Joined: 21 Jun 2014 Age: 33 Gender: Male Posts: 732
18 Jan 2015, 10:02 pm
I think of my mom, my grandma, my dad, other family members, friends I've had at some point... and I feel like suicide would be betraying all of them. Also I have moments where I'm happy. Where I can appreciate the beauty in life.
But I'd be lying to say I don't have countless times where I feel utterly inferior, spiraling into self-hate, wishing something so pathetic and worthless as myself didn't have to exist. Pretty much every day I feel this way for some amount of time. Like I don't belong anywhere. Other people know how to. They know how to belong. I don't. I don't know how to share myself with others. Nor was I given the ability to do so. I can't express myself. I can't be a whole person. Sometimes I feel so broken that I wish I was dead. All I do is complicate and ruin. I can't handle anything. All of it overwhelms me. I'm terrified of this world. This isn't a world for broken toys. Sometimes I want to throw myself away before they can. But I won't. Only for my family and the chance that someday things will get better.
Joined: 3 Sep 2014 Age: 35 Gender: Female Posts: 719 Location: My own autistic wonderland!
19 Jan 2015, 10:32 am
I used to. It got so bad that I had to start taking medication. x_x I felt like I was a monster, and I didn't want to keep living... so I was constantly thinking of it, yet I could never really go through with it. I'm kind of glad I didn't though. I mean, if I did, then I never would have discovered my true hero. <3
_________________ Currently diagnosed with Autistic Disorder, ADHD, severe anxiety, learning delays and developmental delays.
Joined: 21 Jun 2014 Age: 33 Gender: Male Posts: 732
19 Jan 2015, 2:56 pm
Speaking of a hero if I hadn't been alive in 2014 I wouldn't have seen Anna and Elsa on OUAT. I liked them before but they completely became my heroes after that. It was so much better, for me at least, then I could have imagined or expected. I loved it so much. I love them so much.
So being alive usually does mean getting to experience a few great, sometimes even incredible, things a year. That doesn't eliminate the hardships. But it is something to look forward to. Those moments where I'm so glad to be alive.