Needing routines without realising it

Page 1 of 1 [ 11 posts ] 

herbeey
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 29 Oct 2010
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 41
Location: Glasgow

01 Jan 2011, 1:29 pm

Over Christmas time I've had days of exceedingly high anxiety that I have been unable to explain by tapping into how I feel. Something suggested to me was that it is because the things that I usually do have stopped for the holidays and that my brain perceives this as a distressing disruption of my routines.

Now, I've never really felt much affiliation with the routine aspect of asperger's, so this was a strange suggestion to me. It continues to be strange to me because, even having reflected upon it, I don't have any sense of desire for establishing new routines or resynchronising with the old routines that begin to resume next week anyway.

This hasn't stopped me from preparing a plan to make the first and last hour of my days a very specific routine, but my question concerns the fact that it doesn't resonate with how I feel at all. Intellectually it doesn't bother me in the slightest that usual things aren't currently happening and there's no emotional response to that either. If anything, I rather like the idea.

My question concerns your own experience of needing routines and whether this need is something that you feel.



FluffyDog
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Oct 2010
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 639
Location: The rainiest part of Germany

01 Jan 2011, 1:42 pm

I've been mostly unaware of my own routines until about six weeks ago. However, I have often been told by others that I lack spontanity because I like to be notified of unexpected activities in advance. If I am not given what I consider a fair advance warning, I often refuse to participate even in things that I usually enjoy.
There is other things that I have not considered "set" enough to be routines for the longest time - for example, I prefer to spend my evenings on the couch with my laptop. I can spend the evening in other ways without becoming stressed out, like eating out with my family or meeting with friends in the city. It's just that I need to prepare myself mentally for it. In many cases, I try to spend a little time online during the morning or afternoon on those days to keep up with my favourite websites.
There is also very small things. I prefer to put on each item of clothing in the same order day after day and when I'm preparing a meal I have cooked before, I tend to do things in the same order as the last time I cooked the same kind of meal. I have preferred to do the quests in computer games in roughly the same order for the longest time though that routine seems to be fading at the moment.

By and large, I'd say that I have routines and I apprecciate them, but they don't play such a big role in my life that they control major aspects of my interaction with others. In many cases, I can deviate from my routines when it is neccessary. Usually a substitute routine or understanding the reason for a change as well of a sufficient advance warning make it easier for me to handle change.


_________________
Yes, I am serious about that avatar...


Verdandi
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Dec 2010
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 12,275
Location: University of California Sunnydale (fictional location - Real location Olympia, WA)

01 Jan 2011, 1:57 pm

I didn't really realize I had routines, I thought of the anxiety many routine changes caused as social anxiety (unexpected guests) but I mean even though I wasn't aware, I was always asking for tons of advance warning so I could actually prepare without getting upset/anxious/useless about it.

In retrospect, I've found that I react very badly to unexpected changes in my routine and just never really thought of it that way. Sort of eye-opening.



Mercurial
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Oct 2010
Age: 52
Gender: Female
Posts: 537

01 Jan 2011, 2:00 pm

I do need routine, and I function a helluva lot better with routine. But I have a very poor awareness of that need. I don't feel the need, nothing like a compulsion toward maintaining routine--some Aspies do, but I would suspect they are a touch OCD, and I only exhibit the barest trace of OCD-like traits.

I can fall out of routine easily, but when I do, I just don't cope with stress well, anxiety becomes an issue, and it all starts taking its cognitive toll. And it's precisely this unawareness of my need for routine that led to my first breakdown--I was in college, taking too many classes, trying to do too much outside of classes, had this roommate who was totally ADHD and an agent of chaos, a clingy, needy boyfriend who couldn't give me my space. It was just insane. I had no way to maintain a routine of any kind, and I was a nervous wreck day in and day out unto I just collapsed and my brain withdrew into itself out of sheer mental exhaustion.

I never had routine in my life. My childhood was chaotic and unstable. So I never knew what routine could to for me, and it took me well itno my 30's to realize that I need routine. It's hard for me to stick to a routine though, because of my bad habits from childhood and my executive dysfunction, but when I do it's like night and day in terms of my ability to function and cope with stress. Routine don't just help me manage my AS deficits, but also my depression and PTSD. If I know what to expect, I can cope. It's my AS ridigity (and a bit of my PTSD) that makes it hard for me to adapt quickly to the unexpected.



Verdandi
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Dec 2010
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 12,275
Location: University of California Sunnydale (fictional location - Real location Olympia, WA)

01 Jan 2011, 2:21 pm

Mercurial wrote:
I can fall out of routine easily, but when I do, I just don't cope with stress well, anxiety becomes an issue, and it all starts taking its cognitive toll. And it's precisely this unawareness of my need for routine that led to my first breakdown--I was in college, taking too many classes, trying to do too much outside of classes, had this roommate who was totally ADHD and an agent of chaos, a clingy, needy boyfriend who couldn't give me my space. It was just insane. I had no way to maintain a routine of any kind, and I was a nervous wreck day in and day out unto I just collapsed and my brain withdrew into itself out of sheer mental exhaustion.


I like the poor awareness description.

I picked this paragraph out because I dropped out of college three times (the third time much more dramatically than the first two) and I've never really been able to adequately explain why, because it's not something I wanted to do. I wonder if the need for routine had anything to do with it. I know the second time I explicitly had serious issues with change in routine (couldn't get one of my favorite teachers for my favorite class, the new teacher did things differently, I couldn't keep up) although I don't know if that had to do with my overall crash at the time as well.



jmjelde
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 21 Dec 2010
Age: 53
Gender: Female
Posts: 76
Location: Chapel Hill, NC

01 Jan 2011, 3:50 pm

Mercurial seems to be having the same experience I do. I don't need to follow any routines, it's just that if I don't, I become very, very touchy. And the more planned out and stable my life is, the calmer I become. I can really see it in my sleep patterns.



herbeey
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 29 Oct 2010
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 41
Location: Glasgow

01 Jan 2011, 4:36 pm

Thank you for the replies so far. This is presumably going to be very helpful in encouraging me to test this diligently.

I also had a noted need to know what was happening sufficiently in advance during my childhood. I guess I still do often, although more and more I'm happy to just wing it in a way that implies that I'm fine as long as I feel in control of my own experience in the situation.

I'd naturally assume that routines come under the same general area as OCD, which I too don't seem to have much in the way of.

Perhaps then routines would be better placed under the same general area that makes me still wear my coat on the hottest day of the year (albeit in Glasgow)? Now then, might routines be a security/comfort blanket or might coats be a means of gaining control? I can only presume that these two things are one and the same.



Pandora_Box
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Dec 2010
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,299

01 Jan 2011, 6:07 pm

Since the holidays. I have been extremely annoyed. lol.

I need my routine back. I kind of wish for work and stuff. I like the feel of schedule. I don't really like unscheduled.



pensieve
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Nov 2008
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,204
Location: Sydney, Australia

01 Jan 2011, 10:18 pm

I only realised I had routines when I had to feed the cats at 5pm and eat my dinner at 6pm. I also had tea at 8pm every night, right on the button.

Then my daily tasks were the same everyday. And I ate the same type of snack in the afternoon.

Then when I tried to stop these routines my head would be a mess. I was messy, disorgainsed, lazy, sleeping in or going to bed at ungodly hours and waking up exhausted. Be tired all day. Not know what I should be doing. Watching TV mostly.
I need routines in order to get anything done. I also feel distressed if I don't do the same thing everyday.


_________________
My band photography blog - http://lostthroughthelens.wordpress.com/
My personal blog - http://helptheywantmetosocialise.wordpress.com/


websister
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 3 Jun 2010
Age: 65
Gender: Female
Posts: 165
Location: Canada

01 Jan 2011, 10:35 pm

I've thought about this a lot since summer vacation this year.
For myself, I've come to the conclusion that when other people are around me, I like and need routine, I want to know what is going to be happening and when.
If it is only myself then I am more comfortable with not having as much routine to my day i.e. spending the day reading, eating when I feel like it.



FluffyDog
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Oct 2010
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 639
Location: The rainiest part of Germany

02 Jan 2011, 8:16 am

herbeey wrote:
I'd naturally assume that routines come under the same general area as OCD, which I too don't seem to have much in the way of.

Perhaps then routines would be better placed under the same general area that makes me still wear my coat on the hottest day of the year (albeit in Glasgow)? Now then, might routines be a security/comfort blanket or might coats be a means of gaining control? I can only presume that these two things are one and the same.


I can see how routines may appear similar to OCD, but I have the feeling that there is still some differences between these two. For example, many OCDs seem to have a trigger, like checking on all elcetrical aplliances before leaving the house or like washing one's hands after touching certain items. Routines are more like a scaffolding that gives structure to the day, whereas OCDs appear to me more like repeated activity patterns that fit snugly into that scaffolding. (I might be wrong on this one, though, as I have little to no personal experience with OCDs myself.)

But I reckon that the security blanket aspect of routines is very important to many people on the spectrum. Well-established routines mean that you have a pretty good idea of what will happen next and how you ought to react to that. I have also found that arranging my activities of any given day along an internal guideline (i.e. developing a routine) helps me to make certain that I do everything that needs to be done on that day.

The thing about the coat might have another component as well. I know that I am more likely to keep on my jacket or coat even inside of buildings (and even when I am feeling a bit too warm already) when I am feeling uneasy or moving amongst lots of people. I tend to get uneasy in crowds, so this is really only two aspects of the same thing. Having an additional layer of clothing between myself and others gives me the feeling of being "armoured" or that others cannot see as much of me and thus cannot guess as easily how I am feeling or what I am thinking.
I know that that line of argumentation is largely irrational, but since I also know that I have trouble functioning well when I'm on edge, I let myself keep on my outer garments as that makes me feel better. Another kind of security blanket, I guess.


_________________
Yes, I am serious about that avatar...