The ''Invisible'' rules thread

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I know there are other threads similar to this, but those are all over 3 years old, so I thought I'll start a fresh, because I really wanted to talk about this type of thing to other Aspies, and now I have the opportunity.
There are invisible rules about what everyone should and shouldn't do when out in public, and it goes from the smallest silliest thing to the biggest thing. (The smallest silliest thing is probably like ''do not wear trainers with skinny jeans'', and the biggest thing is probably like ''do not walk out naked'', or something like that). I understand the big rules, but people look and laugh at people over the slightest thing, so you've always got to be so careful with what you do when out in public in order to avoid breaking these silly invisible rules. I always thought going out in public was just a way from walking from point A to point B, but these days it seems to have turned into bunch of strict social rules you have to follow. I understand the Highway Code and rules of the road, but those are completely different to what I'm making this thread about. Road rules are for safety, but these silly invisible ''Street Rules'' (as I like to call them) are nothing to do with safety.
I've broken so many of these invisible rules in public in my early teens, like having a swearing fit when I'm near loud kids, storming out of shops angrily, arguing really loudly with my cousins, huffing and puffing, crying and shouting when I fell out with a friend, and even having greasy hair for a day. All those are things what are apparently unacceptable and what draws people's attention to you.
Even though these rules also come naturally to me now, I'm still curious and annoyed as to why people get looked at when breaking these silly rules.

I've wrote out a load of Street Rules, stop me if I've missed any:-

Don’t laugh when you’re on your own, even if you see something really, really funny
Don’t EVER talk to yourself
Don’t walk along miserable
Don’t run
Don’t cry
Don’t cover your ears
Don’t itch your head
Don’t have greasy hair
Don’t bite your fingernails
Don’t fall over
Don't slip over, even if it's really really icy (as if that's possible!)
Don’t wear big thick boots when it’s not snowing
Don’t wear sunglasses when it’s not sunny
Don’t have hoods up or umbrellas up when it’s not raining
Don’t wear a scarf on cold days in the summer
Don’t get in a rage with other people
Don’t say the wrong thing when you are asking for something in the shop

And the biggest one of all is - always keep your cool.
These fantastic Street Rules are all very well, but when you're somebody who has high anxieties and high irritation, it's pretty hard to keep cool at times.

ps, I was being sarcastic when I said ''fantastic''

Hmmm. So the other night when we were having a big snow storm, walking around outside in my flip flops is OK, as long as I don't mind snow between my toes?

(If you are familiar with Western New York lake effect snow, it really was an odd thing to do, I just really didn't want to put on my shows after my marshall arts class)

I'll add to it:

Don't talk to strangers (unless they have a dog and then it might be OK to say hello to the dog)
Don't forget where you are going and have to change directions in the middle of the sidewalk.
Don't make eye contact with strangers for too long.
Don't skip.
Don't dance.
Don't bob your head along with the music you are listening to.
Leggings are to be worn under skirts not as pants (this one is probably females only).

That's a lot to remember. To make things even more confusing, many of those rules are location specific. "Don't get in a rage with other people" applies all over the world (nobody wants to be raged at). But if you come to Los Angeles, you will find that it's perfectly ok to run (it's even expected) and to wear heavy boots and a scarf no matter what the weather is. I would say it's also ok to wear sunglasses when it isn't sunny but it is usually sunny so nobody has been able to make a rule about what to do when it is not. You can talk to yourself too, so long as there is a Bluetooth in your ear.

And in Germany, it´s okay to bob your head to the music you´re listening to; at least, I see people do it all the time.

By the way, I do almost all of the "taboos" on these lists, but I don´t really care.

I didn't think most of these were wrong.

I make an effort to break as many of the "small invisible rules" as possible, just to subtly rebel against NT stupidity

Well, that is more because of your health, and nobody in their right mind would choose to wear flip flops in the snow, because you could catch pnemonia (I can't spell it) or other illnesses like that if you choose to go out practically bare-footed in the snow. But it's not unhealhy to wear big snow boots when it's just cold but dry - NTs just make it out to be a why-is-she-wearing-them-boots-when-there's-no-snow situation. I really don't know why NTs need to wonder and worry about what strangers in the street are wearing or what they're doing, but they just do, and that's what annoys me. It's like they're emotionally dictating what eachother can and can't do.

But health rules are different. The rules I mentioned are just silly invisible rules what NTs have made society out to be.

If I wasn't so sensitive of other people looking and/or laughing at me, I'll do the same.

Just remember, you're unlikely to ever see them again, they have no idea who they are, their opinions and reactions have no effect on you. Then it's an easy thing to do

I do all of these. Oh well....

Sorry. But you are misinformed if you think cold feet causes pneumonia.

For what it's worth, I have surfed in water so cold that you could watch the slush forming in the line up, the water was freezing on the deck of my board and I couldn't peel my wetsuit off when I was done because it was so crusted in ice. And I didn't catch any disease either.

Good times

Or stop caring what they think of you, and break all the little rules you feel like.

Thing is, most NTs I know do each and every one of these things. Well, perhaps except for talking and laughing all by themselves.

I have always wondered though why on Earth Penny in The Big Bang Theory sometimes wears tops with straps and shorts with really heavy-looking boots indoors. I mean, the character is designed to be very 'normal' so as to contrast with the geekiness of the boys and I don't know if it ever snows in Pasadena.

The ten commandments were not invisible, they were etched in stone. That's how I like my rules. Even if I don't obey the ten commandments most times.

Don't you think all that wanting to do the right thing socially adds to anxiety? If you are an impulsive person and make these mistakes over and over again and know it you'll just get frustrated and either avoident or depressed.

I bolded all those things I actually do.
Many of these don't make sense. How can one control being miserable or not? I scratch my head. It's a stim. And it gives me my hair style. People know I do it and laugh because they know I'm fussing over my hair again.
How can someone control themselves from slipping over?
No sunglasses when it's not sunny? Have you ever heard of light sensitivity?
Scarves are fashionable. Umbrellas are too. I don't use the wretched things but in some cultures they do.
How can one control saying the wrong thing?

Many of these things are things people can't control and they're minor. Trying to hold all this in will just add to anxiety.
You left out 'hand flapping' and 'staring upwards' which is what I do in public a lot, and I don't care enough to hide it.

Last edited by pensieve on 15 Dec 2010, 6:28 pm, edited 2 times in total.