now I still keep all my secrets from my family and everyone that they know, but I am okay sharing them with people I met on my own (whether online or face to face) as long as there is a guarantee my family won't find out.

I guess I just feel that I won't know how to explain to my family how I "ran onto topics" of my obsessions and why I am thinking about them for so long. But I guess there is ONE obsession that has NEVER been a secret, and that is my career in physics. So I guess other obsessions (such as politics, religion and dating) have to be secrets because they ruin the image of someone who is totally obsessed with math and physics and nothing else. Because if they find out about one of my non-academic obsessions it would mean that not only I payed attention to things other than math and physics, but I actually went out of my way to obsess about them.

I guess the other part of it is that there are some emotions attached to my obsessions (otherwise they won't be obsessions) and I have hard time expressing my emotions in general. Academic obsessions are much safer to express since it is void of any other emotions. And, of course, that is coupled to the fact that these are the only ones that help my pride rather than the opposite.

You shouldve capitalized on that interest. China's such an important power you couldve carved out a high-demand career in government or business by knowing Mandarin ( Most Immigrants to North America speak Cantonese, but Mandarin is the ruling language in China itsself.).

Definitely. More so because my current obsession creates emotional turmoil in most people I attempt to discuss it with. I can count on one hand how many people I talk about it with, and extensively for that matter. If it doesn't pertain to partying, getting drunk and laid, or any other personal self-indulgent debauchery, it seems most people just don't care. Therefore, I keep it to myself.

Sorry to be off topic, but I checked out your sight and I like your style/music. Not that my opinion has any relevancy whatsoever, but I hope you continue your specific path of self expression

obsessions are private.

Not so much secret as sacred--I don't want to profane them by talking about them to people who wouldn't understand.

Yeah, I've one "mental" obsession most of my life... something I thought about over-and-over-and-over, rather than acted upon... and I only told a therapist about it this year. And I felt weird doing that. There's nothing immoral about the nature of this thing, but it's something that's inside of me, behind a very big wall. I guess it's the thought of having to justify it to someone else, and knowing that they wouldn't get it.

I've kept my obsessions as secrets, for many years. Back in 1998, my mum accused me of keeping secrets from her. I wasn't keeping any secrets, I was just hiding my obsessions. I'm sure that she knew what they were. I just didn't feel the need to say anything about them. I've kept my obsessions as secrets from my peers, in high school. I was taught at the tender age of 10, that it was bad to talk about them. Another thing that I've learned, was that I had obsessions, that there was something horribly wrong with my brain. That wasn't the message that my parents were trying to convey, but it was the message that I've received from them. My parents had to listen to me threaten suicide, from the time that I was 13, until the time that I've turned 18, because of all this. If you see me going on about my obsessions, here on WP, I ask that you tread lightly, because I need an outlet to let it all hang out, obsession wise.

Last edited by CockneyRebel on 24 Jan 2010, 3:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.

My obsessions or special interests have always been a secret, mainly because I didn't want to be embarrassed or make a fool out of myself.

Yes, I'm obsessed with execution methods, especially decapitation. (Like I said in an earlier thread.) For me the kneeling position assumed by most decapitation victims has strongly sadomasochistic and erotic overtones. I fantasize sometimes about being decapitated, or yielding the sword, ax, or guillotine myself. None of my real-life friends, family, or acquaintances knows about it.

Strangely, the object of my obsession is considered pretty much a taboo in today's society. I say strangely, because so much actual violence occurs in our world, which I absolutely loathe but barely seems to get noticed by the population at large. So actually it seems a bit hypocritical to me to condemn imagined violence in very harsh terms, while remaining relatively phlegmatic about real violence (which most of us see every day on TV). I bet that the world would be a much nicer place if people could internalize their violent urges like I do, for in real life I'm a very peaceful, harmless person.

A language is a very useful special interest, especially chinese. Maybe you can try to get some of our money back. But we'll just waste it again...