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Eye contact: Do you avoid it or just not think of it?

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yukari
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29 Aug 2010, 3:30 am

I try to make an eye contact, but often forget to do this. And even if I don't forget, I do something wrong. Sometimes people say me about this.
And I know a pair of people, who have what I call spiny eyes: a cannot focus on their eyes at all, it is like touching something hot.



Aimless
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29 Aug 2010, 4:43 am

eon wrote:
Aimless wrote:
I make myself "check in" from time to time during a conversation.


This is pretty close to the actual purpose of eye contact. I read a book about social thinking (one of the ones from socialthinking.com) and it says that eye contact is an expression, not a literal term. people use their eyes to think about what others might be thinking. the "eye contact" means being aware of the direction eyes point to take it into consideration about what they may be thinking/feeling. checking in every once in a while is exactly what eye contact used correctly would involve. staring at eyes would be interpretted as either anger or intenseness (sometimes used in flirting, it is one of the signals along with being lightly touched).


I know, but for me it's like glancing at the sun.



jojobean
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29 Aug 2010, 5:54 am

Here is some ammunition against the "must-make-eye-contact fanatics" According to one of my college psychology textbooks, it is a myth that liars dont make eye contact. Actually liars are more prone to extending eye contact longer than someone who is not lying.

Other than that, I usually look at the mouth...glance at the eyes and continue looking at their mouth, nose or hair. My eye contact-o'meter is off. I have no idea how long an appropriate gaze at the eyes is supposed to be. Plus when I do look at someone's eyes, I feel them looking "into" me, and it feels invasive. But I have a good excuse to look at someone's lips instead...I am hearing impaired and can lip read. :D

I wonder if hearing aspies who look at ppl's lips can lip read too??


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michelle7379
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29 Aug 2010, 5:05 pm

I usually avoid eye contact. People who like to glare at me make me feel uncomfortable.


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MizLiz
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30 Aug 2010, 2:42 am

Its just so damned uncomfortable that I don't bother. WHY does it matter so much to NTs? Are they really that stupid that they can't tell based on my voice, etc. if I'm lying?


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ScottyN
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30 Aug 2010, 2:52 am

I do not make eye contact. It takes a monumental effort for me to do so. Interestingly, if it is someone close to me that I have known a long time, I tend to make eye contact much easier.



ripcity
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30 Aug 2010, 3:47 am

When I was young my Parents instilled in me the importances of eye contact. I have to make an effort but when I talk to someone I have been trained to be aware that I'm suposed to make eye contact.